Man disappears after he goes through GF's phone and finds gossip about his 'manhood.' AITA? UPDATED.
When this man is humiliated by his girlfriend and decides to disappear from her life, he asks Reddit:
"AITAH for breaking up with a girl for what she said about my manhood?"
I have been dating a girl for around 3 months. We finally hooked up and I thought everything was fine. Now for context, I consider myself to have an average sized p, perhaps on the smaller side of average.
(Not entirely sure if it’s TMI to post specifics) but I will admit it does look pretty small when soft. Obviously posting from a throwaway as it’s embarrassing.
She’s always been super opinionated on p size, uses terms like “small d energy” etc, but I never thought anything of it or let it affect me, as I said. I consider myself average. And if you ever pull anyone up on mocking p size it’s “haha you must have a small d” so I just never bothered.
So anyway after the hook up a few days later we are hanging out with her friends after work for drinks.
I can feel a weird atmosphere like her and the other girls have been talking about me, like sharing a strange smirk with each other when they first saw me. and her friends are cracking indirect small p jokes, making me super paranoid. I felt embarrassed but didn’t show it.
On the way back to my apartment I asked if she shared intimate details about me with her friends and she said no, she would never.
I’m not proud, but as I felt she wasn’t telling the truth later that night I went on her phone while she was in the shower and went straight to her girls group chat on WhatsApp and man, I tell you it was the most emasculating thing I have ever been through.
Like an hour after hooking up she was roasting me about my size, telling her girls how small I felt in her hands, how her toy at her house was atleast 4x bigger that she was disappointed.
She even said “Aaron really ruined things for me” which is probably a dude from her past who is super hung what makes average look small to her. This girl was even saying I had small b@lls. So now I can’t let it go, and It’s messed with my self esteem massively.
I asked her to leave when she got out the shower and I’ve been ghosting her for about 4 days now without an explanation because I am so embarrassed to even talk to her. No doubt I will get some mean comments mocking me by dudes but please have some sensitivity to this topic.
Do I confront her about this? Do I forgive her? Have any guys been through this?Have any girls DONE this?
I feel like she really didn’t value my privacy and I wouldn’t dare share intimate details about her. There are things I could say about her body but I’d never do that to another person.
Wow I’m overwhelmed with these responses. I will try to reply as much as possible, thank you especially women who have been so kind, and thanks for people reaching out.I was reluctant to share my size but since so many have asked: 5.5” h&rd Just over 2” when not.
I know the average is around 5-6” but hey. I’ve heard girls say average is still small. So I guess it’s small.
I wanted to share this response because it might help some girls with if they with a man who is dealing with small d insecurity.
A woman said it made her feel powerful knowing she can make a small d grow, and wow it just blew my mind, this was my thoughts and I thought I’d share because if more women were like this it could eradicate a lot of that pressure men feel.
Many men would hate to admit this, but when a woman sees your d at its smallest your handing over alot of power and trust to her.
I feel very vulnerable because I am small and a woman has the complete power to crush and destroy your ego, emasculate you and make you feel so much less of a man (and so many girls know this) or alternatively she can unleash your confidence and potentially have amazing se%. AITA for ghosting?
OP also offers this vulnerable update:
Also, I COULD see how this situation could make a man feel powerful. A woman is indeed SO powerful when she knows your d is little, but keeps your “little secret” to herself.
I could totally worship a woman who can openly say I’m small to my face but still desire me. Idk maybe that’s weird but I’m so shy to show a girl to see me when I’m at my tiniest, but if she can accept it, desire me, even can tease me about the size without it mattering, she’s just a goddess to me.
But girls can be cruel with it instead. Many men would hate to admit this, but when a woman sees your dick at its smallest your handing over alot of power and trust to her.
I feel very vulnerable because I am small and a woman has the complete power to crush and destroy your ego, emasculate you and make you feel so much less of a man (and so many girls know this) or alternatively she can unleash your confidence. Anyway, is it bad that I disappeared on her and went through her phone?
Let's see what readers thought about this man's dilemma. Some women weighed in too with their opinions.
louiealone writes:
Oof. girl here. That’s rough. Too big of a bump too early on. It’s the right call to end things. Imo, if you stayed with her, this is either going to be built up resentment or you’re always going to feel paranoid. Either way, not worth it.
As for the ghosting, it’s kind of your call because the convo could go either way. She could essentially turn it on you for invading her privacy. If i were you, i wouldn’t tell her you went through her phone. I’d either continue with ghosting or send a mature text like/
“Hey, sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, been busy. I’ve been thinking about things and don’t really see this going anywhere. I think we should end things. Wish you the best!” OR, If you’re petty like me and you want to get a little revenge you could send something along the lines of:
“Sorry I haven’t texted, been busy. I’ve been thinking about things with us and want to be honest. I didn’t really feel a connection during or after our hookup. You’re totally my type personality wise, but physically not so much.
Your b00bs just felt really small in my hands and I think my ex really ruined things for me. She just really knew how to please me and a se%ual connection is important to me! Anyways, wanted to be upfront. Wish you all the best!” Whatever you decide though, NTA lol.
funguy7 writes:
NTA she completely betrayed your trust and her and her friends were making fun of you behind your back and making jokes in front of you to humiliate you. All of them can go f themselves.
I get talking with friends about these things are common but betraying a partners trust by revealing personal se%ual details is not ok especially if done to embarrass them.
She probably knows why but if not it’s your choice whether to tell her or not. I’m sorry but chances are her and her friends are probably still bashing you even more now that your are ignoring her.
Personally I would talk with her and tell her the truth admit going through her phone was wrong but all the jokes and stuff made you have to find out. Explain to her how she hurt and betrayed your trust and what her and her friends did was not ok and humiliating. That you would never do that to her and that the relationship is over. Sorry this happened man.
tardciscfruit writes:
I would say YTA but not for breaking up with her over her d gossip. YTA for snooping on a person's phone you've only been dating for 3 months.
kovnev writes:
ESH.NTA for breaking up with her over sharing intimate details without permission. She's the AH there - and for lying about it when asked. But YTA for invading her privacy without permission (her phone).
I've had this before, but it was a chick bragging about our bedroom stuff to her friends. I wasn't happy about it even though it's kinda the opposite situation. That shit is private, so we discussed it and agreed on boundaries.
8strategy writes:
It's not a lot different than you comparing her breaststroke to a group of lads saying them were tiny, "all nipple no boobs at all." My ex mary had huge ones... Or you saying that she was super loose ...... It's horrible to be talking about her se% life like that. She is not a teenager!!!!
She has zero respect for you or tbh herself.... It's meant to be an intimate time for you both to enjoy each other and have a good time with each other. It's meant to be a special moment for you both to share with each other, no one else.
You sound like a gentleman who deserves better and more respect from a partner and someone who genuinely loves you. Please don't waste any more time on this person. She has zero respect for you or your right to privacy, has no respect for you, and clearly thinks it's okay to joke and laugh about your se% life.
If this was a man talking about a woman, you would not question if he was or wasn't an absolute d*ckh**d for talking about a woman like that so why is your girlfriend any different???
You did absolutely the right thing by dumping her. I have to say I am delighted you broke up with her for doing this. You have stood up for yourself, and rightly so, she was never going to be a long-term girlfriend (not when she talks about you this way). You will meet someone who truly adores you and respects you.
jest6 writes:
Homie, you aren't the asshole. I'm a well endowed fella. I have no idea why guys would berate you here for this.
I usually kill insensitive jokes about p size when I hear them, and you aren't wrong they do immediately jump to "oh you must feel personally attacked Small D" the response that generally shuts them up in one way or another is "I could whip it out and let you see, but it doesn't work for free."
I am for sure a grower. Starting at about an inch long before growing. I used to be fairly proud of it and so it's plastered across the internet from my younger years.
All I would like to add, while you aren't the asshole you were playing with fire so to speak. Why date someone that has such a personality that she has to talk shit about something that you have no control over?
We don't choose the assets we are born with, making fun of them shows such a character flaw that you should have been miles away living your best life knowing you dodged true scum.
It falls in line with belittling someone for the color of their skin or hair, or because they have a disability. Not even considered a low blow, something so ignorant makes those spouting them look far worse than the one they are attempting to insult.