'AITA for 'embarrassing' my fiancé by saying he's not entitled to my inheritance?'
"AITA for 'embarrassing' my fiancé by saying he's not entitled to my inheritance?"
cereal-killher
I (32F) recently got engaged to my partner (35M) just a year ago. As of right now we have been together 5 years, and our wedding is planned for May 2025. I am just going to get straight into it.
Unfortunately, only a couple of weeks after our engagement, my nana passed away, the reason for it I will not disclose. My nana and grandpa worked extremely hard throughout their lives, were very successful, educated and had really high paying jobs.
They were very restricted on spending money young and so lived their elderly years with lots of it. Worth noting my grandpa is a very, very intelligent man, and he's very smart with money and investments, so when I say lots, I do mean lots.
My nanna wrote a hugely generous sum of money into her will that was to be inherited by me, my brother and my three cousins. Even after the money was divided up, there was still thousands to each of our names. I also won't disclose the exact amount. When I heard the news, I told my fiancé and he was incredibly overjoyed, much more than I expected him to be.
I went along with it and shrugged it off until later in the day I heard him on the game with his mates saying "I can pay my credit card off with that money mate! We can finally get that boys' holiday we've been planning, ay?" and laughing. I walked into the room and asked "What money?" and he immediately looked at me funny and said "From your nan, babe."
I immediately exploded on him and said "You won't be paying anything off without my permission, and there most certainly will be no 'boys' holiday. It's not your money to have, it's written to me from MY nana, it's not for you."
We had a shouting match and I left the room upset, he later got off the game and found me in the kitchen where he scolded me again and said "We are getting married, you will become my financial BURDEN. Any money you take in is mine also. It was incredibly selfish of you to make such a fool out of me in front of my friends and giving them false hope of a holiday."
Again, worth noting it wasn't me who said anything about a holiday, and where I become a financial burden I don't know considering I am in a very good job, and don't want children.
I left the house without saying a word and am typing this at my friend's house right now. I forgot to mention that this incident has literally just happened, the reason my fiancé only just found out is because until now even I didn't know if the money was coming to me or not due to several family and court complications. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
midnightschild
You really want to marry this guy? There are 2 problems:
He assumed he’s entitled to the money. He assumed he can spend it on a discretionary item that does not include you. Pt2. is the bigger problem.
PrideofCapetown
Nana gave OP 2 gifts:
The money. Got the fiancé to reveal how much of an asshole he was BEFORE any marriage or co-mingling of assets. OP needs to run like her tampon string is on fire. And before he tries to baby trap her.
CriticalSimple3122
Ok so he has shown you that he thinks of you as a burden and is planning on spending money that isn’t actually his on his ‘boys’. And he’s screaming at you because you won’t fall in with his plans. You’re nuts if you actually marry him.
Particular-Try5584
Same comments as on the AITA group… Why are you marrying a man who sees his future with you as a ‘burden’. Forget that noise. Marry someone else.
chaingun_samurai
"We are getting married, you will become my financial BURDEN. Any money you take in is mine also."
"Well, I wouldn't want to be a burden on you, so let's call that whole marriage thing off." NTA
throwaway_ArBe
He is straight up telling you he is going to financially abuse you. This won't just be about your inheritance. NTA.
Badger_Jam_88
NTA. What would you be the asshole for? Not letting him take your inheritance? If you're going to be such a burden to him, he would be better off if you left. If not for you, do it for him.
Myay-4111
Stop the wedding. Do not marry this guy. First, ... wow he's got credit card debt he's never paid off? Living beyond his means is a HABIT. Second... what's his is his, and what's yours is his? Oh honey NO.
Third... the rage? entitlement and DARVO ... projecting you would be "the burden" on him in the relationship? this man exhibits all the classic Narcissist tells. Your grandparents last gift to you wasn't just the money, but the wisdom of who this guy really is underneath. No character, abusive, entitled, parasitic. Run.
TimeEnvironmental687
NTA. But you would be TA to yourself if you marry this fool.
Edit from OP:
This was originally posted yesterday, I have spent the night at my friend's house.