When this man feels like he needs to tell his GF the truth about her weight gain, he asks Reddit:
My(22M) girlfriend(22F) and I have dated 4 years, we now live together. In those years, she's put on a lot of weight. I have noticed, but, I didn't want to start that fire, so, I said nothing.
I'm not a psychologist or whatever at all, but, I've noticed she still tries to dress like her thin friends and wear the outfits they do. I don't know if this is her being in denial about her weight or not.
At any rate, last Saturday, we were getting ready to go out on this double date to celebrate my buddy getting a new job, we wanted to make it a really fancy ordeal so we dressed up.
As my girlfriend is getting dressed, I hear her call my name and I go into our bedroom. She's got this black dress on, and is actively trying to get this big black belt to fasten around her midsection. She couldn't get it to go. She wanted me to take a crack at it.
I'm pulling and tugging. It got frustrating very quickly and, in the heat of the moment I told her this should be a sign she needs to get on a diet. She gasped, asked me what I was getting at.
I told her that her belly is preventing the belt from fastening and told her babe it's diet time. She said this belt fit her not too long ago, I asked how many cookies ago was that? She called me a d&ck.
The days since this argument have been awful, we're barely speaking. I will say though, I did apologize and say that it was something I said during a moment of frustration. AITA?
NTA. I am going to get downvoted for this, but I really think that the truth has been repressed long enough in the name of "body-positivity". I don't want to get back to the times when it was considered OK to fatshame nearly all women, but, come on, these days we are being asked to ignore it if a woman puts on 20 kg in half as many months.
And many young women do. I guess it partially comes with the changes in life style that follows from moving away from home. Not being able to afford the membership of the fitness club anymore, losing your running partner, not having time to work out, psychological problems; whatever.
But it is WRONG that we are supposed not to notice or mention it. It is unhealthy for the young women and for the people being forced to take part in the conspiracy. You are NTA because you spoke the truth, and the truth will out.
unequivocally YTA You could have said something like “Honey, I’m sorry I’m not getting it either. Is there a different belt or dress you’d rather wear since the belt isn’t working”.
But no, you immediately attacked her weight gain. If you were having such an issue with it then you should have sat her down and had a discussion with her. You let it fester and you definitely are the asshole for how,when and why you said it to her.
4 years is a long time and if you can’t be honest with her and discuss what’s bothering you than maybe it’s not the relationship for you.
Yes weight gain is a sensitive topic, but you as her partner should know the ways to go about things with her delicately enough where this situation could have been avoided.
ESH. Your GF is free to dress how she’d like but if she needs assistance dressing, she has to buy new clothing or make some lifestyle changes to lose some weight. It’s not your job to play Mammy and get Miz Scarlett nice and snug in her corset.
However…once you found the belt to be something you couldn’t squeeze her into, should’ve had said “Sorry, this one won’t work, I have to [insert your getting ready activities],” and left her to deal with it. You could have addressed the situation later, and in a kind manner.
This is your girlfriend and you should be able to discuss things freely, but my word. The way you talked to her was so cruel and demeaning. Most fat people know they’re fat and don’t need reminding.
Sometimes as people gain weight they cling to their old things as long as possible to stave off the reality of their situation. Whichever category your girlfriend falls into, you didn’t treat her like someone you love and respect, you treated her like garbage and for that YTA.
I’m not sure if anyone’s ever told you, but cruelty and bullying aren’t good ways to create change. They’re extremely great ways to cut someone’s self esteem and breed resentment though.