Man willingly eats Moroccan FIL's 'bowl of poison' to prove manhood; ruins boyfriend's vacation. AITA? UDPATED.
When this man willingly "gets poisoned" by his boyfriend's father and ruins their vacation, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for eating the food my FIL served me and “ruining” my boyfriend and I’s holiday?"
Background info: I (M 41) am a white American, and my boyfriend (M 38) is Moroccan and half black. His parents took a dislike to me the moment we met. We’ve been together for two years, and he lives in America.
The incident in question took place a few days ago. This is only my second time meeting his parents. His mother has been relatively quiet, but it’s obvious she feels the same as his father, who is on an all out warpath.
They think that I’m a typical, useless, American party boy and not good enough for their son, who is an all around goodie-two-shoes. They are wealthy government employees who think that they’re contributing a lot to the world.
Unlike me. Now, it is important to note that I am also wealthy, self made, and high ranking in my career. So I am not attempting to get on any gravy train. My boyfriend and I are staying at their home in Morocco.
The four of us sat down for dinner, cooked by their private chef. Everybody got a bowl of some moroccan food, that smelled really good. I noticed that mine looked paler than the others and didn’t have as much of a smell.
I didn’t comment at first, but then his father outright said, as if he was doing me a favor, that he told the chef to put a portion for me aside before she added ANY of the seasoning, because he thought that “my palate wouldn’t handle the spice well”.
I have no issues with spicy food. I could tell that my boyfriend was already uncomfortable, and he told his father that I could eat what they’re eating.
I managed to keep my cool, despite being really pissed off and told him in no uncertain terms that I could handle spicy food. Next thing, he took my food and went back to the kitchen. When he returned, my food was a shade darker than everyone else’s.
I realized after the first bite that it wasn’t just spicy. It was inedible poison essentially. My boyfriend noticed my reaction and told his father off before telling me to stop eating it. But I didn’t. I ate the damn food. And I have never in my life eaten anything like it.
There must have been an entire bottle of hell in it. The pain. But I persevered, much to my boyfriends protests. His father simply watched. I was sweating buckets, felt sick, almost had an asthma attack (Another reason that my boyfriend was angry with me, because I put myself at risk) but I ate the whole bowl. Then I left the table victorious, but dying a death.
Fast forward, I’ve been in bed for three days, still feel messed up, may not survive. My boyfriend says I should have been the bigger person and that there were no winners, that eating the whole bowl was as childish as his father was for serving it, and harmed only me. He’s been taking care of me, but he’s also blaming me.
I don’t think I was the asshole, even if the last three days of our vacation have gone down the drain.
OP provides his first update, which provides more details about the food and his boyfriend's coming out story:
The food was taken and he intentionally made it inedible. My boyfriend argued with his father afterwards. The food that the others had wasn’t spicy. My boyfriend confirmed. He knows what his father did. It was just seasoned. Mine had nothing, think bowl of boiled rice. I can handle spicy food just fine. My boyfriend and I live together.
He knows what I could or couldn’t eat. His father dislikes me for no reason other than he thinks I am beneath him. He wasn’t being considerate. He was mocking me. My boyfriend was already angry at him for being so rude before I asked to have what everyone else was having.
What I got back was not what everyone else was eating. That was his father’s intention. The man is not denying that he did it intentionally. I know I’m an idiot for eating it, but I did nothing to warrant it.
When he took it, he put a mixture of god knows what into it, to make it taste awful and to make sure it was too spicy to eat, think fire noodles, with Carolina Reaper, on steroids. It was intentional.
My boyfriend’s parents know he is gay and they have accepted that. He is free to be himself in their home. We do not take our se%uality outside of the home while in Morocco. They don’t like gay people. We do not draw attention to ourselves while we are there.
We keep a respectable distance around his parents too, despite them being more liberalHis parents are conservative still, but they have never wanted to disown their son.
He came out to them, after starting college in the US and left them with the decision to have him in their lives or not. And they made that choice. For the assholes that they are, I will never not respect them for doing that.
I’d like to show this post to him later and I’m going to remove this edit before I do. Please, if you are going to comment, there is no need for racism. This is his family and his business.
OP provides this second update:
I have apologized and I am forgiven. I punished myself enough for his liking. But he agrees that his father is an asshole, and he could stand up for me more. I’m out now, appreciate the responses and the laughs.
His father definitely isn't homophobic. He's always been supportive of his son. But he is an asshole. And he was not trying to be considerate. He was trying to be petty.
Before we give you OP's final update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
borgplay writes:
NTA, but, yes, you did not need to prove a point and put your health clearly at risk. You should have thanked him graciously in the first place for trying to be considerate. But I get you have your pride thing going too, and wanted to be clear, you did not need to be babied.
I'd question whether it is that you are a "party-boy" or that you are a boy. Or that you're white. I am unfamiliar with Moroccan customs, but I know there are a lot of countries where two men are still an issue. And an issue for parents.
Either way, while NTA, you should apologize to your boyfriend and admit that it was foolish of you to allow his father to get under your skin.
seaweedusual writes:
OP are you dumb?! YTA to yourself here. You proved his parents exactly how stupid you are. FIL was obviously sh&y to do something like that but why did you have to force YOURSELF to eat the food?
What point were you trying to prove here? Did it make you feel like a man to eat that food and then get sick after that?
Have some self-respect for your body and health. Don’t play these stupid games with anyone. If FIL pulls this shit again, just straight away walk away from dinner.
andsoltitgoes writes:
He doesn't want you as a guest in his home, just like he doesn't want you dating his son. (Frankly, I would not eat another bite of food coming from his hands because everything is a bit sketchy and who needs gastro issues while on a vacation? Speak with the cook yourself or ask your BF to do so and hopefully this will alleviate some of the BS?)
As far as you having some crazy contest with his dad to show him you could handle the spice - that part is on you. It was needless and it proved nothing. And obviously its ruined your vacation because you've been laid up for three days.
Both you and your BF's dad rather suck at being civilized. I'm just on your side because you're far from home and in a hostile setting already. Get well. Don't visit them again, unless you stay in a hotel and remember you are always king of your own castle. Go home and rock your life.
calipticatilly writes:
Your FIL is an asshole. You acted like an asshole. I get that it's galling to have his dad acting like a complete jackass to your face, but the actual important thing here is your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend, with whom you could have spent a wonderful three days in his birth country, eating edible food that you could actually enjoy, having fun and seeing the sights, instead of praying for death and needing him to play nursemaid. Why the hell is your FIL's opinion of you that much more important to you than your boyfriend's opinion of you?
You should keep in mind that this is the stuff people actually tend to break up over--the stubborn jagoff behavior that someone can't be talked out of even when it's clearly stubborn jagoff behavior. Does your boyfriend really need an asshole partner in addition to his asshole father?
dearoldmemaw writes:
YTA. assuming your goal is to be a part of your boyfriends life, and not to win pissing contests with his dad and alienate his family, you should be behaving graciously.
so his dad was being petty. apparently he doesn't think too highly of you for whatever reason, fair or otherwise. instead of proving yourself to be equally proud and easily ruffled, why don't you try doing the opposite? for your boyfriends sake if nothing else.
all you needed to do was amicably reassure his father that you quite like spice and seasonings (Idc if he knows, say it again as if he didnt know), and that his country's food is delicious.
throw in an extra compliment to their excellent chef, and thank your boyfriends parents again for their kindness in hosting you. then ask if theyd mind if you pop into the kitchen and add a little spice to your plate so you can try it the traditional way.
is it over the top? yeah, maybe a little, but I'd at least try to kill them with kindness before completely giving up on having a relationship with them.
Then, OP provides his final update:
Final update: FIL has admitted that he didn’t think in a million years I would actually eat the food. The point was that it was going to be inedible. But he won’t apologise, because I chose to do it. My asshole and I have reached a wary truce. Thank you all for the well wishes.