Wife devastated as husband laughs at friend's cruel body comments; 'he just laughed along with him.' AITA? + UPDATE
"AIO because I'm mad my husband didn't stand up for me when his friend called me 'gross, fat, and a turkey?'"
No-Experience7433
We were having dinner last night at a friend's house whom I have only met a few times and my husband has recently been hanging out with more. While holding our 10 month old on my lap my husband showed his friend pictures from our wedding last summer.
I was 37 weeks pregnant and had gained 35lbs at that point. The friend looks at a photo and says "oh gross what happened to you?" "Your face is so fat. You look like a fat turkey!"
I tried to calmly explain to him what happens to your body when you're that heavily pregnant (big stomach, bloating, water retention etc.). He wasn't interested in listening and just went on laughing and repeating similar insults.
I looked at my husband and he just laughed along with him. I went and put our baby to bed and cried myself to sleep. My husband has never stood up for me when people have said mean things to me.
I've told him I need him to do that. He always has excuses and promises he will the next time. He never does. I can't stand him anymore and want him to get the hell out of the house. Am I overreacting?
UPDATE:
Thank you everyone who has commented.
I want to answer a few questions that have come up repeatedly.
-Why did I not defend myself?
What I needed at that time was only something my husband could provide. No violence, yelling, swearing, or name calling. I just needed him to say "I thought you looked beautiful on our wedding day babe."
I would have said thank you, had a laugh and we would have moved on with our evening. I needed to feel like a team, like he had my back. I don't care about others opinions of me, I care about my husband's.
-Why did I marry and have a child with this man?
That's a tough one as I love my son and can't imagine a life without him in it. But yes my husband and I met, fell in love, created a life together, wanted the same lifestyle, created dreams and worked on achieving them together.
Yes I was naive. But I have a hard time right now articulating how I feel inside when I ask myself this question. If you dont understand I apologize. I will have to explain it one day to my son when he is older. Hopefully it is easier then.
I want to add that yesterday I was living in a cloud of rage, and said things on this thread and in my personal life out of anger. I really just feel empty and broken. I am trying to process everything but it is tough.
I talk about this in the comments but I should have added this here: Similar incidents have happened before and my husband does not have my back or will join in with the person who is belittling me.
I have explained to him how this hurts me and what I need from him in the future. He always says he will but when the next time comes he does not. I am at my wits end. We attempted therapy but just I have continued it. And yes this is just one of several issues in our marriage.
Okay update: My husband is living at a friend's. But they have a family so I don't know how long that will last. I do not know his plan. My parents are handling our communication.
They want me to take a few days to calm down then reevaluate how I feel and go from there. For the sake of my child I will but as of now I do not want to continue this marriage.
My husband came over to the house for 2 hrs to spend time with our son. My mom and I gave them space and left the house. Whatever my husband lacks in love towards me he certainly has for our son. They adore each other. I would never want them to not see each other.
As for the friend, well I guess my husband called him and gave him my number because he called me several times, and sent me texts saying to call him. I sent him a message saying "my issue is not with you. I do not want to talk to anyone today. Thank you."
He then drove over to my house where I was alone with my baby. I repeated what I said and asked him to leave. He did. He ended up texting me an apology. I accepted it and left it at that.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
wonderfulkneecap
You're under-reacting. First of all, your husband has terrible friends. That comment is mean, misogynist, ignorant and deeply unfunny. Like, even at my drunkest, stupidest, and most giggly, if somebody said anything like that in my vicinity, I would stop laughing and just be like "WTF???"
Second of all, I think your husband is terrible? How dare anyone insult a woman on her wedding day, no less one who is pregnant!!! Dump the pair of them!
The OP responded here:
No-Experience7433
Thank you! That is exactly what I thought his comments were. My husband is out of the house and I feel done with my marriage.
concretepetra
No, I think you’re under-reacting to how much of a jerk he is being, especially if this has happened before. Do not accept that.
The OP again responded:
No-Experience7433
Thank you. And I'm not accepting this. He is out of the house. We might have a conversation in a few days, but honestly I'm checked out of this marriage. I'm done.
kittywyeth
what a strange thing for an adult to say.
Ok-Independence4094
This is so disrespectful and I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not overreacting at all, respect was broken here. You deserve better. Praying for you and a safe delivery <3