Man attends vacation GF was excluded from due to her 'not being rich enough.' AITA?
"AITA for still attending a vacation my girlfriend was excluded from due to her 'not being rich enough'?"
I would like to preface this story by saying I wouldn't consider my family particularly wealthy. I (22M) grew up in Somerville with three brothers, so maybe I'd just say I grew up comfortably? We've always had a nice house there for a family of six and we just live. We don't own yachts by any means, but we also never wanted for anything.
My family typically goes on two yearly vacations. My favorite out of these has always been going down the Cape. Our family friends (my best friend Matthew's (22M) parents) own a house there so our families will drive down in late July or early August and spend a week there together.
Some of my first tastes of freedom, independence, and coming of age experiences were on the Cape, allowed to roam freely with Matt. I got the okay from Matthew's parents to invite my girlfriend along, and had planned to introduce her to everyone on the trip. But after I invited her, she started acting strange.
She was weirdly fixated on it, is the best way I can describe it. She was constantly talking about what celebrities had been spotted there, or how expensive the houses were, etc. It was giving weird vibes, so I spoke with mine and Matt's parents and arranged an earlier meeting so they could get a feel for the situation.
They agreed that the vibes were weird. I don't know how much of it was influenced by her being something akin to a tourist considering she moved to MA two years ago, but it was just bizarre. Matt in particular was pretty put off by it and we agreed it was best if she didn't come this year.
The result was not a positive reaction. I told her we overestimated the amount of space and that we couldn't accommodate her this year. She started talking about plans she and I could make instead during that week, but I clarified that I was still attending.
A switch flipped after that. She basically accused us of looking down on her because she 'wasn't as rich as us' and that she was allowed to be excited. She also said that I 'never should have invited her if I just wanted more alone time with Matthew.'
This has left an even more sour taste in my mouth, but I figured it was good to have some outside perspective to see if I really am being a dick. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
dismalscientist writes:
YTA, and so are your parents, Matt, and his parents, but not because you went on vacation, but because you & yr families disinvited her. So she talks about celebrities and how expensive houses are. SO WHAT? Was she going to do nothing but celebrity watch or ask people how much their houses cost?
She seems starstruck. Presumably, she's never been offered a free trip to the Cape. You have been going there since you were a kid. I think a starstruck reaction is pretty normal.
I grew up in a lower middle class household, so I could see myself the same way. Going on a vacation that's truly a vacation and not being sentenced to sleep on the floor because it's a massive family reunion or left alone because there were very few girls my age in my family would be tremendously exciting.
The better way to handle it would be a few artfully placed sentences here and there. For example, 'we don't see many celebrities when we go--we're having too much fun to care. And if you have friends who have a house on the Cape, there's a whole arsenal of ways to change the subject. This was terribly handled. BTW, this is a dumpable offense.
misatonycuth writes:
ESH. You don’t invite someone someplace and then take the invite away unless the relationship has ended (which may be where you’re headed anyway). That’s rude, crass, and sounds somewhat classist considering the reasons you gave.
On the other hand, I know how cringey and lame it is to listen to someone prattle about real estate prices and famous locals. It just feels childish and creepy. That said, I tend to agree with others (though find those odd things to be hyped about) that she was expressing her excitement.
I don’t see why you couldn’t have just had a conversation with her rather than some sort of test run with Matt/his parents. Sure it’s weird to tell a fellow adult to act like an adult rather than someone on a Hollywood Homes Tour, but that’s way less awkward than the situation you’ve put yourself in.
And to everyone acting like the GF is behaving like a normal adult, turn the situation around: if she were here posting that she got kicked off a vacay because her only lead up conversations were how rich and how famous the area is, you’d all be lambasting her for being a crass gold digger, but in this case, “she’s just excited?”
If money is the only thing she has to be hyped about (the Cape is freaking gorgeous and if you’re seriously hung up on celeb-spotting you don’t deserve to experience it at all), she can sit home and watch the Kardashians.