Man wants wife to stop wearing ring from first marriage. She says, 'It means nothing.'
When this man feels like he is not respected in his marriage, he asks Reddit:
'Am I wrong for feeling upset that my wife still wears the ring from her first marriage?'
I’m (37M) my wife (45F) still wears the engagement from her first marriage literally everyday. Her first husband let’s call him Marcus because that’s his name and I’m not going to keep typing out “her first husband.”
Some context because I know everyone’s going to have a lot of assumption: Marcus and my wife met when they were very young, they married young, first love kind of thing.
Marcus travels a lot for work and after 7 years of marriage my wife and Marcus decided that their marriage wasn’t going to work because of the constant traveling. My wife wanted to settle down in one place. This is the reason for why their marriage ended, nothing too crazy. They don’t have any kids together.
Marcus got my wife a 4 carat diamond ring from James Allen. He never asked for it back after they divorced. He didn’t want it back, he told her to keep it. They don’t talk to each other anymore, they lost in touch so long ago
She always wore this engagement ring even after the divorce and I met her when she was still wearing it. Originally she wore it to prevent guys from hitting on her also she just really loves rings and jewelry, she wears a lot of rings. This engagement ring is her dream ring.
I don’t have that much money to be honest. I’m just an average Joe. I’m not poor but I’m not rich. I don’t live pay check to pay check or anything. I’m just normal. Because of this my wife said after we get married it’s fine we don’t have to get each other super expensive rings or anything, she can just wear the rings she has now. We got each other wedding bands though, she wears the wedding band I got her everyday.
It bothers me that she still wears that engagement ring even though it doesn’t mean anything anymore. I don’t want to bring this up to her because I don’t want to come off as some kind of control freak that tells a woman what they can or cannot do. AITA for being upset about this?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
genderlessadventure writes:
NTA. You’re not wrong for being insecure about it but you also can’t control what she wears. In a healthy marriage there is plenty of compromise to be found here.
When my mom got divorced she took her old ring to a jeweller and had them reuse the stone and metal and they were able to turn it into a new ring with a totally different design. It cost much less because she already owned the diamond and gold- the expensive parts, but now it didn’t hold the same memories.
Bring up your feelings to your wife- not as a “this bothers me so you have to stop” but a “here’s why this makes me feel insecure, what can we do together so you can keep the ring that you like and so that my feelings are honored.”
joshman101 writes:
You’re right you don’t want to tell her what to do, but talk to your wife about your insecurities man. Can’t you see the resentment in your post that’s building up? You even reason with yourself on how the ring is irrelevant and doesn’t mean anything. BUT you haven’t talked to her about it.
Tell her how you feel and why it makes you feel this way. Let her express what she feels to you. Then hash out what you guys can do about it. Compromise, some others here have mentioned cool things you could do.
You have to work your marriage, if the other is impartial to your feelings how’re they going to know there’s a problem?
intimatecloudfoot writes:
Put your foot down and tell her that you can’t stand it anymore. You seriously made a mistake when you allowed this. She has to make a choice, ring or relationship. Downvote or not, the disrespect has to stop now or get divorced.