Man FORCES shady brother to buy him a new engagement ring ASAP. AITA?
When this man is furious with his brother, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?"
I'm (26M) proposing to my girlfriend (24F) on our 4th anniversary, September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price.
Last weekend, I told my brother (33M) about my plans, and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend (29F) as well.
The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could "borrow" my ring to propose to his girlfriend.
I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a "placeholder" and then take her to pick her own ring later.
His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes. I'd never heard of "placeholder rings", so I said no and the conversation moved on.
On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend. With my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat.
I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd "keep his promise" and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring.
We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from.
I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring.
He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive.
My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on him. He's now refusing to talk to me.
I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother about these things, and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my fiancée, and many of our friends overlap.
The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided: she thinks what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
hewhoisperson writes:
NTA. wtf, he straight up stole the ring. Probably felony theft given the likely value. And he can't very well say he "would" have given it back if he didn't give it back the moment you asked him to buy you a replacement.
He didn't, so of course he had to buy a replacement. That or you could just have gone to the police... but then that would probably cause more than a little family drama. He is a massive asshole and he has no complaint here.
ravenclawriddles writes:
NTA. And wtf it sounds like your brother was trying to beat you to the punch by stealing your thunder and your ring. Tbh, sounds like your plans made him panic for whatever reason and instead of thoroughly planning his own engagement, he went to steal your ring and pop the question before you could.
Maybe it’s simpler than that and he was just being lazy and inconsiderate. But, this whole situation sounds a lot deeper than that.
mousingjoke writes:
Your brother is an absolute AH ...and you would only do his fiance service tbh, if you told her about all of this. I would want to know my SO have this side before getting married to them, to make an informed decision.
Your mother is also low-key AH here, you did not stoop anywhere, if he wasn't a liar, thief, and cheapskate to boot, nothing would've been threatened, it was all his own doing. On the contrary , he almost ruined your proposal because his GF of course posted the ring in the group chat.
Also I must wonder, he probably came up with the whole proposal just to be the first one in some weird rivalry with you, he couldn't plan it since he wanted to borrow your ring and could not count on that option before you told him.
So he decided to go ahead with the proposal within days, only after you told him your plans. That's honestly nuts. And he has some major complex towards you apparently.