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Man asks if it's okay to invade his GF's privacy to research her Xmas gift. UPDATE

Man asks if it's okay to invade his GF's privacy to research her Xmas gift. UPDATE

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AITA for snooping through my gf’s stuff for her Christmas present?

My gf just got divorced from her husband because of cheating.

I wanted to get her a nice Christmas present to cheer her up. I knew she loved perfumes. She had a pretty expensive collection.

When I was over at her apartment, I took a picture of her perfumes. She had a lot of samples too so I took pictures of those.

I found a perfume that I thought she would like. She loved her Christmas present.

I told a friend how I got my gf the perfect present. He was in trouble with his wife because he flubbed his gift. He said it was creepy, too much effort for a rebound, and I should never tell her.

I was planning on telling her. I didn’t think it was creepy. AITA?

Here were the top comments.

NoImagination7892

It was perfume bottles that were probably on her dresser. You weren't going through her drawers, closets or rooms you've never been in. NTA - it's actually thoughtful

OP

I guess the only gray area is that I opened the small drawer on her perfume makeup table because it had samples in it. I wanted to make sure I didn’t get her something she already tried.

Bac7

NTA and your friend is a tool. You didn't break into her apartment and read her journal to find out her deepest wish from 2nd grade was to own some Tom Ford Lost Cherry.

You took a picture of her perfume collection to refer back to so that you knew what scent notes she was drawn to and you didn't purchase something she already had. That isn't invasive, it's a good way to get a good gift.

Tuesday_Patience

NTA. If you were only looking at the perfumes/samples, I don't think that's creepy at all. I don't think your girlfriend will be bothered either (but it is a good idea to tell her).

Now...like everyone else reading this, I need WAY more information about the brand new "ex" in front of your girlfriend's "husband". You said the breakup was over cheating - her cheating or his?

Was she already separated when you guys got together? I am not super familiar with divorce proceedings, but you said you've been together for six months and her divorce was just finalized...so what was the timeline?

Obviously, none of our beeswax if you don't want to share, but you've got us all interested now!

OP

I just wanted to get her a nice present. I knew she already had a lot of perfume. I just needed some inspiration and make sure I wasn’t getting something she already had.

Her husband cheated. She was separated when we met. You have to be officially separated for a year before you can divorce in our state. She separated a little over a year ago. I met her a couple months after she separated. It’s been six months since we’ve started dating.

NoticeImaginary

This is bothering me because in my mind, taking pictures of her things is weird and creepy. But for some reason, writing them down and taking notes on what she has isn't creepy.

Same result, just easier. I think what's throwing me off is that the actual act of taking pictures of someones stuff is typically taboo. I know my wife and son have taken a look at my collectables to pick out a gift for me before, so I'm going to go with NTA.

Just a day later, OP returned with the conclusion.

Thanks for the feedback. My gf did exactly what I thought she would do and she asked how I got her the perfect Christmas gift. I could smell the perfume on her which made me happy.

I got her Zoologist Bee and Hummingbird. Based on her collection, she liked gourmands (sweets) and florals. She liked complicated scents and had a few niche ones. She didn’t have any Zoologist scents yet so I also got her a few samples.

A couple of people suggested I shouldn’t tell her about opening her perfume drawer to look at her samples. But I didn’t feel right hiding that. So I told her that I took a few pictures of her perfume collection and all her samples so I could get her the perfect present.

She was quiet for a while. It made a bit nervous that I messed up. But then she hugged me and smothered with kisses. She said I was the perfect boyfriend and she wanted to marry me. I was thrilled since she was a bit reluctant to get in a relationship with me after being burned.

To be clear, she didn’t cheat, her husband cheated on her and left her for his coworker. They legally separated and my gf moved into her new apartment. I met her a couple months later.

She asked me out the day she met me because she thought I was hot. We went on a date and I told her I wasn’t a casual relationship guy so she had to be fully in. We started officially dating six months ago and it’s been a dream.

She got me an awesome birthday present too. A trip to a country I’ve always wanted to visit. She had been asking me about my vacation days and when I planned to use it.

My gf said she wanted to plunge into Zoologist but she had a few hangups. Her ex thought she was wasting her money and scolded her about it a lot. He even threw away some of her perfume which makes no sense imo. She thanked me for breaking that and getting her her new signature scent.

Shoutout to all the fragrance subreddits for helping me find the perfect perfumes.

Here's how the people felt about the conclusion.

LlasaApsoSmile

NTA. Finally....someone pushes a privacy boundary for the right reason.

OP

I didn’t think it was invading her privacy. If I did, I wouldn’t have done it. I respect her privacy but she’s very open with me so I think it’s fine.

KashmirMoonChild

Imagine that! A boyfriend who cared enough to find out something about his potential partners likes/dislikes. Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 NTA and kudos

Attirey

When I first seriously got into crochet, my husband decided to buy me some good quality hooks. I'd only used the cheap starter ones from Amazon and magazine gifts.

He looked them up online and realised there was more to it than just buying expensive ones. So he watched me crocheting to determine whether I held my hooks pen-style or knife-style. Then he looked for recommendations for my hold.

He narrowed it down to two. Bought one of each in the size he noticed I used most often.

For Christmas I got the two hooks with an explanation that I should use them both and decide which I liked better and he would buy me a full set. Ended up with a very large set of really good hooks.

Effort is sexy.

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