Man threatens to end engagement over mother-in-law's hard past. AITA? UPDATE 2X.

AITAH for breaking up my engagement because what my fiancé said about my mom?

I (26F) am not from USA so I might have some grammatical errors. So, my dad left my mom and I when I was only 5 years old.

I also have a brother (21M). He left the country with his mistress and never tried to contact. We were really poor. My mom had to do some immoral stuff to get food on the table. She was a stripper and also sometimes pleased men to get money for us.

She put me and my brother through school. I understood why my mom did what she did because we had no money and she wanted us to have a life better than ours.

And I am not ashamed because of it. I also started working part time when I was 14. I was a good student so I got a scholarship to a good university. My mom eventually stopped stripping when my brother got a part time job too. She now only works as a waitress.

I met my fiancé, Javi (27M) in college. This was my first serious relationship. We both loved each other. I never told Javi about my mom's past because my mom made me promise to never say that to anyone.

I kept that but it felt so wrong to keep this huge information away from my fiance. Javi knew about us. He only knew that my family was extremely poor. He doesn't care about that. He is a very sweet guy who always takes care of me.

He even covered some of the cost of my brother's education as well even though I told him not to. My mom also likes him, that's why she told me not to tell Javi anything about her past or what she did for a living.

So, a week ago, my mom and I went to Javi's house to meet his parents. I didn't realize his uncle and aunt would also be there. Upon seeing his uncle my mom's face went white as if she saw a ghost. His uncle also kept staring my mom as if he knows her.

My mom felt uncomfortable and said that she wants to go home. Javi was confused by it. But nonetheless we left earlier than we anticipated. The next day my fiance came to our place and shouted at me that I lied to him.

He said that I am a gold digger just like my mother, and my mother is the reason why his uncle's first marriage broke. I asked him to explain what the hell is he talking about. He said that his uncle knew my mom because he was a regular customer of her and often hired her for her services.

His wife caught them red handed and immediately filed for divorce. My mom was crying and said that she didn't know he was married, she never asks men about their marital status.

I told him that he has no right speak to my mom like that and his uncle was fully to blame because he was a married man who was hiring escorts for himself.

My mom has no obligation towards his marriage. Javi still blamed me and mom and said that he felt deceived. He said to my face that he doesn't want to date a "w***e's daughter" because I will probably invite men just like my mom.

My mom had to beg him to not break the engagement. I am tired. If I do end up marrying him, my mom would always have to suffer because of it. I don't want that, so I gave him back his engagement ring and told him to never show his face.

My mom is angry because she thinks this is my only chance to get married because no other guy would marry into a family where the mom works as a sex worker.

But I think I did the right thing because I am not ashamed of my mom, I didn't even want to hide it in the first place. I wanted to tell him the truth but my mom refused it. So, AITA?

Edit: I need to clear things out a bit. Javi knows everything about my life. He knows my dad fled the country and we had to live in poverty because of it.

He knows my mom got pregnant way too young. I did give him hints that my mom had to do shady things to get by (he probably thought my mom stole things). But I didn't disclose that she was a sex worker.

I wanted to tell him but my mom said not to because she doesn't want this to escalate. Also I never asked Javi to pay for my brother's education. He did it from the goodwill of his heart. I did promise to pay him back.

I am not after his money. I do love him a lot. Even though we are broken up now, I still miss him. We have been together for 6 years. It is not easy to throw away those 6 years just like that.

Here were the comments on the first post.

EggplantOriginal6314

NTA. But boy your ex sure is. You dodged a bullet getting rid of him. You will find the right person for you. Give your mom a hug and be happy you aren’t marrying into that awful family.

JimmyJonJackson420

I’m gonna need someone to explain to me how the mother broke up the marriage when he was the one hiring her behind his wife’s back I don’t get it

Tarotgirl_5392

If a man on a diet walks into a donut shop and orders a dozen donuts, Who broke the diet; the man or the donut seller?

His uncle went to her. His uncle who knew about his wife. His uncle also outed her to your fiancé who was too thick in the head to stop and say wait, why does Uncle know that

NTA. You will find someone who understands and will appreciate the sacrifice your mother made to keep you and your brother alive.

A little later, OP posted an update.

Hi everyone. I wanted to say thank you so much for your support. I never thought I would get so much support from strangers than people from my own community. I was however expecting a lot of hate towards my mom considering her profession but it is less than what I expected.

I don't know if this qualifies as a proper update but there have been few changes. After I broke the engagement, I have been getting calls from my friends and Javi's family that I am making a huge mistake.

My close friends know that my mom used to be a sex worker but mutual friends of mine and Javi does not know about it. So, they are also questioning me if I ever did that. Javi did apologize. He said he got carried away by his emotions and he loves me.

Ngl, I love him too. I wanted to get past all of this. I know people have told me that I should not get married to this guy. But I was weak for a moment. Until he told me that he is willing to let things go and start anew if my mom does not attend any wedding functions. I was shocked.

Weddings are a big deal in our culture. There are many functions and parties surrounding the wedding. How can he ask that I do not involve my mom. He told me that because of my mom's past it would be difficult for his family members to be around her.

He convinced his mom with difficulty about this engagement. Also since his uncle is going to be there, it will only remind him of bad things. At that moment I realized that I was never a consideration. It was always him and making his family happy.

My family is beneath them because we are not from a respectable background and come from homes of sex workers. I stood firm and told him no, it is not going to happen. I will not give into their demands because the way I see it my mom did not do anything wrong.

It is funny how quickly people will judge a woman based on her work, that she had to do to feed her kids but no one will come forward to help her in time of her need. Javi threatened that I am making a huge mistake by letting him go. I just left.

I do not have the energy to deal with it. I think this news is spreading like wildfire now. I may have to move out of the city because if this news reaches to my workplace I know damn well people will ostracize me. So, I might look for job in a different area.

Lastly, I messaged him saying I am sorry for not telling him earlier about my mom but I loved him a lot. I am sad that he chose this topic to ruin a 6 year old relationship. I will be going to the bank and pay back the money he paid for my brother's education.

I am still crying and jilted to say the least. Also, I saw that my post was shared in different religious groups bashing my mom. Saying that I deserved it. Well, let me tell you religious fanatics that most men who claim to be religious are not at all.

My mom had many clients who claim to be religious including pastors and preachers. So please before blaming my mom look inside your house and your family. You might find chameleons hiding within your family too.

Edit: People who are asking why I am paying him back, it is because I don't want him to use it as an excuse to call me a gold digger who used him for his money. I don't want to be in his debt.

The top comments on the second post continued firmly in OP's favor.

AwkwardFortuneCookie

It’s funny how men can chastise a women for doing something that they’re the ones paying her to do….

AmethystPassion

So why is his uncle allowed to be there? He cheated on his marriage and he gets off scott free but your mom is a villain? Make it make sense.

Lilac_experience

You (and your mother) are worth a million of him.

zanne54

Good, because you can guarantee the exclusion of your mom wouldn’t stop just with the wedding.

And I wish terrible energy to those religious asshats who would rather you/your mom be homeless and starve to death, for the sake of “virtue”.

Finally, OP returned months later for a last (for now) update on the entire situation — and the fallout.

Hello, I don't know if you guys remember me but I posted here like 3 months ago. I am so happy for your support and all the awards you guys have given me.

I wasn't supposed to come back now. But, I think I needed to make an update on this. But first I need to make a summary just in case you forgot.

So basically, my ex-fiancé disrespected my mother because she used to be a sex worker and she did sex work because my sperm donor cheated on her and left her with his mistress to a different country.

My ex-fiancé was mad at me and my mom because his uncle used to my mom's client and is one of the reason why his aunt divorced him. Long story short I broke up with him.

Now to real update: As I suspected, the news of my mom's old profession did spread like a wildfire. Some of mine and Javi's friends literally cut me off because they don't want to deal with a sex worker's blood.

I guess it is for the best because it shows they are not my real friends. My real friends stuck with me. This impacted my brother a lot. I know living here would make things difficult.

My brother will be graduating soon, I advised him to look for masters in a foreign country like in USA, Canada or UK. Because of this whole fiasco, I, along with my mom, moved to a new city. I took a transfer from my work. My boss, bless her heart, is the most amazing human being.

She literally defended me. She told my coworkers not to bother me about anything other than work. My personal life shouldn't be any of their business. She has been so supportive of me and my family. She never questioned me or judged me.

She transferred me to a different city on my request and even managed to find an apartment for me and my mom. She is like Michael Scott but mature. That is the only positive outcome from this. As for my ex, he is seeing another girl his parents set him up with.

But he did call the first 2 months just to get me back. I had moments of weakness because I loved him so much but the vile things he said about me and my family just played like a recorder.

I am still trying to heal from everything. I just hope I can get my brother out of this hell hole into a better place. People here are hypocrites and backdated. Nobody wants to change. Even people my age are so conservative. There has also been another bomb that dropped on us.

That is my POS sperm donor found me on facebook and messaged me to meet. I don't know what the hell does he think that I am going to forget those 20 years we struggled because he was a coward. selfish snake. Thanks for listening

And commenters continued to stand firmly with OP.

Nodistrict9756

I think you should be really proud of yourself for standing up for you and your mother. No Man who thinks a woman who did everything to protect their family is beneath him is worthy to be a Part of your family. I hope everything goes well for you ❤️

SnooWords4839

I'm glad he is your ex and you and mom have moved.

Ex's uncle is the real AH here.

Myent

Any chance pos bio dad owes a child support equivalent. If so getting his contact and work and address would be helpful in getting your family much deserved money, if not genuinely what good will come of it.

Do you want a "im sorry you struggled for decades but my life isn't peachy either." Because I'm willing to bet that's what you'll get if lucky

HyenaShot8896

Good for you in not allowing someone or people who disrespect your mom control you. Keep strong.

Eta: As far as sperm donor goes, tell him that unless he is going to pay all the years of child support owed to your mom when he cut, and run, to take a flying leap.