Man discovers wife 'sabotaged' relationship with ex so she could be with him. AITA?
When this man is concerned that his wife might be...insane, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for getting mad at my wife after discovering that she had sabotaged a former relationship of mine so she could be with me?"
I am 34M married to 31F, we have been married for 3 years and have dated for a year before that. We have a 2 year old and she is pregnant with our second. Everything about our lives is absolutely perfect. She is the love of my life, but I found out today something that is really messing with me.
My wife and I work together for the same large company. We were nothing but acquaintances for the longest time. She was just that pretty girl at work who seemed a bit stuck up. We hardly ever talked, I didnt even think she knew my name at all. We were on the same office dodgeball league for a summer, but that was it.
I had another girlfriend when I was 28, we met online. She was great, but 5 months into the relationship, a friend sent me screenshots of an online dating profile with her name and pictures. I confronted her and she vehemently denied it all. But the evidence was right there and I couldnt trust her anymore, so we broke up.
Just a few months later, I started dating my wife after we had matched online. We had never even had a full conversation before matching with each other online, but suddenly there was this spark and the rest was history. We moved pretty fast, we both wanted to settle down, have a family. She’s a wonderful mother to our kids and the love of my life.
But recently I found out that she had sabotaged my relationship with my ex all those years ago by following my private Instagram with a fake account, saw photos of me and my ex, stalked her account, and took pictures from her private instagram to upload to a dating app. And the rest was history.
How I found out was after she got a new iphone for her bday and she gave her old phone to me to erase and sell online. One of her burner IG accounts was the exact same profile that had followed me right around the time of my breakup. She is still following me and my ex with that account. She probably forgot to unfollow.
It was really freaking weird and I confronted her. She confessed to everything but kind of blew it off, like “Oh well I had such a big crush on you, I did what I had to do. And it worked out, didnt it?”
I admit, the way she blew it off was so strange to me. I told her I dont know who she is anymore. She got upset at me and said “So you value a 5 month relationship over your wife?” and said that we were “meant to be.” I got really upset and called her crazy, which led to her crying in our room and refusing to come out.
I dont know what to think. My friend is telling me to just let it go, that if anything its a cute story to tell the grandkids one day.
But it just creeps me out how she had always given me the cold shoulder before we started dating but all that time she was obsessed with me to the point of sabotaging my relationship. Shes never done anything else dishonest or sneaky to my knowledge so this is just wildly out of character for her.
Idk how to word it. I guess its nothing, maybe my friend is right. What do you guys think? Was I too hard on her? Should I just let it go?
Let's see what readers thought.
goodad76 writes:
NTA. You have a right to feel betrayed. Cheating has lasting effects on a person’s mental health. Even if you love your partner now, knowing that she is capable of this level of deception is scary. How would she feel if the roles were reversed? Imagine someone else approached you with her stolen pictures and said she was cheating on you.
Would she appreciate it? On top of that she seems to lack accountability. Instead of apologizing and trying to earn your trust back or offering to apologize to your ex as a way to make amends she is trying to justify her actions.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are at an impasse, she won’t apologize because in her mind she didn’t do anything wrong and it worked out in the end, and you want an apology because you believe you are owed it. You are not asking for advice but if you want to overcome this in healthy manner and continue your relationship you should look into couples therapy.
none87 writes:
NTA, feel sorry for u dude, u really married a psycho, its not a "cute" story that everyone manipulating u to think it to be and the worst part is she didn't feel sorry or she didn't confess it u, she got caught and she dgaf. So think about what else she had done in your relationship to make it seem "perfect " and she is the "one"
spyranexis writes:
NTA, what she did wasn't just stalking as if that wasn't bad enough already, but next level manipulation. This woman is dangerous, OP. Like, next Level dangerous. I don't know what exactly she is, sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or who knows.
But she is a covert extreme personality and not normal. She apparently knows to blend in really well and this is one of the only opportunities you'll get to catch a glimpse of her real face.
You probably won't leave her due to the kids (despite people's recommendations that you should absolutely leave her) and that's understandable, but be on the lookout.
This woman takes what she wants and sabotages people around her in a most sinister way. She has no Real empathy or at least not enough to be considered healthy.