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'My BFF who I am secretly in love with asked me to be her sperm donor.' UPDATED

'My BFF who I am secretly in love with asked me to be her sperm donor.' UPDATED


"My [32 M] best friend asked if I would be her [30 F] sperm donor for her surrogate and I am in love with her but she has no idea.​​​​​​"

So for a bit of background we met in college and have been best friends since then. We hooked up once years ago,It was a drunken exchange and I honestly chocked it up to we were both drunk and in the right place.

She got ovarian cancer that was stage three a few years back and survived and has been in remission however she had to have a complete hysterectomy. She had mentioned a year ago she was considering surrogacy. She had told me she planned to use a donor as she has been single for a while.

Thing is I am in love with her and I have been for years but she has no idea. I know at one point she had feelings for me but I was seeing someone then and out of respect for my gf at the time she never acted on it. I feel like before I give her an answer which will be yes I should tell her how I feel.

I want to make her dream of motherhood come true and I am honestly touched she thinks so highly of me she wants me to be the father. Regardless of how she feels, I will still donate and If she doesn’t still feel the same way I will love her as my best friend. Guess I am trying to find the best way to ask her and came to reddit for advice So how should I handle this?

What do you think he should do? This is what some top commenters had to say:

grayghoster said:

Tell her. Tell her. Tell her. Regardless of the sperm donor decision, you have to let her know. Good luck.

dragonfliesloveme said:

What if you donate the sperm, she has a kid, then she meets somebody? And then that person will be raising your DNA kid with her...will you be alright with that? You really need to tell her how you feel. Even if she reciprocates your feelings, she may want to table having a kid for a while as you two adjust to a new relationship.

mutema said:

Go get her man. Be honest with her. Wish you good luck. Update us when she says yes will you?

Faith_Sci-Fi_Hugs said:

I think telling her and them taking it slowly is the best idea. Don't donate without telling her how you feel though. People have made a very good point about your kid being raised by someone else and you being on the hook for child support. Worst case scenario, you tell her, she doesn't reciprocate and she finds another donor. Best case scenario you get to build a family together. I hope the best for you.

Flaggstaff said:

It's all or nothing. In my opinion either you go all the way - full on relationship with the kid together, or you don't donate ar all. Watching another man raise your child could be a hard road. Give it your best shot bro, good luck!


I appreciate all the feedback. The consensus with my friends was I needed to tell her. We do Brunch on Saturdays because she does Yoga Sundays so we met up this morning. I could barely eat and she could tell something was up. She got worried thinking I was going to say no or something worse so by the time we took a walk both of us were nervous wrecks.

I sat her down and told her everything how I realized I was in love with her several years back but was to much of a chicken shit to come clean. I told her that I never said anything because I did not want to jeopardize our friendship. Her face turned white then a myriad of expressions came over her face then she started laughing till tears came down her face.

I honestly was stunned, my stomach was in my throat and I honestly thought that almost 12 years of friendship were down the toilet. Then she started crying, sobbing really and she lightly hit my chest. She half laughed and sobbed that she was in love with me too but she thought that it would also impede the friendship we had and she wanted nothing to screw up what we have.

We hugged and I told her that there is no one on this earth I would want to have a child with but her. We talked for hours ,in fact I just got home. We have decided that we want to focus on us for now. I want us to be at that point that we can do it together. I know that this isn’t a rom com, and that things could end up not working out for us in the end.

However I am pretty sure if there is such things as soulmates she is mine. Thank you guys and gals for giving me the courage to tell her

Update #2: Quick trip to AZ - in r/roadtrip

Hey so later next month I will be taking a piece of equipment from my workplaces Las Vegas Office and driving it to Phoenix. I am flying into Vegas with my gf April 19 early morning renting a car and going to get the equipment. We should be good to leave for AZ at 10 am. I have been to Vegas several times but never to Phoenix. Since it’s my birthday weekend we are planning on staying on another few days. Thanks will be over Friday night, would love to know what I should see what we should do any food suggestions would be awesome as well as we are both foodies. Thank you in advance!!

Update #3: Wedding in the Seattle/Tacoma area

We already eloped but are looking to have a reception where she grew up. We are looking at 30-50 guests max. It will be next spring around Early to mid march. We are going to be in the area this august and would love to have a few places to check out. Anyone that could give us a few suggestions or places they used would be much appreciated!

Relevant Comment:

Jesus Christ you moved fast. Guessing this has something to do with the fact she wants a child. Best of luck in both endeavours.

OP Response:

No actually it is because she got laid off and needed health insurance so we said screw the inevitable we knew we were going to get married anyway and so we did. She is having some medical issues currently so time was of the essence making sure she had insurance. Baby plans are delayed a few years. We want to get her health taken care of and enjoy a reception and honeymoon before children.

Sources: Reddit
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