Man resents wife's weight gain. Says, 'I just want her to function.' AITA?
When this husband feels guilty about his reaction to his wife's body, he asks Reddit:
'Am I wrong for resenting my wife's weight gain?'
Me and wife weren't althetes or anything when we met. We were both average and at a healthy weight. We both gained some weight overtime. I eventually started trying to take care of myself.
I got back to my high school weight and am fit now. I lift weights, etc.. My wife went the opposite way and just kept gaining and gaining weight. Multiple things are contributing to my resentment.
1.) She's to the point where she can't manage the be out and about throughout the day for long. She's maybe good to be up and about for half an hour before she can't continue. A good example is our upcoming vacation. She's not gonna be able to walk and explore all day.
She ended up having to reserve a mobility scooter. This isn't due to any medical condition beyond her body being unable to handle her weight. I feel bad saying it. But, I've honestly started to feel embarrassed when we're together in public.
2.) Our s&x life is incredibly limited now. She can't be on top. It's incredibly frustrating because it doesn't feel like us bonding anymore. It feels dull and clinical almost. Her appearance is a turn off.
3.) She puts absolutely no effort into herself. I've tried countless times to encourage her to start trying to eat healthy. I've cooked everything for her, etc.. she's never made it over two days before she started ordering delivery. I can't even get her to even keep notes about what she ate without changing everything.
Overall, I'm just not happy. This isn't the life I wanted. I want to be able to go out and see things without having to worry if she'll make it(she won't most of the time). Most importantly.
I just want a wife who'll put a little effort into herself so she'll live long enough to see her grandkids. I don't even want her be skinny, etc. I want her to be able to function in a normal life.. Am I wrong?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
hellbound33 writes:
Could she be depressed? I've met quite a few people that when depressed they don't care about their health. Even the points in life that should be a wake-up call does not change them.
See where she is mentally. Who knows, maybe she is also unhappy with her weight gain but feels like it's impossible to lose it and has given up. See if she is willing to get professional help.
ladypillowempress shares their own personal story:
To be extremely big and not valuing your health is usually the result of mental health issues. It’s not necessarily depression, but there is something. I was never depressed but I gained a lot of weight in 4 years and it was because of my OCD.
Suddenly my kitchen wasn’t clean enough to cook in even if I cleaned it a lot and I wouldn’t eat foods that weren’t boiled or deep fried by fear of contagion. This means that for 4 years all the veggies I had were deep fried.
I went to a psychiatrist and a therapist who helped me and I lost 100lbs with their help. I started eating at home again, controlling my diet, I started eating steamed veggies, slowly reintroduced fruits in my diet. I still have problems with fruits you eat the skin with like apples but bananas and oranges I’m 100% ok with now.
She needs help beyond herself and if she refuses, you have all the rights to be frustrated and to want to part ways. I grew up on a farm and the saying “bringing a horse to water but you can’t force the horse to drink”.
Well sometimes if you leave the horse alone at the pond, it will eventually drink on its own but it will be absolutely stubborn while you are there watching.
hikertom writes:
NTA. Fat shaming is wrong and always will be, but there is nothing wrong about not being attracted to a fat person, regardless of who they are to you. She has given up. I would reccomend, before jumping to divorce, that you seek couples counseling. If she can't do that, then it'll be time to get a lawyer and get a divorce.