'AITA for excluding my brother-in-law from my bachelor party and my wedding party?'
"AITA for excluding my brother-in-law from my bachelor party and my wedding party?"
Im engaged and getting married relatively soon. For some background, my sister got married last year. Her husband, I'll call Bill, is a nice well intentioned guy but just not super interesting. Neither she or him have many friends, which is fine they're happy together.
But he included me in his wedding party which is fairly normal as a way to branch out, but also asked me to his bachelor party. It ended up being us two, his brother, and one other friend of his. It was a very chill weekend, which was fine but not the way Id have my bachelor party.
For my wedding I have a best man and 8 groomsmen. Were going to Vegas for my bachelor party in a couple weekends. Apparently Bill has always wanted to go to Vegas but it never even crossed my mind to invite him, nor would I really want to hang out with him and my friends.
Of course I didnt invite him because I had no reason to. Well my sister asked me yesterday about when im asking all my groomsmen and i told her I already did. She asked why I didnt ask Bill and I said the thought didnt even cross my mind.
She said Im one of his 'best friends' which I thought was kinda funny becasue to me he's just my sister's husband. We golf together every now and then but I wouldnt really call him a 'friend'.
Anyways, she's trying to get me to invite him but I have no interest. My friends that are all going can get pretty rowdy, and I want to get rowdy on my bachelor party too. Meanwhile Bill will likely just be super awkward and ruin the vibe. AITAH if I stand by my guns and not invite him?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
whitesauce2 writes:
YTA. As you pointed out, Bill had you in his wedding party because it's normal...but you didn't feel like that applied to him? I agree he's not really a friend, but he's your family now. You could've at least had a conversation with the guy instead of playing the 'I just didn't consider it' card. Just comes off rude.
Betcha Bill could've been the Zach Galifianakis to your wolf pack - a straight man that doesn't really fit in but gives a bit of 'colour' to the group dynamic. Could've been a riot in Vegas.
I mean its pretty normal to ask the sibling of the person you're about to marry as a way to fill out your wedding party. If my fiancee had a brother I'd consider doing that too. He's not my fiancee's sibling. He's my sister's husband.
There's no need for a Zach Galifianakis to my wolf pack. We already have 12 people at this bachelor party and they're all good friends of mine that Im excited to spend time with. Bill, not so much. He's not a bad guy but he's a pretty bland guy and I feel like he'd just kill the vibe.
yousaywownow writes:
NTA. But Bill is going to be in your life for a long time, so it would be a good thing to try and build upon the friendship you have, especially if he already values it so much.
That doesn't mean you have to invite him to be a groomsman or even to your stag do. Definitely not the AH on this.But perhaps you can organise to spend some time with him outside of those two things, and try and forge a closer friendship.
It sounds as though he's more introverted than your normal friendship group but that doesn't mean you can't build a decent mutual friendship.
He's going to be very hurt by not being included in the wedding and stag, so I'd suggest that it's worth thinking about how you want to frame that decision... assuming you don't want to crush him completely and would like to maintain a friendly relationship. I don't think you'll have the luxury of just not saying anything and hoping it will go away.
YTA, "be awkward" how? By quietly sitting there? Would it really bother you that much? He's your sister's husband, why burn a bridge for no reason?
He's very socially awkward, doesnt like big crowds which will be common in the activities were doing. Only thing he ever really talks about is politics and church which gets exhausting very quick. He's also extremely into his religion which I am not remotely religious, neither are any of my friends.
Basically we dont really have much in common. He's trying to learn how to golf and I go with him when he asks because he doesnt have any real friends to play with. But besides that, I just dont really enjoy his company. He makes my sister happy and seems to treat her well and I appreciate that. But we just aren't friends.
You sound like an a^%$ole. You don’t have to invite him but you don’t have to be an asshole about it either. Don’t be a coward - be upfront with him.
Tell him why he is not being invited. At least he will know not to think of you like anything but his wife’s brother. YTA - your lack of consideration and tact is embarrassing.
If he asks me if he's invited, I have no problem telling him "no, Im keeping it with just close friends." But I have a lot of people I'm friendly with or semi friends with that Im not inviting either.
When hosting something Ive never reached out to people who aren't invited to tell them why. Ive also never had someone reach out to me to tell me Im not invited to something. That just seems very weird for everyone involved.