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'My ex's new girlfriend is telling me I'm causing problems in their relationship.' UPDATED

'My ex's new girlfriend is telling me I'm causing problems in their relationship.' UPDATED


Untrammeled jealousy can lead people to some wild conclusions, and once they're on the goose chase, there's no pulling them back.

In a popular post on the Relationship Advice subreddit, a woman shared how her ex's girlfriend started contacting her in anger. She wrote:

"My ex's (M31) new girlfriend (F23) is telling me I am causing problems in their relationship?"

So first off, I feel like this is absolutely insane and I'm unsure what to do. When I (f30) was 16, I met my first real boyfriend, Vince (m31), he was 17 at the time. We were together for a year and then broke up. While me and Vince definitely aren't friends, we are still friendly. The extent of our interaction is yearly "happy birthday" and "happy new year" message, along with some small talk on that occasion.

We follow each other on Instagram and sometimes like each other's pics. This is it. Nothing more. Anyway. When I was at a NYE party a few days ago I got a message from Vince saying: Hey, happy new year, I wish you all the best! To which I replied: Happy 2024, hope it treats you well!

Fast forward to this morning. I got a message on Instagram from a girl I don't know and this it what it said: "Hey OP, I am not sure you know me, but I am Vince's girlfriend. We've been together for a while now and we are very serious about each other. I see that you message him and like his pics. I would appreciate if you stop that.

We are going to get married and this sort of interactions are not appropriate anymore. I hope you understand that inserting yourself in our relationship causes turmoil and I cannot handle the stress and anxiety of it anymore, so I am kindly asking you to stop."

I was floored. I actually just started laughing. But I also got angry. She's misrepresenting things in her message. I checked out her profile. She's 23. I was a bit surprised by the age gap but whatever floats their boat I guess. She has plently of pics of them together, so it's legit, she's his girlfriend. Now, I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like this girl is imagining things.

She's claiming me liking some of Vince's pics and wishing him happy birthday is causing turmoil in their relationship, she says I am inserting myself into their relationship. Me and Vince are not close at all. I didn't even know he is in a relationship. I showed this to my fiancé and best friend. My fiancé advised I block them both and don't get involved in this drama.

Which is definitely something I'm not opposed to. But my best friend told me I should maybe just send a screenshot of this to Vince. Because maybe he knows about it so it won't be a surprise to him. But if he doesn't maybe he'd want to know his girlfriend is reaching out to his ex with some strange demands.So I don't know what to do here.

I am absolutely not going to reply to her, but... should I let Vince know she messaged me or just let it be?

People had a lot to say in response.

Relevant_Health wrote:

I had this happen. I did let my ex know because I was honestly shocked when his (then) gf did the same thing. It turned out that despite my ex and I exchanging brief messages like you and yours, my ex was telling his gf I was constantly messaging him and wanting him back.

I have no idea why, as it wasn't even remotely true. At the time, I think I'd even blocked him. Anyway, just thought I'd share for another take on things. I would let Vince know, for sure.

Odd-Ship8240 wrote:

If I was the gf I would’ve appreciated if you didn’t converse with my bf no matter how long ago it was. Put yourself in their shoes and see if you’d be okay with this. But if my bf is being entertained by this then I would simply leave. I would think it’s more of his fault than yours lol

FloMoJoeBlow wrote:

Definitely do not engage with her. Take a screen shot and send it to Vince. Just keep it neutral, along the lines of, "Hey, just wanted to share with you what Xxxx sent me. I apologize if any interaction has been misconstrued as my inserting myself into your relationship. Best regards, OP." Then let him handle. If he blocks you, so be it. If he doesn't block you, so be it.


Why is everyone telling you to talk to this guy? Why the f#$k would that matter to inform him of everything. Not your circus, nor your monkeys. Stop talking to exes. Why are you even talking to him in the first place? Just move on and don’t start drama. Sending him a screenshot IS causing drama. Everyone on this thread is dumb.

After receiving lots of responses, OP jumped on with a clarification/update:

Update (sorry this is gonna be sort of long): So I sat on this for a day or so, considering what I should do. There have been many comments pointing out how strange, insane and bad it is I stayed in contact with an ex, saying I must still have a thing for him. I honestly resent the implication, I see Vince much like a childhood friend, but some people were dead set on me being stuck on him.

Which is not necessarily bad - it just made me see lots of people see it this way, so his girlfriend might as well. So I decided to remove myself from the situation completely, I don't want to be a bad guy and a "homewrecker" in anyone's story. I blocked her on Instagram and blocked Vince as well. And I also blocked Vince on Facebook. And I thought that was it.

A week passed and I get ANOTHER message from this girl, this time on Facebook. I didn't block her there because I didn't even know her full name. This message was more hostile, now accusing me of not removing Vince from my LinkedIn connections as well. And she felt that's how I'm still trying to "keep track" of him. I almost never use LinkedIn and I completely forgot I even had him on there.

I have never spoken to anyone on LinkedIn other than a recruiter. I don't know. This made my anxiety go through the roof. I blocked her on Facebook and removed Vince from my LinkedIn connections. And this is it for now. I hope she doesn't also check his MySpace account /s

Naturally, people had thoughts about the update.

Turbulent-Yam3617 wrote:

Unblock him on everything. This is his problem not yours. Why are you jumping through hoops for this lunatic?

OP responded:

Look, I had people literally call me unhinged and saying keeping in contact with Vince is basically inviting drama in my life.At this point, I just want to be left alone. Her last message actually kind of scared me and I don't want to be anywhere near that.

eleanorlikesvodka wrote:

You need to tell Vince. This isn't your problem to fix. Show him all the messages and then tell him you want to cut contact because dealing with his girlfriend is not your responsibility. What if this girl shows up at your house next? Or your job? She sounds unhinged enough to pull that kind of s#$t.

OP responded:

That is exactly what worries me. In her last message when she mentioned LinkedIn she also implied she now knows where I work and where I "can be reached."

TitleToAI wrote:

The commenters calling OP stuck on Vince are absolutely insane.

MayBAburner wrote:

First off, I'm increasingly of the opinion that a lot of people who post on reddit, don't actually have much real world experience. Given that these people don't seem to recognize that adults can spend time with people of the gender they fancy, without it turning into sex, it makes me feel like they're telling on themselves!

I have a tendency to fire a bunch of "happy [insert annual holiday/occasion]" messages to my friends & acquaintances at certain times of year.

If the husband of a high-school friend that I text twice a year told me to butt out, I'd likely give a jovial reply along the lines of "Your wife is one of many old acquaintances I text holiday greetings - we've barely had a conversation in 20 years. If you see me as a threat to your marriage, god help you! 🤣"

At this point with her, I'd contact them both her & Vince in a group chat or email, & tell her in no uncertain terms that you're engaged, have no interest in him. Point out that you already did more than was reasonable to soothe her insecurity, & that you won't be scouring every app to block a man you barely interact with.

While people clearly disagree on how OP should handle this, it's clear that it's an uncomfortable situation all around.

Sources: Reddit
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