When this man is torn about his cousin's wedding, he asks Reddit:
FOR CONTEXT : I am a 20 year old male who often wears makeup , and has a more feminine style .
The wedding is this weekend , and I've been told to "not do too much" . Really , I'm being told to present myself as more masculine . No makeup , and a typical suit and tie ... I haven't put that sort of attire on since being forced to in high school .
Yesterday when asked what I was wearing , I was told I need to "pick something that isn't going to frustrate my cousin" which made me feel like I'm not being invited to come as my authentic self . My response was "If I have to water myself down , then I don't know if I'm comfortable going at all" and that's the truth .
I was then told "That's perfectly fine but we'll be sure to tell everybody you couldn't dress appropriately for ONE day for somebody else" . I walked away from the conversation very hurt that there is no support for me in my family , and now I feel as though not going is the only answer.
I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed or out of place for not wanting to come as somebody that I am not . If all the women are going to be fully glammed , and wearing stunning gowns then I should be able to wear an off the shoulder top with dress pants and be just fine . I guess they don't see it that way.
SO , WIBTA for not going to the wedding because I don't want to mask who I am ?
I think this is a bit NAH. An invitation is not a summons to appear or else face legal and financial consequences, so you don't have to attend for any kind of reason.
But given that you were asked to tone it down, sounds like no one explicitly said no to your plan of a fun top and trousers, I think there is a possibility you were on the defensive.
Events have dress codes and as long as you can express your identity within the context of that dress code, all should be groovy. It would have been very easy to have messaged your cousin and said "this is my plan, are you uncomfortable with this"
NTA. sorry I understand how that is hurtful to hear. If I loved my cousin I would want to see them married and if I had to tone it down for one day, is that the worst thing in the world?
If it were me I'd do it for my cousin. Isn't the day about them? they are so stressed out with all of the preparations, id take the L and just tone it down , no big deal.
They told you to tone it down because it's not your day. Apparently you can't so stay home. YTA.