Man starts locking girlfriend in his house at night 'for her own good.' AITA?
"AITAH for 'locking' my gf inside for her own good"
(22M) So my gf (21F) has a bit of wanderlust. I’m almost positive she has some form of ADHD because she is incredibly forgetful and at times careless.
She’ll do things like leave her purses, books, phone, and at times keys in the car. Boil an egg on the stove and only remember once the water has completely evaporated and is burning, as well as other appliance related problems.
She always talks about how she’ll get around to getting diagnosed and medicated but never does. Apparently she’s been like this her whole life.
Anyway, we recently moved in together( a house that belonged to my grandmother but we both pay utilities/tax/bills) and it’s been great honestly except for these little problems.
The major point of contention rn is how she will at times leave through the back door, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT on “walks’, and be gone for hours. We have had disagreements about this multiple times in the past where I’ve told her that her walks are dangerous and make me uncomfortable.
She will leave at around 1 - 2 am to walk around our rural neighborhood for hours at a time, sometimes when her phone is on low battery. I have no idea why she does this. She’s told me that it’s “exercise” and she enjoys the solitude but it makes me uncomfortable af.
I worry about what could happen in the middle of the night with no one around, and she doesn’t appreciate me coming with her too much. Worse yet, she will leave the back door unlocked because she still hasn’t gotten her own set of house keys. So it is up to me to readmit my wayward gf every few nights.
I’ve decide to draw my line. I’ve refused to unlock the back door and had it locked from both ends so she’s forced to use the front door for her trips. Not even she would dare leave the front door unlocked to go gallivanting into the night, so I’m good on that end.
The only thing is that she got incredibly frustrated at me and called me a controlling AH and hasn’t been talking to me. I don’t think I am when she refuses to behave like a literal sensible adult.
So yeah AITAH? I find it ridiculous cause she could simply go out to get her own pair of keys to thwart me, but she’s the type that can’t have too many errands on her mind. She will have a list of five and then feel overwhelmed and tapped out after completing one. I love her but she is insane.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA - you're not locking her in. She can get in and out perfectly fine, just not through the door she'd prefer. Besides, she like exercise so walking a few extra steps to use the front door shouldn't be a problem.
She doesn’t have a key to the house yet. She can’t just leave through the front door without leaving it unlocked while she’s out. Instead of getting her a copy of a key made (takes like 10 minutes and $5) he locked both sides of a door she doesn’t own a key to.
He isn’t preventing her from getting a copy of the key though. There is a level of weaponized incompetence here (choosing not to get diagnosis and help while allowing/ expecting the other people in your life to pick up after your nonsense makes this intentional) that is off the charts.
I used to go for late night walks in my early twenties, around the city centre that I lived in. I would go out at midnight, 1am, 2am. Have a lovely long nighttime walk, felt at peace with the world, and loves the solitude.
I did, however, always bring a fully charged phone from which I could easily call for help. Plus I locked my flat like a normal person. I also had an app where my family could see my location (though they lived in a different city and I didn't tell them about my nighttime strolls).
Oh, and I also have ADHD. Just sharing cos she could actually just be enjoying a nighttime stroll.
NTA. Her doing that is a safety hazard not just for herself but her home.
And, she can still go through the front door so OP has not locked her in. If she so chooses not to go through the front door then that’s on her. I don’t think him locking it is something that should happen. But, these aren’t normal circumstances and OP does state she is extremely forgetful.
I can’t imagine why she does this, and I do think a conversation about what causes this is necessary. It’s probably better for her to speak to a therapist if willing. And, I can understand people just have their quirks but this is oddly specific of an action to do consistently.