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Man tells fiancé he is losing attraction to her. AITA?

Man tells fiancé he is losing attraction to her. AITA?


When this husband feels like he may have hurt his wife, he asks Reddit:

'Am I wrong for telling my fiancé I’m losing attraction to her ?'

My fiancé Beth and I have been together for 2 years. She is intelligent, motivated, kind, and wonderful. I love her dearly. As a person. But recently, I’ve lost attraction to her and I decided to be honest and tell her.

I am a very health orientated guy. I try my best to eat healthy and work out frequently. When I first met Beth, her body looked healthy. She wasn’t a gym rat or anything, but enjoyed walks and eating mostly healthy.

Over the past year or so, she’s gained 30 lbs. For reference, she is about 5”2 and in the high 160’s now for weight. She doesn’t eat healthy anymore. Doesn’t walk. Or seem like she cares about herself.

Obviously my first thought was depression. And I’ve talked to her about that, but she guaranteed me she feels better than ever mentally. Which I’m happy about.

I’m a very visual man. Over the past few months, her body has changed a lot. She’s very pale, and has developed dark purple stretch marks on her stomach and legs. Her stomach has gotten bigger, and she’s went up a bra size.

When she’s in stores, she’s sweating and her thighs are sweating she tells me. She never used to get that way before. She says that the store is too hot but it’s always been the same.

The other day, she was trying on a dress that she wore when we first met, and it didn’t fit at all. She was upset, and I felt bad. She asked me if she’s gained weight, or if I could notice it, and I told her that I could.

I said to her, “Beth I love you, but your weight is starting to become unhealthy, and I’m starting to lose attraction physically” she immediately walked away, came back a min later, and said “So what? People’s body’s change.

I am at a healthy weight and I just out on healthy weight” and has been acting cold and distant now. Am I wrong for what I said?

Let's see what internet users had to say.

clonez91 writes:

Soft YTA. Tacking on that you are losing attraction to her is a bit like kicking her while she’s down. I think it’s perfectly fine to say that you’ve noticed she has stopped being active and she’s becoming more self conscious about her body.

Start trying to get her to be active with you. If she is unwilling to make a change then you probably aren’t very compatible. For those saying that bodies change, yep they do. However, increasing your body mass by over 20% in the span of likely a year is not healthy.

groundbreakingtoe3 writes:

NTA. People change yes. She can change but certain things don’t change. Your perspective and what you want in a mate has not changed. You can initiate more active outings, go for daily walks together, bowling, swimming, biking, etc. See if she will like that. If you can not come to a conclusion, then you need to decide what to do when you get to that point in the road.

leeleez writes:

NTA. I've been through through this. My boyfriend gained probably 40 lbs in a few years, mostly in his gut. He went from a very physical job to a sedentary job, and it really packed on the pounds. I lost attraction to him, and it really put a strain on our relationship.

While the weight gain was part of it, it was his lack of motivation to get it under control or acknowledge that anything was wrong that was the major issue. I like a husky man, I don't need a fitness junkie or gym obsessed man, but I need someone who cares about their future and their health.

While he still has some extra weight, he has made more of an effort to eat healthy/less portions and be more active, and that is all I wanted to see, an effort. Even though he is carrying extra weight, he isn't running out of breath or anything, he's overall fairly healthy.

I will add a lot of women kill themselves to fit unrealistic beauty standards and once they let go of that and accept their bodies for what they are, they are much happier mentally, which sounds like what might be happening with her. You just have to decide if it's something you can deal with.

I struggled for years with this issue and decided I needed to let it go or move on. I decided to stay and work on the relationship, love him for all wonderful things about him that have nothing to do with his weight and we're in the best place we've been in a long time.

So, is OP TA here? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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