Man cheats, leaves wife because of miscarriages; he learns she's now pregnant. UPDATED
"Am I wrong for not telling my ex about my pregnancy?"
Far_Beach_2138
My (33F) ex (33M) and I have been together since we were kids. We started out as friends then in high school we started dating. We eventually got married and was trying to have kids. But it was unsuccessful. I had 4 miscarriages within 2 years we were trying. Mentally and emotionally, I was broken.
Then I came to know that he has been cheating on me. He claims that if I was able to have kids, he wouldn't have wanted to seek someone else. He wanted to divorce me. Said he wanted kids and knows I cannot have them. I begged and pleaded but nothing.
To add more salt onto my wound, while we were doing the divorce proceedings, he got his affair partner pregnant. We were both 29 when that happened. After the divorce I had no contact with my ex or any of our mutual friend.
The only link I had was my mom (my ex's mom and my mom were friends). But I told my mom to stop bringing his news to me. It's been a long time. I have moved on and met my fiancé (29M). We recently found out that I am pregnant. Honestly, I didn't have much hope since all my pregnancies had been a failure. My fiancé has been supportive of me. I feel like I am finally happy.
So, few days ago I went to my high school reunion. My ex approached me. He was kind of shocked to see me visibly pregnant (all my pregnancies didn't last for more than 2 months). He asked me how far along? I told him I am 6 months pregnant. He just said congratulations and went away.
Later I got a call from my mom asking why I haven't told my ex about my pregnancy? He was sad. I told her there is no reason for him to know that. She argued that besides being husband and wife we were friends, too. I should have let him know.
I don't know. My sister also thinks I probably should have told him since we were so close knit. He should have known anyway because my mom still talks to my ex's mom.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
No_Conversation7980
First off congratulations, I’m happy you are able to have a nice healthy pregnancy. Also sounds like you mom/family has some weird boundaries. If your not comfortable with EX knowing this information that’s your business. Why should he know… he didn’t even have enough respect for you to not cheat & also get his AP pregnant while you struggled with miscarriages.
He doesn’t DESERVE anything at all. Congratulations & continue with your life & soon to be husband & soon a new baby. Also before baby comes I would get boundaries clear when it comes to your mom & sister because if they think EX should know about pregnancy not telling what else they would allow when it comes to him.
The OP responded here:
Far_Beach_2138
Thanks, I didn't include everything, but my mom is secretly hoping that my ex and I would be together (like some hallmark movie). Maybe this is the reason why she is still passive aggressive towards my fiancé and his son.
JuicyApple2023
You don’t owe your ex anything! Do not let anyone guilt you! Go with your gut. Congratulations on moving on. Your ex sounds narcissistic and egotistical. Rock on and peace out💕
Ocean-Therapy
Not wrong. WTH. He was a lousy friend and a worse husband. You are divorced. Why on earth would you think you should have told him? You are in a new relationship, are happy and having a baby. None of his business. And Congratulations!!!
Shiel009
Friends? That weasel dumped you as fast as he could. At your worst time. He had no sympathy for you whatsoever. My husband and I had fertility problems, went through years of trying. I get it.
Unfortunately we never did have children but neither one of us ran out on the other person. It makes or breaks the relationship but dear lord he didn’t stick around long. And WTH with your mom and sister defending him after what he did.
The OP returned 3 days later with an update.
"(UPDATE)-Am I wrong for not telling my ex about my pregnancy?"
Far_Beach_2138
I am writing this update because my ex called me from his cousin's phone. Maybe my mother gave him my phone number. He requested to see me. I refused. I don't want to interact with him in any way. He insisted again that this was the last time. He simply wants to apologize and feels that I deserve more than a simple text apology.
I finally consented, with one stipulation. That is, he had to agree that I could bring my fiancé. He basically just apologized profusely for hurting me. He expressed that he was angry when we were trying and failing and he secretly blamed me for the miscarriages. He started to feel resentment towards me for not giving him a child. He said that hate he had towards me made him cheat.
He knows this is not an excuse. He knows it was him who f*%$#d up majorly. He always felt guilty and ashamed for how he treated me. When his son was born his head was clear for the first time. He said he started to realize the problem was him and not me. His now wife almost miscarried and luckily the child survived but still there were many health complications.
After that, he and his wife tried but they failed. In these 4 years they had 6 miscarriages. He feels like it was him. He has gotten a vasectomy because he was just frustrated. He almost repeated the same pattern of cheating, but this time he went to therapy. He also said seeing me pregnant at the reunion made him realize the life we could have had if he wasn't such a jerk.
He was angry and sad seeing me because he always thought we were soulmates. But he f**&^d up. I didn't say much but wished him well. We were not perfect for each other and I am glad he got what he wanted and I got what I wanted. Maybe we are better off apart than we were together.
He congratulated me for the last time before leaving. Also, after that, I strictly told my mom to stop contacting him. It is weird that she is still trying for us to be together. I never stopped her from being friends with my ex's mom but she should stop bringing her up whenever me or my husband or my step-son are around. She will be on an information diet.
On another sad, complicated note, my sister is dating my ex's brother. Looks like I have to go low contact for a while. My fiancé and I are eloping because, knowing my mom, she will try to invite my ex and his family, too. I don't want that kind of drama in my life.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
Rosemarie414
You were so kind to let ex get all that off his chest. Hopefully he continues therapy and moves on so his family life can be happy. You were not obligated to do it but girl you went over and above what most would do for an ex. All that is in the past where you have left it. Now he and your Mother need to leave it there too.
So happy for you and your Fiancé. May you have many years of happiness together ❤️ congratulations on the upcoming marriage and baby.
Ok-Scientist5524
They always blame the woman for miscarriages when it takes two sets of genes to make a baby.
Savethedance
I can't help but wonder if his son is actually his ....or if the health complications he has is due to some genetic disorder that keeps causing these miscarriages🤔 either way it seems like he is married to a women he clearly doesn't really love.
He thinks your still his soulmate and doesn't exactly have the family he dreamed about! So it seems karma is doing its thing and you have definitely won OP😊 sorry about your family though, they suck!
whatfieryhellisthis0
OP’s ex screwed up big time by cheating, but I love seeing the growth since they have separated.
perfectlynormaltyes
Something isn't adding up here. OP's mom is besties with her ex's mom yet she never told her that OP was preggo? I find that VERY hard to believe. Especially when it seems that her mom is constantly sharing info about her.
OP's mom has very loose boundaries and someone like that, whose daughter has had 4 miscarriages, would be shouting from the rooftops that that same daughter is now 6 months pregnant or at least telling her longtime friend.
Livid_Test_8575
Why are we not focusing on her mother still being in touch with someone who intentionally was cruel and hurt her daughter?