Man suffers heart attack after wife insults him; considers issuing ultimatum at hospital. AITA? UPDATED.
When this man is shocked by his wife's reveal to him and goes straight to the hospital, he asks Reddit:
"I suffered a heart attack after my wife told me the truth about our marriage, I am afraid of her now. AITA?"
I (30M) have been married to my wife (29F) for two years, and we have known each other for six. A few weeks ago, we had an argument, and during our disagreement, she told me that I am replaceable.
After our argument, she went out with her friends. I have been dealing with some health problems for a while, and the argument stressed me out, leaving me nervous and unwell. I was alone in the house and decided to call the paramedics because I felt that something was really wrong. To sum up, I suffered a heart attack.
In the hospital, they tried to reach my wife, but she didn't respond, likely still upset from our argument. She called later, after coming home, when she found out that I'm not there. After learning of my condition, she came to see me and stayed with me the entire time, constantly crying and holding my hands.
After being sent home, she did everything so I could recover faster. However, despite her efforts, I couldn't stop thinking about how she had told me that I'm replaceable. I constantly think about it, I want to confront her about it, but I don't think I'm ready.
I'm trying to understand why context matters. In what way or situation is it acceptable to call your partner replaceable? The audacity to even say something like that is beyond me.
I will answer some things here. We have no children. I have genetic health problems, external factors also contributed to my problems. I have higher salary then her, so I mostly pay the bills or buy things for our home.
I mostly cook and clean, she does it to but mostly me, It's not 50-50, more like 60-40. She isn't actively trying to kill me, I hope so at least. I don't know if she has a F buddy.
Let's also adress the elephant in the room. We had argument about our house, some issues with it, after that we also discussed our priorities, careers and intimacy. At one point discussion was replaced by her venting and saying things not even related to original discussion.
I had no issues with her ranting about things until she told me that I'm replaceable. That was the end of conversation. I no longer wanted to talk. She finds my silence terrifying but she didn't stay in the house for long after argument.
I don't know when she came home, I woke up in the hospital and she was there. She kept crying and holding my hands. She didn't speak much, she couldn't. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
prettypandemonium writes:
My husband once said to me: "Wives are replaceable. Mothers are not. Mom will always win." Within the year our nine-year marriage collapsed.
The context was finding out how deeply involved his mother was in our marriage, arguments, decisions, etc. We were not arguing, but having a discussion about how it wasn't right to basically have a third person in the marriage, that it was between the two of us.
The way I found out was during a discussion about investments we had made, I got up from the table we were talking at, and found his phone on the counter, with "MOM" showing on screen.
He'd called her and had her listen in to our discussion, so he could take it to her after we were done. I disconnected the call without comment, and she called back immediately.
He vehemently disagreed that it wasn't right, and made that statement to me, basically stating that it was he and his mom against me, and I'd always lose. While she was still on the phone listening in.
It was like a gut punch. It opened my eyes to a lot of little things that eventually led to filing for divorce. He was stunned. His mom called me immediately and said: "You can't do that!" Well, yes I can. And did.
As a petty move, I served his mother the divorce papers at the same time, so she could 'be involved' in the divorce lol. $50 well spent in my opinion! She came to our hearing and was so vocal about what she thought was right or wrong, that the judge ordered her out of the court room lol.
He's her full-time problem now. They've been living together since the separation and she's miserable about it. They deserve each other.
tinyad9 writes:
I think you need space my friend, to think this all through. What she said cant be put back into the bottle. Even if said in anger, even if she didnt mean it, you'll never 100% know.
Clearly your health would be better without this level of stress. I dont know what is causing your heart problems, whether it's fitness, diet or just a heart condition. But clearly you need time to rest, mentally and physically and build up some cardiac resilience.
I strongly suggest listening to your doctors, and potentially living separately from your wife for a month or two. I dont really care if your marriage doesnt survive that, as long as you do. NTA, look after yourself, you cant live if your heart gives out.
otherwisebats9 writes:
Maybe it would be better to address this in marital counseling so that way having a third party will help you guys to not get too heated, so that you can remain calmer while you guys figure it out.
Because holding in being emotionally hurt can affect your health, but if you both are prone to yelling/getting heated in serious discussions that could lead to another heart attack... you could also try solo therapy first to talk about it and get it out of your system so that when you approach with your wife you will have calmed down some of your emotional pain first.
And you might need to tell your wife some ground rules when it comes to arguments (such as taking a 5min time out to do breathing exercises in separate rooms) to keep your blood pressure (or whatever cause the heart attack) in a safe range.
I don't know what your argument was about, but sometimes people say stuff they know will hurt because they are already hurt. Not that it makes it okay, but she may not actually feel you are replaceable, maybe she just wants the things she is frustrated with to be replaced with happy things.
Please don't internalize those words and disrespect. Please lean on friends or family you trust, or a therapist. Good luck and I hope you stay healthy and can work this out!
illustrious9 writes:
NTA. Dude. im not one of those people who would jump on the divorce band wagon, but this is messed up on a different level.
you need to get out as soon as possible. I can bet you bottom dollar shes being the all caring wife because she remembers what she said during your argument. and if she can so easily say that you're replaceable, im can assure you she already has some one in mind.
so dont wait for the other shoe to drop. get your shit together and find a good divorce lawyers and serve her. theres a possibility, she might even be emotionally involved with someone if she can make threats like this so easily. but one this is for sure, she does not love you.
OP offers this update:
Update: I've decided to separate for a month. I gave her an ultimatum while I was in the hospital. We will go to a counselor and speak maybe 1-2 times a week. If she cares about me, she will accept it and do everything she can to improve our relationship and marriage.
If she starts playing around, going out on dates, or if I suspect her of cheating, I will end it. There won't be any forgiveness or second chances. I will make an update post sometime in the future. So many of you reached out and offered support and advice. I think the least I can do is provide you with the update.