Man tells 'sexy saint' GF he's not ready to marry her; she 'destroyed my spark.' AITA?

"AITAH for telling my GF I’m not ready to marry her?"

My (30M) GF (30F) have been together for a year and a half. We live together in a house I bought alone. Honestly, she’s an amazing person. She’s extremely caring, thoughtful, sexy, always in “the mood”, etc. She’s a sexy saint.

However, we see life very very differently. With money for instance, I make more than double her income and because of this, I pay the vast majority of the bills, which I’m honestly fine with. She helps out with groceries and some bills, it works.

The problem is that, she has lots of disposable income and she treats it as such. She NEVER has money for the things she needs. Her car has problems, she needs to borrow money from me, she wants to go on vacation, she racks up massive credit card bills.

She generally owes me between $1k-$4k at any given time, and when she starts paying me back, she inevitably needs to borrow more at some point. She literally spends it all on useless c^%p; constantly replacing our dishes, for example.

She’s extremely difficult to communicate with and reacts very harshly to things that make no sense to me. For example, I was engaged before we got together (she knew this). I’ve had junk mail show up with my exes name and I got absolutely blasted from her.

She threatens to pack up and leave because of things like this, that I don’t think I have control over. And she will NOT explain why she’s so mad about it.

Lots of things like this have been building. Recently, the straw the broke the camels back and destroyed my “spark” for her happened. She talked about marriage, having kids, etc. I asked her why she wants to get married and she said “because she wants to throw a party.” This seems wildly inappropriate and a weak reason to make such a strong commitment.

So I told her I’m not ready to marry her because of the reasons above, and similar things that aren’t mentioned for length purposes. She lost her mind, cried, said she was going to pack up, said things are not salvageable, then changed her mind and wants to work it out. AITAH?

Info from OP:

I make $150k she makes $60. So I’m more than comfortable, but not “rich”. She said she would be fine with a prenup, but I still think the general advice here is correct and it’s sadly time.

This is the weirdest break up for me though. Most of my past relationships have ended prior to me making good money and it was because I felt like they were just rude selfish people. Maybe I’m blind, but I do not think she is. She’s incredibly thoughtful and nice to everyone around. Blah

Here's what people had to say to OP:

DragonRage86 writes:

I never understand why people bring these stupid stories here. If you don’t think they’re going to change, leave them. Go find somebody that matches the adult criteria you’re looking for in a partner, don’t just stay with somebody because you get to [deleted] them whenever you want

FrictionFire_ OP responded:

Honestly, it’s because my subconscious already knows the answer, but it’s difficult to pull the trigger because I do truly care for her, and it’s helpful to get many perspectives.

Thymelaeaceae says:

Why are so many posts like OP: I love my partner, they are the most amazing, kind, caring, wonderful person ever.

Also OP: They financially and emotionally abuse me constantly. They stomp my reasonable boundaries and punish me for complete non-issues or just being myself. They tend to out themselves as being irrationally jealous/controlling, selfish, unstable, and constitutionally unempathetic during any sort of hard discussion. There is no way to communicate with them at all when they are upset.

Yetikins writes:

I mean it's clear why lol. His intro about her is that she's hot and always [deleted]. Then he reveals the crazy. He's staying cause the [deleted] is wild. Unfortunately so are her spending habits.

BabyBillyCrowder writes:

He mentioned [deleted] 3 times in his first paragraph. It impairs your judgment more than alcohol. He won’t listen to anyone. I’m sure his family and friends are tired of his complaining so he came here for some sort of validation. He’ll end up divorced or single parent statistic in a few years. He’ll look back in 10 years as a bitter old man and wonder “why didn’t anyone warn me.”

Tealeanna says:

I'm sorry to say, I don't think she's as much of a saint as you think she is. Someone with logic and reasoning would be able to understand why someone who used to live in a house would still get mail there. Hell, I get still mail from people who lived in my house in the 60s and never met!

The fact that she flip flops emotionally all the time really leads me to believe she has a personality disorder. Bipolar, BPD,etc. I'm a huge mental health advocate, so this isn't me shaming or belittling her. But when you mix the emotional flip-flop, the inability to control reckless behavior (like excessive spending), seeing things in black and white.. it really does line up. She needs to see a doctor.

You should research into them and see if this is the type of person you can live with. And they absolutely can be good and wonderful people, but I'm not sure it's something she can 'outgrow.' It's simply something she can take accountability for and try to relearn coping techniques.

FrictionFire_ OP responded:

Thank you for this. The thing is, most of the time we have no issues and get along amazing. It’s just WHEN there’s a problem, it’s massive.

I think you may be right though, and honestly I’ve always suspected she might have some sort of personality disorder. Multiple people I’ve brought her around have made small mentions along the same lines.

MamaKat727 says:

So many 🚩🚩🚩s. Please do the decent thing & break up now, don't string her along. These are character flaws, doubtful she will change.

FrictionFire_ OP responded:

I know. It’s difficult. Despite the post, where I focused on her flaws. She is actually a great person. But I think the general advice here to end it is still correct. :/