Man's GF is pregnant with someone else's kid; asks if he's wrong to 'ruin' fathers life.
AITA for making my girlfriend go after her baby daddy for child support and 'ruining' his life?
I met my girlfriend on Tinder and we were not exclusive to begin with. We get along great and I thought we had a future.
She got pregnant and we were kind of excited to start a family. When the baby was born it was very obviously not mine. I did not sign the birth certificate. I also did not break up with her. But I also told her that I would not be making myself financially responsible for the baby.
We had planned for her to take a year off work to be with the baby. She had already taken her maternity leave. I said she needed to go after the father for child support. She didn't want to because they were 'friends'. I said I understood but then she had to take full financial responsibility for the kid.
I would help her with all the child-rearing like changing diapers and feedings and the like but not for paying for any of it. She agreed. She ran through her savings in about six months. She talked to me about helping her with baby formula and stuff and I said no. That isn't our agreement.
She called him and asked for money and he gave her a few thousand dollars to pay for baby stuff but told her not to contact him again. That is when she understood their 'friendship'.
So she went after him for child support. His fiancee found out about the whole thing and is thinking of breaking things off. The child support is enough that the baby will be well taken care of and will not affect our finances.
He called her crying because we f'd up his life. He said that I could easily afford to take care of them and that I'm an asshole for dragging his life through the mud. She feels terrible about it and blames me for not just stepping up and considering her a single mom.
I love my girlfriend and the baby and I have no problem raising the baby. But I don't think I should be held financially responsible when the father has resources and tried to evade responsibility. AITA?
Info from OP:
We were using birth control.
We have established paternity and have court ordered child support. Yay for lawyers. I paid for the lawyer. He has money. He has a profession. It's not like he works at a burger joint.
If I took responsibility for the baby and then we broke up I could be held financially responsible for the kid.
Now that we are getting child support I am covering most stuff. The support is going into an account for the kid's future.
I am fully willing to be a father to this baby. I can afford it. But yes I think that the baby's biological father has to support his kid. I will support our family and the kid will have a great nest egg to start life.
Here's how people judged OP:
ColdstreamCapple writes:
NTA. He’s the father he should be responsible. However….If she’s going through her finances without thinking about her responsibilities and she initially tried to pin the baby on you is that not a red flag of potential issues that may crop up??? 🚩🚩🚩
SecretJealous4342 writes:
NTA. it's good that you are willing to be a family with your girlfriend and her baby. And according to you you could afford to support them. But that does not absolve the biological father of responsibility for the maintenance of his child. And what if, god forbid, something happened to you and you could not afford it any more? What happens then?
kissybooks writes:
If you love your gf and the baby, why not plan to adopt especially since the bio father does not want to be involved?
Intelligent_Act_436 writes:
NTA. You need to protect yourself in case that ever happens. If you guys split up in a year or something, you should not be on the hook for 17 years of support.
Purple_riso writes:
OP says he wants to be fully the father. That means being on the hook - not for 17 years, but for life. That’s parenthood.
LCJ75 writes:
Everyone is an AH. Your GF didn't know who the father was? The father had a fiancé so quickly meaning he was already likely cheating. You date and think the kid is yours until it's born. Birth control is easily available and protects with great reliability a child from being brought into the world with this baggage. The poor kid.