Man asks if he was wrong to tell girlfriend not embarrass him in front of his boss.
Opposites may attract, but can they last?
Reddit user u/greentoaud and his girlfriend have very different personalities. She's outgoing and he's more stuffy and professional. He feels embarrassed of his girlfriend's outgoing nature in a professional setting with his work collegues.
He's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for asking my girlfriend to not embarrass herself by bringing up shameful stuff at a dinner party with my company's CEO?'
He writes:
My girlfriend had a kinda rough upbringing and now she turned out really successful. She's also probably the most self-confident and self assured person I know. Which I really admire, but just once in a while, she says stuff that's socially uncomfortable.
For example, we were going to a dinner and my friend kept apologizing for her messy car. My girlfriend said, 'Girl, I grew up in a hoarder house and I'm in the middle of shoveling shit out of that house, there's nothing on earth that could disgust me anymore!'
And while that's true, it was kinda an uncomfortable overshare.
Another time, her coworker was talking about how their kid was really shy and she didn't know how to help. My girlfriend was like 'Give her time, I'm sure she'll grow into herself. I didn't talk to anyone in school, literally like I had no friends if you'll believe it!'
One last time, my girlfriend and I were at a networking event, and one of my coworkers joked about how my girlfriend should enjoy grabbing thirds of food when she's young because she can't eat like that forever.
Without missing a beat, she said 'Oh, I don't think about food restriction like that anymore, it's an eating disorder trigger! Anyway I'm trying to bulk up.'
Anyway, we had a big argument about it. We were invited to a dinner at my company's CEO's house this coming weekend along with a few peers. I asked her to not share anything uncomfortable there. She asked what I meant and I gave her the same examples. I told her that that kinda shamelessness about stuff most people find shameful is awkward.
She was like 'But it's not really shameful? Like I got over that self hating shit. And renovating and flipping a house? So many of your coworkers talk about that.'
I said it wasn't the house flipping, it was the fact that it was her family home and it was a hoarder house. And it was weird to shamelessly talk about having no friends and an eating disorder. She was like 'That stuff is in the past, why would I be insecure now?'
I got exasperated and asked her to just not share stuff that most people would be embarrassed to say at the dinner. And she got angry and said that it sounded like I thought her whole life is embarrassing, so should she shut up?
I said no, just talk about current stuff? Like you just got a promotion, traveled to Europe, bought your dream car? And she snapped at me 'but I'm also still shoveling cat piss stinking garbage every day, so it sounds like you're just embarrassed of me. Fuck you for saying I should have more shame. I'm damn proud of myself, it sounds like you're the one ashamed.
I'm still worried about how this dinner party will go, and I'm questioning whether I fucked up by saying something. AITA for asking my girlfriend to not embarass herself at a dinner party with my company's CEO?
Is he 'The A**hole?' I say yes, but the bigger question here is why is this guy even dating his girlfriend if he's so embarrassed of her personality? Sounds like they are a mismatch and should rethink this entire relationship. If you can't be yourself with someone, then what's the point?
Reddit was divided. Many people think the boyfriend is 'The A**hole' for being ashamed of his outspoken girlfriend.
YTA. Your girlfriend sounds like an emotionally intelligent woman relating to people in conversation, none of these are out of place for the topics, you might not like her saying it but none of what you've described it weird or uncomfortable. She's right, you sound embarrassed by her past.
I'm freelance, and downsized but I used to have a small amount of employees, if one of them had a girlfriend at an event who spoke like this I'd think she was straightforward, relatable, human and sociable. None of that is shameful.
I agree. YTA. But Why are you embarrassed by her? She's connecting to people by being vulnerable and open, which is... how you connect to people.
Gosh yes. If he wants a GF to do exactly what he wants, he may as well but a blow up doll. He has no idea how much his girl makes him more attractive by her being human and relatable. YTA, mate.
YTA. Sounds like you are extremely repressed and would be much better to find someone more your speed. GF seems like too much of a free spirit and emotionally intelligent person. Find someone more emotionally stopped up like you.
YTA. Your girlfriend is a confident woman who knows where she came from and what she overcame to become who she is today. You are coming across as a small-minded person who finds your girlfriend's ability to be open and blunt embarrassing. You are the issue here not her.
YTA, she's right. This is a you problem, and you need to get over it, or you will most likely end up single.
And fucking apologize to her, sincerely.
Dude. YTA. Your gf sounds amazing with nothing to be embarrassed about except her boyfriend.
Some said he was 'NTA' for wanting to make a good professional impression on his boss.
I'd give you NTA. Truama dumping is exauhsting!
I had a coworker who would trauma dump on me ALL the time. I could say I hit my hand on the door on accident and she would reply with 'My Mom used to hit me with the door when I didn't do the dishes' it literally came out of nowhere and it would make me really uncomfortable, because it had no place in the conversation and would just make me feel really shitty about myself, invalidating my experience with my hand hitting the door.
There are other ways of connecting to people without trauma dumping because not everyone goes through the same thing.
I second that. Also, it's one thing to say 'Oh yeah, I'm in the process of cleaning up and renovating my parents' old home and preparing it for sale. What a mess I tell yoi!' than 'I'm shoveling shit and cat piss'.
Agree, NTA. These are the kinds of (supposedly) offhanded comments that bring a fun and casual party conversation to a screeching halt.
Everyone thinks…am I supposed to address that? Are we supposed to be sensitive and supportive right now? Or am I supposed to ignore it? But doesn’t that make me an asshole if I ignore it?
Resulting in an awkward silence because nobody knows what the acceptable response is.
Agreed. OP is just trying to make a good impression with his coworkers / CEO, and well you need a bit of a filter for that. It's not that he's embarrassed by her past, but her comments would be a bit jarring for the setting. I'd say NAH though.