When this man is concerned about his wife's role in his finances, he asks Reddit:
I’ve recently gotten married, but I have been encountering some friction with my partner in terms of whether or not I can ask for her to not involve herself in certain situations.
We had a big fight and this is the sequence of events: I have a trip coming up to visit her parents. I say that I will book the trip myself. She says she will look as well. I ask her to leave that planning to me.
She wakes me up at 3AM, prior to my workday, to share flight deals she has found. I react negatively because I need to sleep to make it into the office on time. Also, I feel that I have already stated that I would like to take care of the situation myself. She says I bit her head off when she was just trying to help.
In the morning she says she shared an email with me with the deal involving her credit that she has accrued. She wants me to read the email offer in its entirety to show me that doing it her way is financially advantageous for me and that i am not seeing that she is doing this out of the goodness of her heart.
The next day, we are both frustrated, because I feel my request has been repeatedly ignored. She tells me that she is mad because her method has a time limit and now that I haven’t read the email as requested the day prior, I wont be able to take advantage of said deal.
I explode because I have been repeating myself from step 1, to please respect my ask of letting me figure it out myself. She says that I am gaslighting her and not appreciating the gesture she’s made for me.
Now we are experiencing bad vibes and she’s said I don’t need to come anymore yadayada. I told her that she is not using the “gaslight” correctly. AITA?
ESH. She shouldn't wake you up in the middle of night. You reject her help, but also her opinions and preferences. She wants to be a part of planning this trip and she has the right to make decision with you. Your "I want to do it myself" attitude seems controlling.
Are you this controlling in all aspects of your relationship? YTA.
NTA. It looks like this happened over the course of 2 days. As a person who was asked to book flights for someone else, I appreciate that you want to do it yourself.
She looks like she's just wanting to be helpful and save you money but she's pushing so hard that it feels like, if you did, it would come up later that she had to help you. I'm very willing to admit that I may be projecting but her reaction gives me a bad vibe.