I (29M) lost my wife (32F) two months ago. Known her for almost 3 years married for 11 months. She adopted a daughter when she was with a same sex partner before me.
Her partner left her and got married to a man and me and my partner learned she was pregnant before my wife died. I met my wife in a counselling therapy group for something we both struggled with.
Before our marriage her daughter spent a lot of time with my wifes' parents and some time with her ex in between, her exes parents are religious and had little to no contact with their own daughter and the child she adopted.
Due to her pregnancy she no longer wants to have contact with their adopted child. I tried telling her that I don't know this girl as well as she does and that means she needs to take on the parent responsibility with her new husband as I don't have any legal obligations. She claims neither does her husband.
Last Thursday she sent me a text that she and her husband couldn't look after a six year old as they weren't equipped for it and it wasn't fair to her husband to dump someone elses child on him.
I can't take her as I simply don't know her that well and she claims that according to Texas laws I inherited the child from them (my wife and her). I am not staying in the US as I plan to move back to my country and her suggestion is that I take her with me after legally adopting her as I inherited her due to my wife's death.
She sent me some links and told me that if I wasn't up to it I should rehome her. I looked at the links and some people that contacted me about her and it looks illlegal. Not wanting to get in legal troubles of that kind I dropped her off on her porch on the day I moved out of my apartment, even paid a penalty to move out quicker due to the lease.
She flooded my social media with harassing messages and a few of my late wives other friends left death threats on it. My wife's parents aren't young according to them and they told me if I would stay here instead of moving back they would help out in the holidays and then I could take care of her the rest of the time.
They say she can eat, dress and bathe herself so it's no big deal. My wife's exes husband left a voicemail with a threath, saying I am ruining his pregnancy bliss. AITAH for dropping her off instead of rehoming her? TA as I had to block a lot of of my social media.
EDIT: I am a recovering alcoholic. I don't think I am a good fit for her. I need to go back to my parents because I already bought alcohol twice, and I managed to pour it out but I need to focus on me. I can't look after her. There is too much going on in my life.
ESH. Call children’s services immediately. I wouldn’t even treat a dog this way.
I can’t believe I even read “rehome” in the same context of a child. So fucking sad. I only feel bad for the kid, what shitty card to be dealt.
At least you could have handed the child to CPS or the cops. They would have taken legal actions keeping in mind about the child's safety. You are no less an AH than the ex. that Poor child.
You both are acting like this isn’t a child but an object. Poor kid.
Considering that the OP isn't from the US, I'm going to assume that he doesn't know our laws regarding this issue and didn't know how to approach it. He also states that he's a recovering alcoholic and has bought alcohol twice since his wife died. His use of "rehoming" may be because he doesn't know the proper wording if English isn't his first language.
I'm going to say NTA, but only because OP is grieving, probably isn't knowledgeable in our laws, and probably felt overwhelmed with everything and didn't know what the heck to do.
The real asshole in this situation is the other parent. If she adopted her and is on the adoption papers, then this is her child. I don't care that she's pregnant and moved on with her husband.
You don't just get to say that you don't want the responsibility anymore because you're pregnant. If she didn't want the child anymore when she started her new life, then she should have taken legal action to terminate her rights.
As for OP, just dropping her off on the doorstep was a crappy thing to do. If OP was already buying alcohol, then the child wouldn't have been in a good situation with him either. Honestly, this is just a sad situation all around, and even though OP may not have done the best thing, legally, the child is not his and her remaining parent is the one that is at fault.
ESH. You abandoned a six year old. You didn't know she was safe, and just left her. That is absolutely an AH move. You should have left her with the police or CPS and told them who her legal parents are. That was the ONLY thing you should have done.
But that woman is her parent. If she wants to give up her responsibilities, she can do it legally. She clearly doesn't want to because she knows it will reflect poorly on her, and CPS may declare her an unfit parent for the child she is carrying, but that's HER problem. That poor kid. You all suck. You don't suck as much, but you still suck.