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Woman suspicious of BFF's 'troubling' relationship with her husband, her MIL intervenes. UPDATED

Woman suspicious of BFF's 'troubling' relationship with her husband, her MIL intervenes. UPDATED


"My (26f) best friend (23f) might be in love with my husband (26m). Where do I go from here?"

My husband and I have been together since we were young teenagers. We got married last year and have a six month old daughter together. She is the light of both our lives as we both came from broken homes and want a better life than we lived growing up.

My best friend came a few years later. We used to live in the same neighborhood and casually began to hang out. She lives with both her parents and siblings as she is studying to get her bachelor's degree. At first, she didn't like my husband.

Said that he was clingy and tried to insert himself into our friendship. (WTF?) She was civil to him because he was my romantic partner. For context, my husband is bipolar type 2, autism and PTSD and it causes him to be a little socially awkward and miss certain social cues and taboos. I love him regardless of it all.

Over the last few years, we have been hanging out a lot more. She comes over for a few drinks, we go to movies, and even visit local attractions together. We all three have a good time, and my husband does try to make nights for just the two of us often, too.

However, last year my husband and I found out we were expecting a child together in January. I was working and fell ill because at the time, I was working a fast food place. I threw up and went to the doctor. Come to find out, I was eight and half weeks pregnant.

My life changed and I had become more busy to get myself ready for motherhood. My best friend saw me less and less and we couldn't talk as much. My husband I got married almost month and half after discovering we were going to become parents.

That's when our dynamic changed. Recently I applied to school and am currently in college trying to get a law degree so I can become a paralegal and get to law school. I'm also a stay-at-home mom while doing college, too. I've been super busy. One day my husband gets a text, and it's from my best friend. She asks if they can talk, as she was upset.

He took the phone call with me protesting and a few minutes later said, "Sandra (fake name), we need to go get Karla (fake name). Her father is picking a fight with her." I get upset as we were watching a movie together and I had just gotten the baby down for bed.

We go to her house, which is about twenty minutes away and she stays with us for a night. As I get our daughter back down to bed, Karla asks to cuddle with the two of us in our bed. I was hesitant. I have issues with claustrophobia due to a traumatic experience as a child. My husband gave the go ahead.

We settle in for the night. Karla's dad apologized and she heads back home. Once she was gone, I blew up on my husband. What he did did not only inappropriate, but was disrespectful to my boundaries. Ever since, when she has an issue with her dad, she calls my husband and vents.

One day, while my in-laws were staying with us, my MIL overheard a convo with my hubby and Karla. She was concerned and asked me if I was okay with it. I said, "No, not really, but every time I bring it up, he gets defensive, saying that she needs help. That she is going through a hard time. Blah blah blah."

It is important to note that my MIL was cheated on in the past by her ex, my husband's father. We are also extremely close, and she sees me as a daughter. She hates cheaters with a passion, and my husband (who I will refer to as James) was using the same excuses his father did. She asked to speak to him privately and walked to our living room.

They got into a heated match and James apologized to me. He said he didn't know that it was hurting me and causing issues in our marriage. I asked him, "How would he feel if I had asked him if another man could sleep in the bed with us?" He kind of deflated and tried to say, "It's different. Blah blah blah."

His stepfather, Mark (fake name) spoke up and said, "It is the same. You're uncomfortable with it. So is she. Quit with the excuses." James respects Mark quite a lot actually. Mark raised him since he was 8 and his own father was in and out of the picture.

Once the dust settles, my husband truly apologized to me for his actions and said that he would do better. I kissed him and that was that. However, I wouldn't be right here if that was the end of the issues. Lately, Karla has been calling him three to eight times a day. She says it's because she is bored and has no one else to talk to. I snap.

I call him out over the nonchalance about the situation, how when she calls, he answers, how it is making me feel like a third wheel in my marriage, etc. His response? "She's just lonely. You're letting it get to you." That night I slept in the living room. I'm starting to suspect that she is trying to monopolize his time.

She calls him for over an hour each time he calls, they talk, she complains about her life, etc. Almost like she is his girlfriend or something. I am starting to find this relationship troubling. It's getting to the point that it is affecting my marriage. Where do I go from here? Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm going to have a talk with him, with his mom involved. He won't listen to me if I don't. I'm tired of fighting him over this. I should have an update with a resolution in a couple days. I'm going to read everyone's responses more thoroughly. Thanks for the advice.

Edit #2: My husband and I had a sit down talk. His mother and stepfather weren't available. He promised me that he would explain everything in detail. I called Karla and she said that we could talk Friday when she wasn't busy with school. She had something she needed to air out. I will have an update on Friday, hopefully...

Edit #3: I woke up to a text from Karla this morning. She actually wants to talk to me tonight, alone, as her schedule has changed We are going to have a heart to heart. Hopefully I will have some news.

Edit #4: I need some time. I will post an update later on. My heart is hurting. Hubby and I are getting a divorce. Thank you for understanding, everybody! 💔

Here are some of the top comments:

Aggravating-Owl-8974 said:

You’ve set your boundaries and he continues to cross them. Is this how you want your marriage to be? She won’t stop as long as your husband responds to her every time.

KoalaAcceptable7677 said:

This is on your husband entertaining her like that. You can be mad at Karla, but it’s on him to say no. Having this situation with a neighbor makes it doubly hard.

BoudiccasJustice said:

He needs to cut her off. You both do. He needs to tell her that their contact is hurting his marriage so it’s best they not have contact and then block her. He’s choosing her over you again and again, every single time. Sounds like he is enjoying the attention, he likes being needed by her, by being her hero.

If he doesn’t stop contact, the relationship is going to be over. He’s in an emotional affair with her. Next step is physical. It’s unfortunate, but it’s ultimatum time - it’s either you or her. He can’t have both and maintain a healthy marriage.

l3ex_G said:

They are having an emotional affair. There “friendship” needs to end. You have him have to start counselling and work on your marriage. Sorry but the stats are most men cheat when their partners are pregnant. I would also involved your MIL and FIL to see if they can get him to see that he is royally fucking up. That woman is not your friend and she needs to find someone else.

BulkyCaterpillar4240 said:

Cuddling in bed together? WTF? Give your husband a choice: either he cuts contact for good with her, changed his number or the marriage is over. OP you need to grow a spine and set firm boundaries, block this so call girlfriend permanently. Your husband has a choice: his family or that sleezy so called friend.

Here is the UPDATE:

This update is hard. Everything about this situation sucks and I don't know if I will be okay for some time. Baby and I are currently staying with my friend, Tanya, To start, James and I are getting a divorce. Karla is no longer a friend to me or our mutuals. The betrayal is too deep for her to be friends with our group.

As most of you assumed, James and Karla are indeed having an affair. It started about three months ago and just turned physical one month ago. They were planning on just up and leaving after James served me divorce papers. They used the ruse that he was helping her through emotional issues to hide the fact. I was crushed.

She wanted to clear the air before it got worse. That was when she dropped a huge bombshell. James was going to try and get me to terminate my rights to my child in order for Karla to adopt her. The reason? My borderline diagnosis a few years ago made me unfit to be a mother and he was sure that the courts would agree.

She then handed me two separate stacks of paperwork and left. I am contacting a lawyer as I am writing this. I was seriously hurt. You guys were right. Karla was a snake and only told me this so she wouldn't feel guilty. However, I am not letting my soon-to-be- ex-husband bully me into termination of my rights.

I called him afterwards and got very heated about what was going on. James just sat there in silence. I was crying afterwards. I pleaded with him to tell me what I did wrong.

For a little bit of backstory: I had a near-fatal complication with my delivery of our daughter where I bled my entire labor. I had to have two blood transfusions and haven't fully recovered from it. I was not cleared for any extrenuous activity for three months, including sexual activity.

James was getting unsatisfied with all my doctor's appointments and not getting the sex that he wanted. I was hurting and ended up needing another procedure to remove some placenta that didn't naturally come out. I had to have my tubes tied because if I have another child, it will kill me next time.

James wanted at least two more kids and this put an end to his plans. I married a monster. We were together since we were 15 and this is how he repays me? I thought I knew him. He was acting so caring and nice to me. I am absolutely heartbroken. I'm not even sure if I am going to update this anymore, but if I do, it'll be after the divorce settles.

Thanks for all your concern. I'm going to step back and take some time to adjust. There is no chance for a healthy co-parenting situation. I'm fighting for primary custody with supervised visits. Karla will not have any access to baby, as I will ask the judge to make a clause preventing her from interacting with my daughter. Thanks for all the advice!

Edit: I forgot to add that I contacted his mother and Mark this morning. They are furious that James is doing this to me. They are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer because I'm a stay-at-home mom and college student.

They have kicked James out and he is now staying at our old house with Karla. He did give me the courtesy to get my stuff and didn't put up a fuss about me taking what I wanted. He told me that he will keep in contact for divorce proceedings.

Sources: Reddit
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