Man hires PI to catch cheating GF; now she wants 'palimony' for the breakup. UPDATED

"Hired a PI to Watch My Fiancée on Her Girls' Trip and Now I'm Torn"

torntrust2323

Hey everyone, long-time lurker, first-time poster here. I never thought I'd be the one to spill my story on a confession subreddit, but here we are. To cut a long story short, my fiancée and I have been together for five years. Every year, she goes on this girls only trip with her close friends.

Something in my gut had been bothering me about these trips. Maybe it was the slight changes in her behavior afterward or the cryptic conversations I'd overhear. Instead of directly confronting her, I did something I'm deeply ashamed of. I hired a private investigator to watch her during her recent trip.

I got back the results a few days ago, and as much as I regret violating her privacy, my suspicions were not unfounded. The PI presented evidence of her being unfaithful. It shattered my heart.

Now, I'm caught in this storm of emotions. On one hand, I deeply regret snooping and not trusting her enough to talk about it. On the other, the betrayal from her side feels even more significant. I love her, but I can't see a future together anymore.

How do I even approach this situation? Do I confess my snooping? Or just end things without revealing the reason? Any advice is welcome.

The top comments gave fairly cut and dry advice.

Vince780

Just tell her you know. You don’t have to give details. She’s not going to tell all her details. Be glad you didn’t marry her

CelticDK

Shes been cheating on you, then coming home to you like nothing happened, effectively stealing your time away from you to be happy building a future with a woman you'd actually want to be with forever, and you're mad your intuition saved you since she wouldn't?

Play it smart. don't let her know what's up until you have all your ducks in a row. Who she is, and who you thought she was (the version you love) are not the same. Who you love right now does not exist. That's what you're grieving. Not the shell that looks like her that you need to get out of your life

Ceret

I would definitely just go with an ‘I know what happened’ and maybe one undeniable detail and give her enough rope to hang herself. I

’d also let the partners of the other women on this trip know what they’ve been getting up to. At the very least there is open collusion in infidelity going on.

The saga continued with a second update eight days later.

Hey everyone, I've received many messages asking about the situation and I thought it was only right to keep those who cared in the loop.

When my fiancée returned from her trip, I tried my best to handle things maturely. I gave her a chance to be honest, asking if there was anything she wanted to share about her trip.

Instead of coming clean, she gaslit me, making me question my own perceptions and reality. Having the evidence I had, I confronted her about the affair. She was taken aback and immediately asked how I knew. I told her the truth, that I hired a PI.

I didn't want to falsely accuse any of her friends as some of you suggested, even though, honestly, part of me was tempted. She was furious. I've never seen her that angry in all our years together.

Additionally, feeling it was the right thing to do, I shared the evidence with one of her friends' boyfriends so he could be informed and consider getting tested, if necessary.

It was clear to both of us that our relationship had reached a breaking point. We broke up right then. Despite it being my house that I've financially covered for us, I left and checked into a hotel, giving her space and asking her to pack her things and move out.

We didn't communicate for a few days. When she finally reached out, she expressed a desire to talk and perhaps find a way to mend things. But the trust was broken, and I couldn't see a future for us. I told her no.

And now, the part I didn't see coming: she's considering pursuing palimony payments. For those unaware, palimony is financial support provided to a partner in a non-marital relationship after separation.

I've been informed that due to the relationship laws in our state, this could very well be a real concern. I've initiated the process of hiring a lawyer. During our relationship, I took on the majority of the financial responsibilities, including the mortgage.

We had an unspoken understanding - "my money is our money, her money is her money" due to our significant income differential. I never thought that my generosity would come back to haunt me.

There it is, the update many of you asked for. I wish I had a happier conclusion to this chapter, but life has its twists and turns. It seems she might have the upper hand in this final act, but I'm hoping for a fair resolution. Thank you for the support and advice; it has really meant a lot.

Commenters were shocked to hear about 'palimony.'

WannabePicasso

I hope that the palimony does not materialize. It may not feel like it, but it's better to know now rather than a few years (and kids potentially) down the road. Good luck to you!

Johnnys_Sack

I have never heard of palimony. You made the right call though about breaking up with her. Should have gone no contact.

Scared_assistant_649

The audacity of the GF. Shows she has no shame at all. Best of luck to you

IntheBoxAlready

She revealed her character all around, thankfully you didn't marry this trash.

A post on Best of Redditor Updates put the story together — and commenters there were a little more hopeful for OP.

AClownandHerDolly

I doubt she'd get palimony even if she didn't cheat. If what OP says is true, she had her own money and presumably her own job; he paid the bills while she kept hers. It's not like she was jobless for years and minding the home while he went to work, leaving a damaging gap on her resume. Sounds like OP should counter for court costs

Training-Constant-13

I can't comment on the legal part of it because I'm not from where OOP is, but man!! The audacity of his ex to cheat on him AND lie AND ask for money support after she was found out?! WOW!

I hope OOP walks clean out of this mess, both financially and from any STDs. Yes, hiring a PI could be considered shameful, but his gut feeling was correct and it looks like his ex was only using him for his money. That's so sad, man. Wishing the best to him!!

Xanif

I always find it interesting how people who have multi year long affairs want to "mend things." What are you supposed to do in that situation? Check their phone every day? Control who they are friends with? Never let them go out anywhere unless you're with them? Or do they really think they'll go back to the status quo?

Zedzii

I feel for the guy in all this, you can tell he loves her. He has nothing to be ashamed of, at least he had the sense to get proof, I'm sure the P.I. did a better job than any family/ friends could have, getting all the evidence he needs for his impending court case.