Man locks financially dependent girlfriend out of their home after learning she cheated. 'AITA?'
"AITA for leaving/ghosting my GF that was financially dependent on me without warning after discovering she cheated on me?"
Here's the story:
My gf and I have been together for 7+ years, have long talked about marriage, and talked even more about future kids. She quit her job a couple of years back to pursue a medical degree.
Last week I discovered she had cheated on me with an ex-BF from high-school. I needed to use her phone to call mine, and went I unlocked her phone it was open on a WhatsApp conversation between them. I have nothing against the guy personally, but he's going no where in life and I don't understand why she'd want to be with him.
Anyway, rather than sadness/heartbreak this actually just made angry. Angry that I've put so much into this relationship and woman that I thought would be the mother of my future children. Angry that I've been supporting her through college including rent/food/tuition. Just angry.
So I arrange a locksmith to change the locks the next day (edit: with landlord's permission) while she's at class, pack up as much of her stuff as I can find, and leave it outside. Text her of what I've done, and say if she wants to get anything else I've missed to have her brother come and get it - I don't want to see or speak to her ever again.
Anyway, since I did this both my parents and hers have been relentlessly calling me. They say that what she did is wrong - but it's no reason to throw away 7+ years - and that if I kick her out she will be forced to drop out and waste years of education. What do you guys think? Am I the a**hole here? Should I swallow my pride and approach this differently?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA - cheating is what throws away a 7+ year relationship, not the person realizing they deserve better than that. If I were you, hearing that from either set of parents would annoy me to no end. Can she not take out a student loan to finish her education? Have a conversation for the sake of closure if you feel like you owe her anything, but other than that, be on your merry way.
bornconfuzed said:
NTA, but you may have violated local landlord/tenant laws by changing the locks and engaging in a self-help eviction. You have no obligation to continue a relationship after a violation of trust like this.
avocado__dip said:
NTA. She is of course completely in the wrong. But I think a relationship of that length deserves a final conversation.
"if I kick her out she will be forced to drop out and waste years of education" Not your problem.
00Lisa00 said:
There's a distinct possibility that she was just using you to get her education and debt paid off. You're NTA and you did nothing wrong. It's not your problem if she finishes her education or not, she is an adult and can get a job just like everyone else. No one, especially you, owes her a free education. She has skated along getting all the benefit. If she has time to cheat, she has time to get a job.
elunak said:
ESH. Perhaps I’ve got the unpopular opinion here. Reddit is always wanting to go nuclear on cheating SOs, which I understand. But yes, you could’ve just given her time to gather her own stuff and leave. It’s really not gonna hurt you to give her a few days to do that. It’s a decent thing to do and even though she cheated, you shared 7 years of your life with her so you know she’s not some monster. She’s just a horrible partner.
avast2006 said:
NTA - she’s a damned user. Tell her parents that her new boyfriend can finish paying for her schooling.
And the way you went about it was fine. It was exactly like kicking her out, without the face to face screaming match.