Man asks if he's wrong to reject the 'creepy' neighbor his wife likes. UPDATED 3X.
"AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be opening the door for her creepy friend?"
15fugio
My (M41) wife, Becky (F39), is planning on traveling abroad to visit her sister and her family in the next few days. She'll be gone for the next 2 and a half weeks. Over the past year, my wife has become very good friends with our neighbour, Emily (F37), who lives a few houses down.
Long story short, Emily makes me feel uncomfortable, and I think she's trying to make a move on me. At first, I thought she was joking, and I didn't think much of her behavior, but now it only makes me feel uncomfortable.
Earlier today, Becky told me that she chatted with Emily and mentioned how she'd be going overseas for a few weeks. She said that Emily offered to come by and drop off some food for us (myself and our eleven-year-old daughter, Alice) from time to time.
Becky was reluctant to agree, but after Emily insisted, she finally agreed. I was surprised that she'd agree to this without consulting me first, so I told her that it made me uncomfortable.
Becky said that 'Emily means well' and it would be rude if we were to refuse now. I said okay, but that she shouldn't be surprised if Alice and I 'forget' to open the door every time Emily comes knocking.
Becky said that I was being a jerk to someone offering us kindness. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:
WheelPurple835
Becky is blessedly naive. Trust your instincts. Never open that door. NTA.
CuriousTsukihime
NTA - flip the script and ask your wife if she’d be okay with you telling your best mate he can stop by, even if you knew he was interested and made her uncomfortable. Ask her if she would be okay with the guilt if you turned out to be right?
Good partners don’t allow their SOs to feel out of place in their own home. Don’t negotiate, tell her Emily isn’t to check on you, you’re a grown man and a capable husband. End of discussion.
ProfPlumDidIt
NTA. It doesn't matter WHY she makes you uncomfortable; the fact is that she DOES make you uncomfortable and your wife seems to care more about being rude than about you feeling 'safe' in your own home.
DrDre3001
I mean, it’d be rude and unneighborly to not exchange some bratwurst and pie. Jokes aside, NTA. Your neighbor for potentially trying to homewreck and your wife for disregarding your thoughts are TA. But it’ll make for very awkward moments if you don’t answer and she knows your home.
OP clarified:
It's really her general behavior. For example, she'll say things that seem on the surface to be 'normal' but the way she says it makes it come across as inappropriate.
ManufacturerNo6126 suggested:
Get a Ring Doorbell and record all conversations. Trust your gut Feeling
As the comments rolled in, OP posted this update on the original post:
UDPATE:
Early this morning, I spoke to Becky about my concerns regarding Emily's behavior. She said that Emily doesn't have any ulterior motives and only means well.
She also brought up how Emily has her own husband and always tells Becky how great he is. For some more context, Emily is married, but her husband isn't home too much as he works in the military.
When I asked if she could tell Emily that we don't need food deliveries, she said it would be awkward to mention it right before her trip and how it would only be once or twice a week.
Another thing Becky mentioned that has only increased my uneasiness is that Emily had given her a spare house key 'just in case of emergencies or anything like that.'
For those wondering, my wife is leaving a few hours past midnight tonight. Context - For clarification regarding the key. Emily gave my wife her own house key, but doesn't have the key to our home.
Some more context: For those wondering what Emily does, I can tell you that she does a lot of unnecessary physical contact, like hugging me whenever she sees me, which didn’t bother me the first few times but increasingly makes me feel uneasy.
Not only that, but she has made very suggestive comments in the past. I would also add that the way she dresses and her body language when she comes to our house seems to be a bit flirtatious.
A week later, the OP returned with an update for readers following the story.
'UPDATE - AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be opening the door for her creepy friend?'
I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post; I really appreciated your insights and support. I’ve taken the advice suggested multiple times in the comments and have installed a doorbell camera the day after my wife had left home.
Fortunately, nothing had really happened so far, so I didn't really see much of a need for an update until recently. Without further ado, here is the update.
For the past few days, things have been pretty quiet. I’ve been enjoying spending quality time with my daughter, Alice. She attends a summer day camp during my working hours, but we’ve been spending every evening (and the past weekend) together watching movies, going on walks, playing video games, etc.
My wife, Becky, had planned on teaching Alice how to cook this summer, but since that is yet to occur, I’ve taken the opportunity. I think Alice is a natural; she picks up instructions quickly, and we’ve been having a lot of fun.
The day before yesterday, our neighbor, Emily, came to drop off some food as she had told Becky she would. I did open the door as I decided to just accept once (to be polite), but I let her know that she didn’t need to worry herself with any other deliveries as my daughter and I would be cooking.
She was acting normally, until the very end where she said something along the lines of “If there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know.” She said it in a very flirtatious tone. I thanked her and told her that I appreciated the gesture but reiterated that we would be able to manage on our own.
She then said, “Well, if you ever crave anything else, just let me know. Just think of it as a substitute for Becky.” This made me feel a little a bit uncomfortable, mainly because of the tone she said it in.
The next morning (yesterday), Alice and I were rushing to get to camp and work. Emily popped out from nowhere and started telling me how her driveway was being resurfaced, and she needed somewhere to put her car for the next few days.
She asked if she could place it on our driveway, and I agreed (as Alice and I were in a rush, and because she dropped off food the previous night). As I was driving away, I was mentally kicking myself, as now she’d have a reason to hang around our house.
Later that day, I was home doing some chores in our garage when Emily pulled up in her car, mentioning again how her driveway was being resurfaced. I could see that it was indeed the case.
We had a bit of small talk, but at some point, she went into a tirade about her husband. She shared how she sometimes felt unappreciated by him sometimes and how they don’t get to spend time together. I didn’t say too much during this; only that I felt sorry she felt that way.
I glanced at my phone and then pretended that Alice was texting me to come pick her up (it was close enough to her time anyway). I said goodbye and locked up my house. Yesterday evening was largely uneventful, and I’m looking forward to spending some more time with my kid.
Here were the top reactions to the second post.
Mrschia
Yikes! Good thing you installed that doorbell camera. Was it able to record what Emily said to you? What gross behavior from Emily. “I’m unhappy in my marriage so let me try and squeeze my way into someone else’s.”
OP responded:
The audio quality isn't perfect, but thankfully it did record what she said. I feel that she's just trying to make me sympathize with her. Whenever he's here, her husband seems like a nice enough guy. That being said, I guess I don't know what happens behind closed doors.
AdBroad:
Smart man! And I am willing to bet the slight passes get more and more aggressive the more you ignore or dismiss them.
OP:
Thanks, I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. Her car is still on our driveway, however. I guess I'll just have to wait and see whatever she tries next
Ynwestrope
Blech, I hope you show your wife the footage of her making a pass at you!
OP:
Absolutely, I plan on showing it to her once she's back from her trip
TheNoble117
First things first. Until your wife comes back when ever you leave your house or answer the door you need to set your phone to record. Collect as much evidence of her very obvious advances and flirting.
Do not wait to show your wife the ring cam video send it right away and make sure you mention that “this is the exact type of behavior that makes me uncomfortable around her.” Documentation will keep you safe.
Likecommentsurvive
Oh boy, she sounds like trouble. Keep having these convos around your camera. If she decides to escalate anything and get physical and you deny her, she could change her story around and tell people that YOU came onto HER just to save face for herself. I’m sorry this is happening to you, friend.
After another week, OP returned with a slight update:
I wanted to give a quick update on what’s been happening since my last post. Becky will be back in a few days (Friday night), and I didn’t want to disrupt her trip or make her worry, so I’ve spared her most of the Emily details until she arrives.
From speaking with Becky, however, I have learned that her sister does not like Emily at all. Becky told me that she was pretty upset about the arrangement and that she thinks Becky is overly trusting.
Aside from that, things have been largely quiet this week. Emily’s driveway has been completed, so she has taken her car back. I haven’t seen much of her since then.
He had plenty of supporters in the comments.
LeviOsa
OP, I think both you and Becky's sister should have a conversation together with Becky about her being too trusting/naive, like an intervention.
OP:
I think/hope the video will be enough, I would be very surprised if she still felt the same way. Though if she does, it will definitely be intervention time.
Cautious-Block-1671
I really do hope that your wife will finally see the true 'goal' of Emilie. I'm really sad for you to be un this situation. She really doesn't pick up your cues to f*ck off.
OP:
I think she will once she sees the video and considering it happened while she was out of the country, I think she'll be especially upset
This is what happened in the final update — after OP's wife finally returns. Drama.
Hey everyone, it's been a pretty wild 24 hours. I'll give a quick recap of what's been happening.
Since Becky was coming home last night, Alice and I spent most of the day tidying up. In the late afternoon, I decided to mow our lawn as it was about time to do so. In the past, I have occasionally mowed Emily's lawn, shovelled her driveway, etc.
I do this because her husband has done this for us before, so I’ve always thought that this was just paying them back (Becky has also asked me to do this a few times in the past).
However, because of what’s been going on, I figured it would not be a good idea and I purposely mowed our lawn when her car was away so that I could return to my house discreetly.
After putting away our mower, I saw Emily's car pull into her driveway. Just as I was about to go inside, she called out to me. She asked when Becky would be back. I told her that Becky's flight was scheduled to arrive tonight, and she seemed happy about that.
It was a humid day, and I was sweating a bit. She mentioned that I looked hot (may not have meant it that way, but with her, I never know) and suggested that Alice and I should drop by for drinks. I thanked her for the offer but explained that I couldn't, and the conversation mostly ended there.
Becky arrived home last night (a few hours after midnight) and was very exhausted from her flight. After I brought her some food, we were only able to talk a bit about her trip before she went to bed.
I planned on discussing Emily and showing her the video the next day once she had rested, but she was still asleep in the morning, and I had to run errands.
This is where things got complicated. After finishing my errands, I went home to spend time with Becky (and tell her about the video). When I got home, Alice had already gone out with her friends, so it was just Becky and me.
Becky seemed upset, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me that after waking up, she received a text from Emily welcoming her back and inviting her over. Becky agreed and went to Emily's house.
She noticed that Emily's living room was messier than usual, but what bothered her more was a pair of men's exercise shorts on the sofa. They looked identical to a pair I had. I say 'had' because those shorts went missing about a month ago. There was also what Becky thought was a condom wrapper on the floor next to it.
During their conversation, Emily talked a lot about how kind I've been to her and how much we talked while Becky was away. Emily even suggested that Becky should have extended her stay at her sister's so she could continue looking after Alice and me.
At that point, Becky excused herself and went home, she mentioned that she felt overwhelmed and almost sick. She told me that she came home panicking about what Emily might have meant, so she spoke with her sister.
Her sister called BS on Emily's claims, as everything seemed too conveniently placed, which calmed Becky down a bit.
After sharing all this with me, she asked about my contact with Emily during her absence. I told her about the food, the car, and the conversation from the previous day. Then I showed her the video. Becky was stunned and said that Emily was blatantly trying to flirt with me.
After watching it, she said she felt sick about all her interactions with her. The main issue still bothering us is the shorts. I had an identical pair that went missing. We're unsure if the shorts Becky saw are mine or if Emily bought the same pair for her little stunt.
As I mentioned before, Emily has been to our house, so it's not impossible for her to have taken them. However, we lack proof of this. Considering how Emily gave my wife her own house key before she left, it all seems very well thought out. Also, we’re increasingly starting to suspect that her husband may be ok with what she’s been doing. Becky plans to return the key in the next few days.
Here were the reactions to the latest update.
Accordingtowho2021
I might be going overboard here but if all you have is a ring doorbell camera, I would add more. Your neighbor seems so unhinged. You just never know how far unhinged people will go. This is really scary. Your wife needs to step away from her. I'm actually afraid of your wife's safety.
Let's say those shorts are yours, this means she had the balls to come to your home and go through your personal stuff to get it.
In her mind she had to be thinking something wild like, 'oh it smells like him' or 'this will be perfect for when I set him up'. Then she had the craziness to set up her home, condoms and all, to make it seem like you two were messing around.
She wants your wife out of the picture. Tell your wife she should NEVER go to her home again, especially alone. Super scary.
OP:
Yes, at this point I am most concerned for my wife and daughter. I'm pretty doubtful that Emily will try anything drastic, and think she'll continue her current strategy and just hope for different results.
My wife has also made it clear that she doesn't want to go back to her house.
Pristine-Payment
Why do you think the husband agrees with that whole situation?
OP:
We don't have concrete evidence for this and are currently only assuming. Our thoughts are based on a conversation that I heard him having in the past.
The first was during a neighbourhood barbecue about 5 months ago, where I did overhear him making a pretty graphic description of Emily to another one of our neighbours. When neighbour started making suggestive comments, he didn't seem to mind at all.
To me (and my wife) at least, it did not seem like an appropriate way to talk about one's spouse to a stranger
Redpool6
I find the shorts thing really weird.... she's making it look like you went over there with shorts on and left in your underwear? Even if you were having an affair there's no reason for you to take extra clothes to her house.
OP:
My wife and I came to this same realization to and laughed about it just visualizing how ridiculous that would look. It did break some of the tension.
For all of Emily's scheming, it was a pretty funny oversight.
Purplefaerie1981
I would have a think about anything else you’ve had go missing, ask your wife if she’s noticed anything else of yours that’s disappeared. Your neighbour is seriously disturbed and unfortunately fixated on you.
She’ll probably keep trying to manufacture more fantasy scenarios with other items.
Also, ditto on more cameras, indoor and outdoor, I also highly recommend a German shepherd, mines a big boof but she’s hugely protective and there’s no way she’d let anyone other than family into my house (she’s an indoor dog…you’ll also need a good vacuum cleaner lol). Good luck OP
OP:
Thanks for the advice! So far nothing else seems to be missing, but as we go on with our daily lives maybe will notice something missing. We currently have a cat, and I'll gauge my wife's opinion on getting a dog. If my daughter heard, I'm sure she'd love the idea.
Jo0306
I think your wife needs to stop all contact. Seems like she's out to cause trouble for you both. Make sure you and your wife keep communicating, any interaction you have needs to be discussed so there's no miscommunication. Your neighbour sounds like a fruit loop!
OP:
Yeah, she definitely doesn't seem to be in her right mind. We'll be exercising extra caution from here on out
TheLastWord63
Her husband might not know about it. She seems like she's trying to replace your wife and take over her life.
OP:
I'm also starting to think the same thing, and do find it more disturbing than if she was just after me.