So my boyfriend and I have been together for just under a year. When we first started dating he told me about Faith, one of his best friends. They've known one another since childhood and are extremely close.
I didn't have a problem with this initially because Faith had a boyfriend and the way she acted towards my boyfriend she also acted towards another close male friend so I thought it's just who she is.
Just before Christmas, Faith and her boyfriend broke up. I never got the details just that it was a really bad breakup. They were living together and Faith needed a place to stay so my boyfriend offered his couch. This is where I started getting uncomfortable.
I told him I didn't like some girl staying at his place like this and he told me it's temporary and she's his best friend and I don't get a say in who he lends his couch out to. We argued and eventually I relented.
On New Year's I wanted to go back to his place after the celebration at my friend's place but he said Faith is there and we wouldn't be able to do anything (sex) and I got annoyed and said she can listen to it for all I care.
He got annoyed at that and said he's not doing that. I asked him when she plans on getting her own place and he said she's looking but it's hard to find something in her price range. I went home alone that night.
A week ago, he wasn't feeling the greatest so I wanted to surprise him with food so I showed up to his apartment and she answered the door in a tank top and very small pajama shorts. When she went to have a shower I asked him if she walks around like that all the time and he said yes and saw me get annoyed and told me not to start.
I asked him how he'd feel if I had a close male friend living with me walking around half naked and he said he'd be uncomfortable but he'd trust me not to do anything. I told him I do trust him but it's still a boundary for me and I asked again when she's moving out.
That's when he dropped the bomb on me that the two of them have decided to look for a place together once his lease is up in March.
I LOST IT. She heard us fighting and came out of the shower (dressed, somewhat) and asked what was wrong and I told her I'm not comfortable with any of this. She apologized and said I better find a way to be comfortable with it.
he didn't say anything and when I said "seriously?!" He sighed and told me she's right, that she's been his friend longer than I've been in his life and this will benefit them both in the long run so this is what's happening. I asked what's going to happen if we wanted to move in together before the lease to whatever place they're getting is up and he said that's something we can discuss if and when that happens.
I was so unbelievably mad and insulted that I just left. I texted him later and asked him to think about what's more important. Living with her or our relationship and he said that sounds like I'm giving him an ultimatum and I said that's not what I'm doing but he's being unreasonable.
We've been texting since but it feels like it's probably the end of our relationship. I've brought up my discomfort about everything including how close they are to my best friend and she said there's nothing I can do and I'll lose 100% of the time, which kinda pissed me off because if he saw a future with me at all then shouldn't he want be fight for us and make me feel comfortable in the relationship?
Here's how the top commenters interpreted the situation.
As I always say on these, as a girl best friend to a guy for 10+ years. I would NEVER speak to his girlfriend like that.
You can't have sex because shes there....and now they're moving in together soooooo...no sex? Between you and him at least.
He’s just waiting for you to break up with him. He doesn’t want to do it himself. This relationship is over, leave and find someone worth your time.
Before my wife and I dated and even 3 years into it I was living with a woman who we had both met as coworkers and were in both of us desperate need of a place (I living with parents still, her last roommate left).
You know what didn’t change when we moved in together? Our personal lives. We still went about dating people, having sex with those people at our home, ect.
Even when I was first dating my wife I would have put more time, and energy into my wife (then gf) cause there was a romantic future with her. My old roommate and I are still great friends and my wife and her get along cause they show respect to each other.
OP, your situation is not one of respect. Your BF didn’t check in nor did he care about your emotions in regards to this. The girl friend made hella rude comments to you in front of him without him defending you. I think you have your answer that you will always come second to this other woman.
If and when you break up, keep it as calm as possible and say that you don’t want to feel like you’re coming in second place to someone else and that you’ll want to be with someone willing to stick up for you as well as acknowledge your own feelings.
Just don’t be surprised if they’re posting about being in a relationship a week later.
My longterm boyfriend moved in with a girl he was very good friends with. I was uncomfortable but told not to worry. He was sleeping with her the whole time - and I suppose I always knew. Suffice to say, that relationship is done and should've been done long before that debacle.
I'm now with an incredible guy and have been for almost 8 years.
Bottom line? If you're uncomfortable and he's not willing to meet you halfway, it's time to go for your own good.
Just a couple days later, OP returned with this update.
So first of all I wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice and support, I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did.
As for an update... I texted him Thursday sometime after I made the post that I wanted to come pick up the things I have at his place Friday after work. All he replied with was "sure".
Last night after work I went to his place and when I got there I texted him that I was in the parking lot and told him to bring my stuff down. I really didn't want to deal with Faith, like at all. He eventually came downstairs with a box of my stuff.
I went there with every intention of just getting my things and walking away, not saying anything but I dunno, it was like word vomit, I couldn't stop myself and I asked him how long they've been sleeping together. He kinda laughed and said "it really doesn't matter now does it?" and I said it kinda does if he's been sleeping with both of us at the same time.
He said the night I stormed out of his place when he was sick was the first time they slept together since we've been together. I didn't ask if they've slept together before me, I feel like the way he worded his answer confirmed they have a history of hooking up, but maybe I'm reading into it.
The last thing I said to him was that he needs to figure his stuff out because no woman is going to play second to her forever. I got in my car and left without letting him respond or looking for a reaction.
It didn't feel great to know that he cheated on me, even though I kinda expected it to be honest. I think I'm somewhere between anger and indifference right now. I've deleted and blocked both of them on literally everything. I just want to move on from all this.
I know some of you are gonna say it's a lesson to be learned but all I learned from this is to make sure the next guy has no sexual history with any female friends before it becomes a relationship.
And the commenters were outraged on her behalf.
OP said faith and the boyfriend she had broke up and it was a bad break up. Wonder if her original boyfriend found out she was sleeping up with OP’s boyfriend. Something tells me it was going on longer than he claimed.
The fact he cheats on the same day after OP makes it clear she is uncomfortable and all just proves how much of a garbage person the boyfriend is. I'm happy to hear she dumped him but I still feel upset on OP's behalf.
What an AH. But he's playing himself.
If Faith isn't going to date him, then he's given up his girlfriend for a woman who isn't going to be with him and will find a guy she actually does want to date.
Here's the way I see it. Faith and the bf won't stop boinking each other but also don't work as a couple. If they did, Faith wouldn't have had a different boyfriend, and OOP's boyfriend wouldn't have dated OOP. Faith and the bf will continue to boomerang from screwing each other to "just bff's" for a long, long time. In the process, they'll hurt everyone they date.
They'll never be really happy, together or apart. OOP dodged a very twisted bullet.
Jerks like Faith and the bf are the reason people think straight men and women can’t be platonic close friends.
OOP dodged a huge bullet though I'm still mad on her behalf rn