When this Maid of Honor falls asleep multiple times during her best friend's wedding and doesn't know why, she asks Reddit:
Yesterday I (F25) was at my best friend (F25, FN Sarah) wedding as her maid of honor, and officially ruined the atmosphere with my sleepy behaviour and falling asleep twice.
I was running on a 30 minute stressful nap of energy, so I don't remember much of what happened, but from "testimony" from the other brides maids and some of the guests; I displacing slow reactions, lose of concentration and body coordination, with fuzzy vision.
The ceremony went fine, with two of the brides maids helping me; my bff sister (F29, FN Nina), and my SIC (F26, FN Kara), bless their souls.
I remember the ceremony, but the after that, everything is a blurr. Apparent. Nina stayed with me throught nearly the entire reception, while Kara took up the MoH duties in the reception.
Even then, accor. to them and others, cause everyone knew I was the maid of honor, guests wondered why I was looking like a zombie, just sitting on my assigned seat and doing nothing.
I then aparently fell asleep and Nina woke me to the speeches, in which I fumbled mine (aparently looking and acting like I was drunk or high) and made myself and by association, Sarah and the BMs look bad.
In the middle of Sarah's MILs speech, I fell asleep yet again, falling face first into my plate, ruining her speech (she took it as a personal offence, acor. to her calls). Nina then took me home and stayed over.
Now, when I woke up, Nina sugercoated what had happened, but the calls and texts informed me exactly what I had done under the reception.
Many wedding guests sent angry/hateful texts or calls, calling me horrible things. I have tried to reach Sarah and her husband, but neither is answering, but according to my some brides maids, Sarah is seething.
Most of my fellow brides maids are understanding and is defending me, as to say that the days leading up to the wedding was hectic, would be a understatement.
They assert I saved the wedding, from acting as the "official" wedding planner through and coordinating the rehearsal to the point that even without me, they and the personal could do everything without a hitch.
They say it's understandable that I'm tired, as i had to panic find new photographers the night before the wedding because of sickness (after rehearsal), force the old to take COVID tests (negative), checking on ever guest to see their health, setting up zoom for the elderly to not take any chances and for just generally being a positive influence.
It doesn't change that i'm horrified and feel extremely guilt for ruining Sarah's special day. Am I the Asshole?
FYI. I'm at a hospital, they just took both a urine test and blood, and it should take a while, but they seem worried? At least Nina is with me, she is extremely worried, and its really cute...
Edit 2: Everyone who said I should get to hospital, thank you, thanks so much. The found the checimals or something, of a type of benzodiazepin? As they search specificly for it, they found it fast, but they said there is something else that is wrong and want me to stay here while they do some tests.
After more info, NTA This does not sound like you were just sleepy. This sounds far more serious.
I've had symptoms similar to yours twice in my life. Once was after a very severe concussion nearly 15 years ago. The second time was 10 years ago when I was hospitalized for very bad pneumonia.
Do you literally mean that you only had 30 minutes of sleep total, before the entire wedding? I need to withhold judgment until I see more information. Why were you in a position that required you to get supposedly zero sleep for 2 days before the wedding?
48 hours without sleep is extremely dangerous if that did in fact happen. With more details It's pretty clear to me that the OP is NTA. They were overworked and super tired because they were not getting quality help from their friends. Basically all the last minute changes fell on one person: the OP.
If the OP had more help, there was a strong possibility none of the wedding day disturbances would have happened.
Yta for letting it get to this point. You shouldve asked the rest of the bridal party for help and gotten more rest. Even if there was no helping the lack of sleep and how tired you are, you should’ve told someone you felt sick and excused yourself because now all the hard work that got tired doing got ruined by you acting strange and bringing all attention to yourself.
Edit: since some people have to go around finding comments made before OP edit and being dramatic. If OP was drugged than obviously NTA, but that wasn’t information I had when I made my initial comment.
YTA - but NOT for being tired, but for letting it get to the point. Your job was MOH. That includes being present in the wedding and doing your speech. Nobody could do this job for you, because it was your role.
Everything else leading up to this (organizing a different photographer, setting up zoom...) could have been delegated, even with you being the person organizing it and keeping the overview. Or was there literally no-one who could have take up a telephone and call people or set up a simple zoom call?
You are an adult, so you should know that running on no sleep for two days and then be attentive during a very important day for your friend is near to impossible. Yes, some things might have taken more time than you anticipated, but you should have seen early enough that you needed help.
And in taking up too much on your own, you failed the one job no-one else could have done for you. Additionally, you kept two other bride maids from being there for the bride/enjoying the party, because they had to supervise you during the wedding/stay with you instead of being there.
What I want to know: Why? Why not delegate/ask for help? Were you too scared to ask for help or did your pride not allow you to give anything in other hands?
NTA Wow, people should really be more empathetic. If my best friend/MoH was acting like this I'd be first and foremost concerned for her well-being and safety.
Weddings do not matter more than your health. You are an AH, to yourself, for not taking yourself seriously. Please try to rest and catch up later, and maybe get better friends who actually care about you.
I don't understand how this happened. A healthy young adult should not be so sleepy that they faceplant into their food. You say that you were sleepy because you were doing so many things to prepare for the wedding.
This was Sarah's wedding, not yours. It's not the MOH's job to be the free wedding planner for the entire wedding. It was Sarah's or her family's job to find backup photographer at the last minute.
Why were you checking on every guest and forcing every old person to take a Covid test? Surely it's up to them if they want to test themselves before they come?
I would agree with the people who said it's really dangerous for you that you lost so much sleep over this wedding that you were unable to stay awake. I think your goal now is to figure out how you allowed yourself into a situation that was physically dangerous for you.
And, if the reason you fell asleep at the wedding was that you were helping Sarah with what should have been her tasks and her family's tasks for wedding preparation, why did you do all of that?
This is far beyond what a MOH should be doing. And why did you allow her to accuse you of ruining the wedding when in reality you apparently rescued the entire wedding from disaster?
Sarah sounds really ungrateful and a user and someone who doesn't care about you at all. Maybe one thing you'll get out of this wedding is to re-evaluate who your true friends are
I hope its only cause of the sleep deprivation and stress, both I have had in drove over the last 2 months. I do have a bellow average immune system, but I don't know if that would have a effect.
The first day was just because I wanted the rehearsal and wedding to be good, so I checked everything for what must have been the 42th time. I coordinated and fixed everything and just had to much adrenaline and stress to sleep. That was fine, no real difference.
Then wednesday, going throught the rehearsal (several times, because Sarah wanted perfection), which when smooth. At afternoon, we was informed that both of the wedding photographers, who had been at the rehearsal, was sick.
It took some time to get them to agree with going and taking COVID tests, and they informed us at midnight that they were negative. (Edit: they messaged that they were sick and choose to back out, I did not fire them)
I, feeling stressed and not wanting the wedding to be pushed forward (who knows when we could get a new time, Sarah had this time for nearly a year), because of potential sickness.
(I didnt know they were negative before starting to check everyone, stubborn idiots, and while both were negative, I lost all my grandparents because of COVID, so I got a laser focus on checking the rest to)...
I went and bought several tests and tested us, the bride maids, the personal (took a couple of hours), going to the hotel to do the same to the some of the guests (took into the night, and no, no on was happy about being woken, but I had to be sure, but the fear took control).
Even after discovering the photographers were negative, I was already suffering from sleep deprivation and just had to finish this task.
Then the rest of the night I had to hunt for new wedding photographers, and because of the short notice, only managed to find someone willing at 3AM. After that I was to stressed and worried.
I ended up isolating the elderly and taught them all zoom (took a while) out of that fear of them becoming sick. Quickly renting cameras and computers, to get a better experience.
All of this is kinda stupid, but my sleep deprivation and stress really didn't help me to think critically. The others, especially Kara, helped, but I still couldn't rest, just too worried.
After the ceremony, the worry let up and adrenaline spurt died, taking with it all its energy, is what Nina thinks happened and why I nearly collapsed at the wedding.