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Woman faces family's wrath after marrying sister's middle school boyfriend. NEW UPDATE

Woman faces family's wrath after marrying sister's middle school boyfriend. NEW UPDATE


"AITAH for marrying my sisters ex?"


Me (27F) and my sister (29F) have been fighting recently for something that I thought got resolved a long time ago. I’ve debated posting for like a week now but figured someone not directly involved would be good to hear from.

A couple months ago I married my husband, Greg (29M) after being together for 4 years. We met each other working at the same office and I developed this huge crush on him. I was pretty sure he was into me too, so I decided to bring it up to my sister, Alicia.

Alicia and Greg had dated in middle school when they were both 13ish, and because it had been so long and at such a young age I didn’t think there would be an issue, but I still wanted to check. I didn’t want to accidentally start dating some long lost love of her life or something, so I thought I would clear the air by asking.

She seemed a bit surprised because I don’t think she was expecting to hear about her middle school ex boyfriend randomly so many years later, but after we talked for a bit she said she didn’t really care. So I thought cool, I have the go ahead. I thanked her and moved on with things and a little while later, me and Greg got together.

It’s never seemed to be an issue before recently, we hit all the milestones and she seemed to be happy for us. When he met my family again, they were a bit surprised but things were fine. My sister was even one of my bridesmaids and seemed happy for me the entire time.

Like I haven’t really thought of them dating in forever because it no longer seems relevant. I mean, she has a husband at this point, so it doesn’t seem like a middle school boyfriend would be something to dwell on.

We were with my family this Christmas and things were going just as fine as they usually are until my sister started handing out the presents she had gotten. Now we don’t get each other presents every year, and people in my family typically aren’t buying special presents for people they’re not close to.

So the in-laws don’t get screwed or anything because they didn’t buy every individual cousin a gift. But, during my wedding planning she said she wanted to get me something special for my first Christmas as a married woman, so it took me off guard.

I looked sort of confused for a second but I didn’t want to be a Grinch on Christmas so I just smiled and watched everyone open their gifts. Lots of circumstances could cause someone to not be able to get a gift so it was fine. But after she finished handing things out, she looked at me and said I wasn’t getting anything because “I had taken enough”.

I asked her what she meant because huh? And she said I didn’t have to be so weird to plot to take Greg from her. I’ll admit I had a crush on him WHEN I WAS 11 but I didn’t plan my life around dating him one day??

I grabbed her and pulled her into the other room and we started yelling at each other. I definitely said some nasty things because if she had an issue, why wouldn’t she bring that up when I directly asked her. We both wound up leaving my parents house early and her husband seemed super angry.

My mom texted that she was disappointed we fought in Christmas which yeah, I get, but it’s not like I did it intentionally. She’s telling whatever family members will listen about how I stole her boyfriend and so they’re mad at me.

I don’t feel like I could be the AH, but I also can’t tell. Greg’s super pissed because she’s been trying to message him about this and he doesn’t get why this is such an issue.

I’ve tried to speak with her a couple times, and I brought up how I asked her already for permission, but she says I took her off guard. So, AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. Your sister has issues. Middle school ex is in the safe zone for dating and she herself cleared it.


Agree NTA. Sounds like there's something else going on in your sister's life but that's not your problem. It would be interesting to know if her husband has contacted either you or Greg?


That means that four years after you got married, she only told you about it after you surprised her?

It seems like she's experiencing marital issues and venting to you, to be honest.


Wait, your sister is 29, and she's accusing you of "stealing" someone she date briefly at 13? Despite the fact that she'd clearly moved on, married someone else, AND had given you the go ahead?

NTA.... your sister, however, needs therapy.


Middle school relationships don’t count, not the AH.


NTA: Considering how happy you two are, it's likely that your sister is dissatisfied in her marriage and wishes she had married Greg instead.

She believes you stole her happy married life because she observes you leading a contented life.


NTA. Oh good god, does sis' husband know that sis is mad about this?? You had no way until just now that sis was angry... I would not want to be in her husband's shoes right now!!!

The OP responded here:


He was there during presents, so he has to be aware. Even thought we definitely talked more away from everyone, she made it pretty clear why she was mad while we were still sitting around.


You are definitely NTA. Even asking her if it was okay to start dating Greg was kind of overcautious (but considerate) given they dated when they were children and she's married to someone else???

I don't know what your relationship is normally like, but if this kind of outrageous scene is out of character, I would try to sit down and get to the bottom of what exactly she's upset about (problems in her own marriage perhaps?).

The OP again responded:


It’s not like her at all which is why I’m so surprised. We’re not super close but I’ve always considered us good sisters.


So you spring it on her 4 years ago, and she waited to tell you after you’re married 4 years later? Sounds like she’s having marital problems and taking it out on you tbh. NTA.

Six days later, the OP returned with an update.

"UPDATE: AITAH for marrying my sisters ex?"


Things are pretty tense right now in my family, but less people are mad at me now. A lot of you were correct about the marriage issues between my sister and her husband. The other night my mom invited me over to talk about what was happening.

First she apologized for telling me she was disappointed, her and my dad were just upset there was drama on Christmas. I apologized for picking the fight during the gift exchange, because I know I definitely could’ve waited until later.

Her and my sister have been talking a lot the past couple of days. I have yet to talk to her in person. Alicia told my mom that her husband, Chris, had told Alicia that I had been flirting with him and I had seduced him. I would never do that. So this was a pretty big shock to hear. He had never been weird to me so I had always been cordial, but I am in no way attracted to him.

She had told my mom a couple months back that Chris was interested in another woman, but never said who. They had been going to couples counseling to help and Alicia told my mom it had been helping. We’re not sure what caused her to snap at Christmas specifically, since beforehand she told my mom things were getting better.

My mom had called her the night after we fought and that’s when my sister told her that I was the person Chris had been talking about. I just don’t get why he’d pretend we had been flirting or why she’d even believe it.

I’ve always been open about Greg, and I can’t even think of the last time I’ve spoken to Chris without someone else present. I guess he wanted to avoid responsibility or something but he didn’t have to make that my issue.

But the stealing comment she made towards me was because I guess she saw it as once is a coincidence, two is a pattern, and thought I was some evil b-word who wanted every guy she had.

When my mom called me over, she didn’t think I was doing anything with Chris but she still asked to make sure, which really hurt to be honest. It’s not like I can prove I’m not doing something, but she believes me at least.

Since we’ve talked, she’s been doing damage control on all the relatives, who my sister was telling I was stealing her husband. This whole thing would’ve been easier if she had just talked to me about it. My mom said she would try to talk to Alicia some more to convince her I’m not trying to steal her husband.

Greg’s outraged. He’s angry at my whole family pretty much, but mostly Alicia and Chris. She texted Greg yesterday “[My name] only loves you because you were mine.” Sofia I guess she doesn’t believe my mom. He blocked her after that.

I don’t know. I was hoping the reasoning would’ve been something else. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if my relationship with her can come back from this, and I refuse to be anywhere near Chris.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:


It’s possible your BIL cheated and is using you as a smoke screen to hide it. It is unfortunate your sister chose this route but that’s on her. It is also possible she knows he cheated and who with and is also using you as a smoke screen. Either way none of this is on you. Your sister is adult and is capable of communicating like an adult and not like she’s 14 again.


Oh dear. BIL cheated. He’s using OP as a scapegoat. Yup. I would block these people.


I'd hire a damn private investigator and go sorched Earth on BIL.


I can’t believe my mind didn’t immediately arrive at this. Hire the investigator. Get the evidence. Attend a family gathering, sweet as pie, and tell sis you brought a peace offering. Slap down the evidence so she and everyone can see, then go NC with her.


I was ready to be very open to the sister‘s side from the title…and then almost immediately got to ”dated in middle school” and immediately just went “what.” Poor OP, so glad Chris didn’t manage to poison her relationship with Greg at least.


WTF is wrong with Chris, throwing her under the bus like that for no reason. I suspect Chris has a crush on her, but jesus - talk about screwing with two marriages. Chris is a POS and her sister isn't too far behind with holding a grudge about a MIDDLE SCHOOL relationship from 10 years ago.

So, do you think the OP should feel bad? Is this just petty sibling rivalry? Why did Chris lie?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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