'My boyfriend of 3 years stealthily took my 11 year old dog to a vet 80km away to be put to sleep.' UPDATED
"My boyfriend of 3 years stealthily took my 11 year old dog to a vet 80km away to be put to sleep. It was only luck I found out and got him back. BF doesn't know I have my dog back but he comes back tomorrow night."
My BF (Jay) left for a trip up the coast to help family on Friday morning. While I was at work Friday I got a phone call from one of my ex flatmates, Bob, who I lived with at uni. He thought he had my dog with him, and phoned me because someone had dropped him off to the vet surgery he worked at to be put to sleep.
Bob sent me pics and it was my Sticksy. I'd recognise him anywhere, I grew up with him and he was so close to me when I left home to study there were no questions about it, Sticksy stayed with me.
Bob kept Sticksy with him and I drove to pick him up as soon as I was out of work. Bob also showed me a phone recording he took of the vet's security camera screen, and there's no doubt in the world it's Jay dropping him off. He's even wearing the same clothes he left in this morning before I went to work.
Jay has texted me a few times today and I don't know why but I'm not confronting him about this. I'm actually scared I will utterly lose it at him. I'm running everything through my head on why he'd do this. We talked sometimes about moving north to be near his family, or overseas within a few years.
I can't believe I'm trying to find reasons for him to do what he did or reasons for me to not rip him a new one and dump everything he owns out on the front lawn and set fire to it tonight. I'm half numb and half stunned beyond rational thought. Why can't I get functionally angry here?
He texted me this morning like he normally does when he's away. I replied like normal though we're not big text talkers anyway. He asked me a couple of times if I was OK. Everything in the texts I'm trying to read into what the hell he thinks he's hiding.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
salt_and_linen 2327
Well that's terrifying. Do you have a place - a friend's maybe - where you and Sticksy can stay for a bit while you get this sorted out? And by this I mean "your new living situation" bc you really can't continue to live with the guy who just tried to kill your dog behind your back.
explodeybrain 898 (OP)
Thanks for your comment. I do, at least two coworkers would be OK with me contacting them. I want people around me when he comes back. I wish I could make sure he knows he's no longer welcome in this home nor can he come back and he's to go immediately, but I also know by bitter experience with a friend that kicking someone out of the dwelling they live is a long process.
Klutztheduck 307
It's only a long process if he makes it one. Not everyone does, not everyone knows they can. I would have your friends there, his stuff neatly in the front yard. Explain why you are kicking him out and close the door.
He could just leave with his stuff on his own because he knows he is in the wrong. Or he could call the police and they will say it is a civil matter and they will advise him to stay somewhere else for a bit to cool off.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I have a dog, Sticksy, who's 11. Yesterday morning my bf left to go up the coast to see family. He doesn't return until Sunday night. By sheer luck and nothing else, an ex flatmate of mine working at a vet clinic 80km from me called me while I was at work and asked if a dog someone had brought in to be put to sleep was my Sticksy.
It was. I had him hold Sticksy and I collected him Friday. My flatmate showed me a recording he made of security video at the vet clinic and it's definitely my ex dropping Sticksy off.
How illegal is this? I currently live in a flat that I rent, and my bf pays half but I'm the only one on the lease. I want him out asap, or I want to be out of this situation as soon as possible. What options do I not have?
A friend of mine once tried to have a violent ex removed and it took months. I want to be out of this immediately. Are my only options to move? How do I protect myself from what my bf (ex to me now though he doesn't know it yet) may do to the place I rent when I return.
I presume my landlord couldn't kick him out if I leave right away. He's never shown any weird tendencies before so maybe I'm overthinking this. My bf doesn't know I know what he did nor that I have Sticksy back.
Sorry for the scattergun of questions. I'm scatterbrained at the moment and he only returns in 20 hours or so and I don't ever want to see so much as a hair on his head again.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Not legal advice:
Keep your dog somewhere else. If he has access to him, who knows what else will happen.
...and then ask where the dog is and see how much he's going to lie about it.
NAT but in general in Australia unless he is on the lease, or you have a written tenancy agreement with him, you don't have to jump through hoops to evict him. He has very few rights.
If he is not a violent or angry guy, pack his stuff, put it outside and change the locks. Have a friend or three with you when he is expected home and make it clear he is no longer welcome.
Edited to add: you do need to notify your real estate agent/landlord about the change of locks and provide them with copies ASAP.
The next day, the OP returned with another update.
A night's sleep with good people around me helped. I phoned a workmate to see if I could go stay there with Sticksy, and she came over here for the night instead. We spoke, and we have a plan.
Thank you for the links to NSW laws, it looks like I might be in the clear with forcing my ex out. I am the renter, I am the only name on the lease, and we had no written agreement.
From my understanding he is a boarder or lodger and can be removed quickly. I'll have to clarify of course but that gives me confidence. I was freaking out because I didn't know where to start last night. My ex will be confronted with more people I know in the house backing me up.
Sticksy is also in good health. He's eleven and a bit too fat and slower than he used to be but he's fine. These photos are from early November when we visited a property out of town. He started life as a farm dog and going back made his day.
The next day, the OP returned with their final update.
He came back. He lied. I was upset and looked it. we gave him enough rope to make excuse after changing excuse. First he was shocked Sticksy was gone, and would help look for him.
Then he was shocked someone took him to a vet to be put down. Then when confronted with proof it was him, he claimed Sticksy was hit by a car and he had to end his suffering. When confronted with a live happy Sticksy he turned it around and it ended with him telling me he should have had me put down.
My coworker and her partner and I told him he was not welcome in the house any more and that they were moving in with me, and everyone in the house (and the neighbour we both get on well with who saw him return on Friday to take Sticksy) now knows what kind of person he was.
He left of his own accord and took some of his stuff. I'm no closer to knowing for sure why he tried what he did. Sorry for jamming up legal advice with this one, it wasn't much of a legal ending.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
"ended with him telling me he should have had me put down."
Did he basically just tell OP that he should have killed her? Not a native english speaker here.
That line “it ended with him telling me he should have had me put down” just makes it clear this person was trying to hurt OP in the most cruel way their twisted little mind could sort out. Despicable
My grandfather did this to my mother. She was a grown woman--he just came into our house while no one was home, took our admittedly elderly but not suffering husky, and had her put down. My mother was DEVASTATED. It's such a vicious, sociopathic thing to do. Forget anyone who does that do someone, it's so incredibly cruel.
I'm sorry but if my partner ever tried to pull something like this to my dog, I will turn into John Wick mode. Seriously eff that BF!
I would be asking for tips on how to survive prison if someone I was dating took one of my pets to be put down for no reason.