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Couple is so incompatible on thermostat issues they're about to divorce. AITA?

Couple is so incompatible on thermostat issues they're about to divorce. AITA?


'Am I wrong for firmly telling my wife to stop turning the heat up to 80+ degrees?'

We live in a two story house and because heat rises and the way our heat system vents are set up, the downstairs is always a few degrees cooler than upstairs.

We have some friends visiting from out of town right now and our guest bedroom is downstairs, so in order to make sure they weren't cold when they slept, I turned the heat up from where we usually like it sleeping upstairs.

I explained to my wife before bed that I had locked it onto the higher temperature so the thermostat wouldn't automatically turn itself down (since it's one of those that adjusts itself and it usually turns down at night.)

At about 4:30 in the morning, my son comes into our room complaining about it being too hot to sleep. I hop out of bed to check the thermostat and see the warning message "the heat has been running non stop for a long time, check if something is wrong."

I immediately realize that my wife changed it before bed. The thermostat itself is upstairs, but we have a temperature sensor downstairs. So my wife changed it so that instead of it getting upstairs to 75 degrees, it was trying to get downstairs to 75 degrees.

After running non stop all night it was 80 degrees upstairs, 70 degrees downstairs, and 85 in my sons room when he finally woke up to come get us. (little side note, this sensor is kept in the coldest room in the house so our pipes don't freeze when we leave town. It's just a storage room)

Now it would be easy for me to just chuckle and ask her not to do this next time. The issue is that this is literally the 4th time she has done this.

The last 4 times we've had company staying over, she waits until I go to bed, switches it to use the downstairs temperature, and then we all wake up at 4-5am sweating like pigs.

So this time after getting up and opening my sons window so his room could cool down, I very firmly told her that this is unacceptable, she has got to stop doing this. I think the worst I said was that she is insane to keep doing this.

Since then she has insisted I apologize, while I have insisted I have nothing to apologize for, since I truly believe it is insane she has done this 4 times and still doesn't understand it doesn't work.

We even checked with our guests once everyone was up and they ended up closing the vent in their room since it was getting too warm for them.

I actually can't remember any other time I was this sure I had nothing to apologize for. The last thing she said to me before I wrote this post up was "I'm going to find someone else that actually cares about me." So that's why I definitely need to know, am I wrong?

tldr my wife wanted to make sure our house guests weren't cold, messed with the thermostat, and woke everyone up sweating in the middle of the night. This is the 4th time she's done this when we've had guests over. I told her very strongly that she can't do this anymore, now she's threatening divorce.

Here were the top comments — and all firmly on OP's side.


75 is wayyy to hot for most people. She definitely needs to stop.


You're not wrong. She's insane. So insane she isn't even listening to guests or her child.


There are people in this world that don’t understand how house temperature works.
That heat rises. Fans don’t cool the air but can circulate cooler air. Turning the heat up at night is almost always a mistake…

Your wife’s feelings are hurt because you called her out on her behavior. Honestly if she’s threatening divorce over being told this is the 4th time she’s tried to roast everyone, she’s a special kind of stupid.

I wish you luck.


As an Australian, Imma do a quick conversion check.

So 80F equals 26C.

And 75F equals 23C.

And 85F (your sons room) is 29C.

So no, f that. 26C is what you want your house to be inside in the middle of summer, in the heat of the day, not in the middle of the night buried under the blankets!!! 23C is perfectly appropriate. 29C would have me sleeping in a cool bath for the night.

RIP your heating bill.


An over heated furnace could cause a fire.


Why don't you buy some small space heaters for the first floor for the guests. This might be a good compromise. Then maybe she'll stop.


are you sure you're not married to a reptilian?


Where do you guys live, Fairbanks, Alaska?

OMG 80° ?! There's times Hell doesn't get this hot.

You are not wrong.

I'm in New England and mine is set at 62° 🙂


You’re not wrong at all. It’s possible for someone who is cold to put on additional clothing. It’s a bit more difficult for someone who is hot to remove enough clothing to be cool.

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