My girlfriend Amber and I have a good relationship overall. Personality wise, we get along great. Hobby wise, it’s a very big difference. Before I start off, I know I’m going to get the “Oh then why would you be with her?” And I ask myself this too at times, but I just love her as a person. She just… embarrasses me.
Amber is into old things. She dresses every day like it is 1969. She wears clothes that are crazy in colors and patterns, and just overall, not what people wear today. Her friends, along with other people our age (early 20’s) all dress in recent style clothes and pants. Amber does not.
One day she wore this vest with a patterned shirt underneath and 70’s looking pants at the store. As we were walking, people just kept.. staring. It makes me uncomfortable because in their head they are probably like “Woah. Is this chick confused on the year?” Amber only listens to music older than my grandmother.
This causes a disconnect with my friends, they will ask her who she likes to listen to, and she will speak of a name that nobody has heard about. She does like more “popular”, older bands. Such as the Beatles, The Doors, and Jimi Hendrix. But it is very rare that people our age listen to that.
Her apartment is ALL old. She has antiques of 70’s ad’s, orange color wallpapers, couch, rugs, and it just looks like a grandmother's house. She has old “pinup” posters of half naked ladies.
One day she asked me if I wanted to invite my friends because her friends were coming for a party. Politely, I declined. But then she started to ask why. I told her that I am embarrassed of her house. In the eyes of most of the human population, it is weird.
Idk, I talked to my friends and they said they would feel the same way. How about you? I don’t want to seem like an AH, but I don’t know how I can bring this up to her or how to ask if we can maybe find a compromise.
YTA, obviously. Amber sounds like a unique and interesting person, I'd love to be her friend, and I hope she finds a boyfriend who proudly shows her off rather than someone who she "embarrasses" by being herself. If you're not secure enough to be with someone who gets funny looks, do both of you guys a favour and let her go.
Lol, this is one of the posts where it's obvious that OP is YTA.
You the butt for sure. If you’re walking around in shame due to your GF’s pretty BASIC and COMMON interests (#thrifting, #retro, #vintage) then put yourself out of your self-manufactured misery.
I love the GF, though. Wish I was invited for cocktails!
YTA, she sounds awesome.
She has style, confidence and individualism. You have none of those things.
Lol YTA. You should date a boring conformist. Or grow a backbone. Pick one.
YTA. Do Amber a huge favor and break up with her. A relationship where one of the partners is "ashamed" to even be walking down the street together is destined to fail. She'll be much happy with someone who appreciates her quirks.
YTB. What is your endgame here? Do you expect her to change her entire home decor for you? I mean, you've basically just told her that if she wants to continue seeing you, she has to put up with knowing her style embarrasses you in the short term, and has to make major lifestyle compromises in the long term if you guys are going to intertwine your lives.
What I'm reading here is a confident person living their best life in a relationship with someone who is so unaware of their own social anxiety they let it control them without even considering they might be the problem.
If being a conformist is your focus, that's fair. But it sounds like your focus and hers are not compatible. Fear is a sh!!tty motivator and of the two of you, it's not her who is being motivated by fear. Given that she would literally have to become afraid of the judgment of others in order for you to feel better, it's time to move on or get some therapy for your own issues.
YTB and I do sincerely hope you reach a place of facing your anxieties. Being afraid of what other people think to the point you can't be free to enjoy a confident partner is a self-imposed prison. I hope you find the key to free yourself. And I hope you do it before you try to force your partner into a prison as well.