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Man heart broken GF doesn't want kids; 'I can't live without her. My dream is shattered.' CONCLUDED

Man heart broken GF doesn't want kids; 'I can't live without her. My dream is shattered.' CONCLUDED


'The love of my life now doesn't want kids, what do I do?'


I've been dating my current girlfriend for 5 years. She is an angel, everything a man could possibly want in his wildest dreams- she is beautiful inside out, funny, cute, hardworking, supportive, always knows what to say.

She can understand exactly how I'm feeling without me even needing to say anything, thoughtful, considerate- you get the picture. I am planning to propose soon, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Not only that, but we have similar political views, get along fairly well with each other's families, similar sense of humor, sexually and emotionally compatible, I never have to worry about anything I say around her, things never get boring even though we live together and are together almost 24/7. 5 years in it still feels like a honeymoon phase.

But she now has decided to reveal she doesn't want kids. This is not the most gigantic surprise because earlier on when we discussed this, I told her I absolutely 100% wanted kids, she told me that she could go either way. She didn't need kids to make her happy and could go without them but if her spouse wants them she'll have it.

She never said she was fully against it, until she changed her mind now. A few days ago, we were having a discussion about the 2024 election, the screwed up state of the world and all, and she hesitantly admitted that lately she's been more and more certain that she doesn't want kids.

I was absolutely shattered. She told me she loves me but she doesn't think the world is a good enough place. I must admit I myself feel kind of offended hearing that- we have found a love as amazing and special as the one we have and she still doesn't feel like there's enough good in the world to bring life into it?

Crime, selfishness, politics, war, mental issues, greedy men at the top are definitely legitimate problems but the same can be said about literally every other point in human history? I feel like her view is that the world is coming to an end it's worse now than it ever was, the next generation is doomed is rather dystopian?

The world is no paradise but my girlfriend and I are lucky enough to live in a first world country, to have rather stable jobs, our kids will have young parents, I will work my a** off and go to the ends of the Earth to make sure my children are happy and safe if I have them.

I would make sure my wife doesn't need to even work while she's pregnant and can rest, I will make sure I am financially secure, they have enough to inherit in their adulthood. I would make sure they have everything they need and feel safe and loved at all times regardless of their mood swings or sexuality or career path or anything.

I had a terrible father; I know how dark and scary life can be but it is also beautiful and touching. At least this is how I view life since I met my girlfriend. This is the only thing my girlfriend and I have ever disagreed on.

Being alive is a miraculous thing. Sharing so much love with someone that you want to create and raise a human together and do everything you can for it is one of the most special things. But, she's more concerned about like... Putin?

Having kids is a personal choice, I absolutely respect people who don't want it because it is very demanding, especially physically demanding on women (I took a lot of care of my sister when she was pregnant and helped her out w the newborn).

But I know I want kids, I'll do anything to guarantee their happiness. But my girlfriend is irreplaceable. I cannot picture my life without her. She is absolutely perfect for me, and I would do anything for her.

I'm trying to get myself to adjust to the idea of not having kids but it's hard. My whole life I just pictured myself having them. I pictured the white picket fence with two kids running around in the sprinklers during summer and tucking them in every night and helping them through their first love, first heartbreak, finding a job, everything.

After a really screwed up childhood, it's been one of my biggest dreams to have a happy loving family of my own and work towards a purpose greater than myself, with the woman I love the most.

I tried to talk to my mother and my sister (who has kids) about this. They both said that having kids is the most taxing draining but most rewarding breathtaking experience a human being could have, they couldn't imagine life without their kids. And that if I want them, I should seriously consider finding someone else because I'll regret suppressing my desire to be a father.

Then again, they've never been in this position where they had to choose between the love of their life or the desire to start a family. I can't be without my girlfriend. But I'm scared of one day regretting never having kids.

Right now I feel like I can handle it, but what if 10 years from now I wake up feeling empty and regretful? I'm so confused. I've always loved being around kids. My nephews and nieces and even my girlfriend love when my sister drops them off at our house. Should I adapt to the idea of not having kids for the sake of the love of my life? Or is that a mistake? Has anyone been in a similar position?

The post immediately got a barrage of comments from readers:


How old are you both? How do you both feel about adoption or foster care programs? As for her reasons, I also use the state of the world as my main reason. This may just be me, but the other reason is I simply do not have any mothering instincts or wish for it.

I don't feel like getting pregnant, raising a child, or doing any of it. It seems like less of an answer, so I use the first one. Perhaps she has more than that one reason if that one reason she has given you doesn't resonate.


If you've been dating for 5 years and you are now 20, wait for a while.

If you've been dating 5 years and you're 35, move on.


Her reason for not wanting to have kids is 100% valid. If you don't think so, then perhaps you're not meant to be.


I've heard it said that having kids is one of the few relationship disagreements that it's not possible to compromise on. If she is absolutely set on not having kids, and you are certain that you want to have kids, then it seems like this relationship isn't going to work out.

Basically, the post immediately blew up. So, the OP returned with an update almost immediately. So, let's just get back into it.



Holy motherf*cking sh*t. I absolutely never thought this would blow up this is my first ever Reddit post and I had like 10 responses the first few hours. So, I want to say thanks to everyone who put in the time to respond. Sorry if I don't say anything back; I'm very overwhelmed atm with overthinking...

If anyone's wondering what I'm leaning towards now rereading my post it seems obvious, I cannot be without my girlfriend. She is too amazing. It hurts so bad to think we'll never be able to share a child together, like a lifelong dream being ripped out of my hands. But, she is worth anything more than a hypothetical child I can picture when thinking about my future.

Lot of the comments say 'ask her where she sees herself in 10 years' but when I see myself 10 years, I only see it with her. Kids or no kids. What would be my alternative anyway? Have kids with some woman I know is not my soulmate and isn't the true love of my life? She's the one.

I'm just trying to cope with the idea of not having kids. I know a lot of Reddit prefers to be childfree but I'm sure most of you have dreams you always thought of you're whole life- like having a wife/husband that loves you. Imagine being told that you will never have that. Ever.

Not the best analogy but hopefully the idea gets across. The history and transcendental connection I have with my girlfriend is something I can never ever give up though. I will try to just adapt to the idea of not having kids.

I'm not going to lie, I was crying quite a bit today thinking of how when I was a kid a lot of times in really difficult nights in my home what would get me through is the vision that one day I'd have my own family.

I would make a promise to myself that no matter what I will be a good father one day and make children feel so safe and loved they never have to worry about anything. You have no idea how tight I held on to that dream in my darkest nights and promised myself I'd have that one day.

Sorry for venting a lot here I obviously don't want to discuss how heartbroken I feel with her and make her think I'm trying to guilt trip her for her personal choices. I don't want to talk to my sister or mother about it too much either because I know how that will go.

They'll just keep saying 'You'll regret not having kids, it's the best thing in the world, I love my kids more than my spouse, etc etc' so I'm just letting it all out here thanks for your insights everyone.

Here were the top rated comments after this update from the OP:


There is a lot to unpack here, but one thing I will say is that 5 years is a long time. People can change a lot in 5 years and it is almost always a very gradual process to change.

No matter what happens, know that it was probably very hard for her to admit to you that she no longer wants to have children and that the change was not an overnight one.

The OP responded here:


Of course. I really appreciate her choosing to have that difficult conversation with me, respecting my opinion while still stating hers.


There might be one way out of this if it is something you both could live with. She doesn't want to bring a child into a messed up world. But, what about adopting a child that is already in this world and needs a loving home?

If she just doesn't want to add to the population, adoption is not doing that. If the child doesn't have to be your biological child, this gives you a child to raise without going against her wishes.

But, if she is hard set on never having any children in her life, then you are not compatible. Life goals matter and you will 100% regret not having children if that is part of what you want for your life.


I feel like some comments aren't answering your question. Here is my take on it:

You seem like you would be a great father, not that I know you obviously. Her opinion is valid. Her concerns are. Your opinion is valid. Your drive to have children is valid.

What I would do:

Talk about it as thorougly as you can. Very simply put: It seems like if there is one thing that can tear you apart it would be this topic, which would be understandable. So try to have a conversation, maybe with the help of a therapist, to make sure you both speak your mind about it all.

Second, try talking about options. From your original comment, it seems like her issues lie mostly with the state of the world, and less with her really not wanting to be a mother or giving birth. Correct me if I'm wrong. Discuss adoption.

Perhaps it would feel better for her to know that she is not bringing someone else into this world, but that she might help some child somewhere have a better life. Also means that she wouldn't have to give birth, which might be something she would indeed prefer.

If she still stands by her stance of not wanting children of any kind with you in any way, it seems to me that you will end up hurting if you commit to a childless life. I am not in your shoes, but I feel the urge to have kids someday too. I can't imagine dying without having raised kids and showing them the beauty of the world, especially since I want them to have the things I didn't get from my parents.

Tough because it is painful, but I think deep down you already know that you don't want to die without having children. So I would suggest trying to talk to her about all of her concerns and try to find a way where she is a part of your future with kids.

If she does not fit because of her own valid beliefs, then I'm afraid that you and her are not meant to be for much longer. And that, in the grand scheme of things, would be okey too. This is my take on this, do with it what you will. In any case, good luck to the both of you.

So, what do you think the solution is here? Do you think the OP should stay with the woman he loves even if it means giving up his dream of having children of his own? How do you handle loving someone that doesn't want the same things as you?

Sources: Reddit
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