When lifelong friends went on a couple's trip with their respective partners, to say that personalities clashed would be an understatement. While the boys seems to get on fine, the girlfriends were at odds... well, spefically, one girlfriend.
When a 'prank' went way too far, one man decided to call her out for what (he believed) she was. But he isn't quite sure if he did the right thing or went too far himself, so he came to the high court of Reddit to ask:
AITA (Am I the as*hole) for calling my friend’s girlfriend a “jealous, vindictive b*tch'?
My friend, “James,” and I have been close friends since primary school. James has been dating, “Janet,” for 6 months. Janet believes women should be “all-natural,” which means no makeup, plastic surgery, tattoos, piercings or anything “superficial” as she puts it. I’ve only properly spoken to her a few times and she’s always brought it up.
My girlfriend, “Nicole” and I have been together for 5 years. For as long as I’ve known her, I've known that she’s very glam. I’ve rarely seen her leave the house without makeup (though most of the time you can’t tell) and dressing up. Nicole has a nose piercing, a few ear piercings, a few tattoos and is very candid about getting her nose done.
She is everything Janet hates.
A few weeks ago, James invited us to his beach house for a relaxing week away from the city. It was going to be James, Janet, Nicole and I. I thought it was going to be a fun time and a way to get to know Janet a bit better, since Nicole and James are already great friends.
Nicole was reading a book and lounging in the sun when Janet asked her if she wanted to go for a swim, and Nicole declined because “she’s a terrible swimmer and did not want to ruin her hair.” The second part was a joke, but Janet scoffed and muttered something about Nicole being a “snobby b*tch.” Nicole brushed it off.
During dinner, Janet kept insulting Nicole about everything. Nicole would speak and Janet would call her a “posh, pretentious brat.” or James would laugh at something she said and she would immediately turn to Nicole and say something like, “Men prefer all-natural women.” It made the whole dinner awkward and I asked Janet to stop multiple times.
At first, Nicole was laughing her off or making a joke out of the whole thing but eventually it got so uncomfortable that she left the table. Janet called her a “fake” and “sensitive” I told her to shut the f*ck up before I left the table.
Janet woke Nicole from her nap by pouring cold water over her and throwing her dresses in the pool to “loosen her up.”
We left as soon as we could.
James has apologised profusely for her behaviour, but I’ve told him that I wasn’t comfortable hanging out with Janet yet. He did ask me to apologise to Janet for “ruining her good time” and to help “resolve the conflict.' He said once I apologised, Janet will. I refused, and I thought that he had accepted that.
I ran into James and Janet at the store and James confronted me, asking me to apologise to Janet. He looked very desperate and I could tell that he really wanted me to apologise. I looked Janet straight in the eye and told her that, “I’m sorry you’re such a jealous, vindictive b*tch.” and asked her to leave me alone.
I got a bunch of angry calls from James, calling me petty and hypocritical by name-calling Janet. Nicole thinks I should have handled the situation better.
The people of Reddit were thrilled to weigh in on this situation, and their ruling was largely NTA (not the as*hole).
NTA. Janet is a bully plain and simple. Sure you could have refrained from name-calling and still conveyed the same message. But I don't think you owe respect or soft language to the woman who threw cold water on your sleeping partner and ruined her clothes, not to mention spending a whole weekend openly insulting her.
James will either realize his anger isn't with you... or he'll just stay with his abusive girlfriend and your friendship will likely suffer for it.
And oma121315 agrees:
Geez, this is utterly ridiculous. You exhibited incredible restraint. While everyone is entitled to preferences and an opinion, no individual has a right to force their preferences on others. Diversity makes the world go round.
Janet is a bully. James appears to have had a voluntary lobotomy. How could this friend - and I truly doubt that I would consider him one - believe that you would owe his toxic ride upon an apology?
Janet is a physical and verbal bully. I have to wonder if her good time was ruined because she no longer had someone to attack and use as a punching bag. The verbal abuse and throwing water on OP's GF should have shown James exactly who he was dating.
The fact that he didnt step in to try to stop her attacks, didn't intervene in anyway, tried to force OP to apologize to his bully GF and is still datinf this woman shows that he is no friend and reveals a lot about his own character.
I'm no sorry your GF had to deal with this OP..... Also, while I dont condone name calling + think OP could have handled this in a more mature way, I dont think any lies were told and James was 100% out of line for trying to force OP to apologize to an abuser.
Sometimes people seem to need a serious reality check and the only way, short of b-slapping the sh*t outta her, was what OP did. Janet went beyond rude and obnoxious with the water wake up and clothes thing. Looks like she can dish it out but not take it. NTA.
And EarlAndWourder has this to say about Janet:
She might also be the pickme type who insults other girls, especially ones they feel are more 'feminine' than they are. Her 'just a prank lol' attitude feels like that 'I always hang out with guys, girls are so much drama' vibe.
We may never know why Janet said or did what she did, or whether she was jealous or vindictive. But we know one thing, and it's that she sucks.