When this man is upset with his SIL, he asks Reddit:
This may get downvoted into oblivion but I need answers. It all started on new years when I (M28) returned from my GF's (F28) place abroad.
My Sis in law (22 - let's call her Jessica) and my brother fetched me from the airport to reveal that they got engaged and were planning to marry in September. Despite having mixed feelings since Jessica has a history of causing trouble, I congratulated them.
The news came coincidentally right when I was preparing to propose to my GF I'd be flying back to shortly after.
We had been entertaining the idea of getting married for a while at that point especially since the 2,5 years of forced seperation during covid had been a nightmare none of us wanted to repeat. Considering our different nationalities, getting married was necessary to get a visa to live together. Essentially all our future plans depended on it.
I proposed in late March and we started researching how long everything would take. The answer: LONG. So our choice was simple: Get married soon. Best before september even. Only on paper.
No big ceremony/party until we live together.
Knowing that Jessica is very emotional I expected that it would cause stress, so I sat them down, explained the situation, telling them that I really hope they understand.
While my brother nodded in approval, Jessica remained silent. That was until she got home and wrote me a huge text about how they (meaning herself - a reoccuring theme) would feel like something was being stolen from them if they weren't marrying 1st and that we'd have to delay our plans until after September.
I didnt tell my fiance about this right away to spare her the stress but I needed to process what happened so I talked to my mom, who gathered us together in an attempt to settle the dispute. Jessica stormed out of the room crying that day. My brother then nicely asked us to leave, knowing that she'd stay in her room.
Fast forward 6 weeks. I had moved on from the incident and was ready to forget, when Jessica wrote me another long text, breaking her silence, calling me rude & "mama's lil boy", saying I needed to give her special treatment because of her childhood trauma and that I hurt her, indirectly threatening a long family feud if I wouldn't apologize and delay the wedding.
Because it wasn't the 1st time she pressured me to get what she wanted & I made my point, I didn't reply, trying to talk to my brother instead which took another week because Jessica wouldn't let him.
I then told him that I wasn't going to change my plans, that I found her message absurd & that she most certainly wasn't getting an apology.
Over the next 2 months Jessica would send a text every 1-2 weeks, getting more aggressive, blocking me despite me literally saying nothing, then unblocking me again to write more, texting my mom and my fiance about me (the latter doesn't even have contact with Jessica), sending my bro as messenger to put even more pressure on me. I eventually had enough and blocked her for good.
NTA. Jessica is demanding that you push our your legal marriage by nearly a year, just so she can be first. You're not even planning a ceremony - just a legal document, so that you can get the ball rolling on a Visa.
NTA. Just live your life. Maybe your brother can see that he's about to marry a spoiled baby and change his mind. Your marriage has nothing to do with her. You aren't hurting her or taking anything away from her. You are doing a quick, legal ceremony.
NTA, Jessica sounds like she has BPD and I feel sorry for your brother if he ever marries her. As for the continuing to send you and your family nasty messages, I'd fire off a 1 paragraph message that any future messages will be considered as harassment and you'll take them to the police.
I'd also send copies to your brother. He probably doesn't know what she's doing. Make it clear to your brother that you love him and will always have his back. He will need to know that one day when he finally sees through her and she directs that rage at him.
Just press on with your plans and don't let Jessica know anything about your wedding. I wouldn't put it past her to do something petty to try and ruin it. I wish you both the very best for the future and congratulations on your engagement.