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Man refuses to share hotel room with SIL instead of wife on Vegas girls trip. AITA?

Man refuses to share hotel room with SIL instead of wife on Vegas girls trip. AITA?


"AITA for not agreeing to share a hotel room in Vegas with my sister-in-law?"

My wife (38F) and I (38M) are your average busy parents with stressful jobs and stressful kids. Dena has two best friends, Shana and Samantha who live in different states.

Last month Shana asked my wife if she wanted to run a half marathon in Vegas. When Dena brought up going to Vegas I said half-jokingly that I had never been to Vegas and she can't go twice before I had gone once. She asked if I meant it. I said yes. So she was like ok I guess we can work it out. Samantha and Dena's sister ended up going too.

I later backed out not wanting to be third wheel to a girl's trip. A few days after I backed out my wife found out Samantha's husband Jim is going and asked if I still want to go. I excitedly agreed.

A week later my wife asks me "Hey you're ok with sharing a room with my sister right?" I said "No I'm not ok with sharing a room. Why would we share a room?" She explained that we would share a room with her sister to help save her and us some money.

Apparently Shana was going to share a room with Samantha and Jim. I said "Every single person going on this trip makes six figures other than your sister. Why would we share a room to save money?

Why doesn't Shana share a room with your sister? Why would we give up our privacy to save money?" My wife was not having it and we faught over it but didn't resolve anything.

The more I thought about it the more it upset me. We don't go on enough dates. We've never been away from our kids for more than one night. Why would she feel ok with removing any chance at intimacy during a 4 day trip away from the kids?

A week later I asked her thoughts on our Vegas trip. She explained that we wouldn't be spending any time in our room together anyway. Her last girls trip they never spent any time in their rooms.

They only used their rooms to crash. This is a girl's trip and Jim coming along meant I would have someone for me but it didn't change that this was a girl's trip. I argued that having our own room and privacy doesn't change the trip at all.

Not sharing a room wouldn't change the dynamics of the trip but it would at least create the opportunity for there to be intimacy between us and that that was important to me. Again she wasn't having any of it.

During the argument my wife admitted that she had agreed to share a room before she had even asked me. She said someone had suggested it in their text thread and she replied "I don't care".

We didn't talk for a couple days after that fight. When we warmed back up to each other she told me that she had told the group we wouldn't be sharing a room any longer.

She thinks I am the AH because I forced my will on her. I think she is the AH because she agreed to share a room without consulting me, tried to sell me on why that was ok, and ignored the importance of intimacy in our relationship. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

funwallaby writes:

ESH. Your wife does not want you on this trip. This is a girls trip. You were invited because you made her feel bad about going to a place you've never been to without you.

Obviously you wouldn't want to share with your sister-in-law, but your wife is also making it clear that this isn't a romantic trip for the two of you. Just let her have her girls trip and plan something else for just the two of you, which you will both actually enjoy more.

indiscreev writes:

I'm gonna go with YTA. What you appear to forget here is that this trip isn't a couple trip, or a personal date. It is a girl's trip that you pretty much shoved yourself into because, I quote, "she can't go twice (to Vegas) before I had gone once".

For that alone, you were arguably already an asshole as it is just rude to insert yourself into this situation (even half-jokingly), when this trip was meant for Shana and your wife.

Your wife worked it out to include you. Then, you went ahead and backed out because.. surprise surprise, only girls were coming to a girl's trip. But yet again, your wife made a gesture to include you by telling you about how Samantha's husband would actually be coming with them, even though she could've not said anything as you had backed out already from the trip.

Not much of an asshole move if you ask me. And now, you are whining like a baby because, for the sake of saving money, some sleeping arrangements were made?

Sleeping arrangements that, by the way, not only affects you, as Shana/Jim/Samantha are also forced to share a room (even though Samantha and Jim are too a couple and most certainly also would wish for privacy).

Why would Shana go pay for another room and share it with your wife's sister ? They aren't family and Shana is not entitled to spend money for her because YOU can't stand the idea of having to share a hotel room that you'll only spend 10 hours max in a day (or so) to sleep in.

If you want intimacy with your wife on a trip, plan one just for the two of you. This specific trip isn't made for the two of you to spend time exclusively together. Again, it's a girl's trip that you (and Jim) intruded KNOWINGLY.

leamish writes:

NTA. As someone who has lived in said city, and often stays at the resorts, I can tell you people do spend a fair amount of time in their rooms. For example, how long does it take your wife to get ready for a fun night out? How long does she sleep after that? How long before she wants to take a shower? How long before she wants to get all dolled up again?

Oh, and drink LOTS OF WATER. You have NO IDEA how dry it is out here, and it will suck the fun energy right out of you.

beachinlife writes:

YTA. It's a girls trip, not a honeymoon. You have literally ONE thing on your mind for this trip, and that is annoying to your wife. Heck, you are annoying ME.

They are going to have fun and to run a half marathon, and you are going to get laid. You and Jim being there are already going to change the dynamic of what used to be a girls trip, and your behavior is exactly why. They just want to go have fun, and if you can't go with a mind to just having fun, you need to stay home.

If you want a "romantic" trip then you need to plan one and take your wife somewhere without all the other people.

nikobunny writes:

NTA. Your feelings are very valid and don’t let any person tell you otherwise. I think if you do decide to go, you should just get your own room. That way you can do your own thing and your wife can meet up with you if you choose. I think you should go ahead and plan a guys trip.

You also deserve time away. Then you and your wife can plan a couples trip. If you make over 6 figures you should be capable of this. Take her actions with a grain salt and take control of your life. Do not invite yourself on any other trips. Clearly your wife sucks a little bit and for that I’m sorry.

Looks like the jury's out on this one. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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