"My girlfriend and my brother are soulmates."
My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 7 months now. We both used to work at the same restaurant, and I asked her out. I've always felt like we were very different people, but that's what I liked about our relationship.
I feel like I'm always learning something by being around her and try my best to indulge in her interests. 3 months ago I introduced her to my family and they all seemed to like her, especially my brother (20M).
I didn't really think much of it, and was happy to see them get along since I'm very close to my brother. But I've realised over time that they just fit way better with each other. They both have the same interests in movies, books, music, sports, foods, you name it.
Although my girlfriend was hesitant at first about it, I encouraged her to go for things alone with my brother if it wasn't something I was really into. And they both had a great time.
And I know just having the same hobbies sounds trivial, but it's also their personalities. They're both very free spirited and adventurous, and I can't help but notice that they look so much happier with each other than with me.
Sometimes I feel really out of place around them, as if I'm not supposed to be there. But I swear this is not out of jealousy, I just genuinely think they're better for each other.
I love both of them, and if this is what makes them happy, then I'd rather they date each other and let me move out of their way. I'm not exactly sure how to execute this or talk about this with either of them tho. How do I go about setting them up?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Your brother shaped you as well. You apparently connect well with people like him—and like your gf. So it's no wonder she's very much into you and possibly would be less into your brother than you think.
Opposites attract, there is a reason she is attracted to OP but he fails to understand it. Just cus 2 people vibe on the same wavelenght does not mean they are couple material in fact i know several people ‘like me’ but would not date any of them because they have nothing to add to my life.
You gotta work on your self esteem. What you'll learn eventually is that someone being attracted to you is not up to you, and no one who is attracted to you is going to want to hear you try to explain why they're wrong. If you trust a partner, part of that involves trusting their judgment about being with you. Oh and stop sending them on dates, that's weird.
Five and a half months later, the OP returned with an update.
First of all, thank you to everyone who wrote nice, encouraging things and advice in my last post. I really appreciate it. I kind of got rid of this account after the post got too many views, but then randomly opened it yesterday to several messages about it being covered by SMOSH. I'm a huge fan of them btw, so this was very surprising.
Anyway, I'll cut to the chase. After writing that post, I did a lot of introspection and self-reflection. I think a lot of people caught this, but I do indeed suffer from low self-esteem and struggle with low confidence. I didn't want to acknowledge it, but it did get in the way of my relationships often.
I'm a brutally honest man, and that is exactly what I did. I was very honest about all of this to my girlfriend. I didn't tell her that I thought my brother and her were soulmates, but I told her that sometimes I feel like I can't directly connect with her because we're so different.
And what she said really changed my perspective on our relationship. She said that she loves that I'm different and compliment her in a way that completes her. She also expressed that she would want to get more involved in my hobbies.
So the past few months, we've spent time doing random things together that we individually enjoy and it's turned out great for us. She makes me really happy and I try my best to make her life better too. I've also met her family now, and they're all lovely people as well.
We still do things together with my brother, and it's also a good time. I think at the end of the day, the root of all of this was indeed my insecurity. It really wasn't about my brother, because I think I would've been insecure if it was a friend or really anyone else.
Besides, it is true that I enjoy my brother's company because of the kind of person he is, so it has made sense for me to be with someone who is similar. It attributes more to the fact that she fits really well in my life.
I've also come to realise that I was looking at this from a very trivial perspective. My girlfriend is so much more than her hobbies and interests, and there's so many other things about her that actually set her apart from other people in my life.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So glad you talked with your GF. I'm very similar to my BIL, we like the same shows, are very silly, the younger siblings in our respective families etc. I would have been driven insane if I dated him instead 😂 we are way too alike.
That's not always the best thing for a successful relationship! My husband challenges me, makes me a better person all around but also gets me on a deep level because he grew up with someone similar to me.
One of the few times I've heard someone call themselves "brutally honest" in a reddit story and approved of them being that way.
Romantic relationships are complex. That's why marrying your best friend is a nice and sweet trope, but it's not the only kind of connection you can have with someone. I love my partner, and we used to have a lot of the same interests when we were younger, but now we don't, since we both got into new hobbies and don't always hang out with the same people anymore.
I actually find it refreshing that we can share new perspectives with each other and that we continue to grow. I don't have to pretend to like escape rooms or medical TV dramas, while she doesn't have to pretend to love my sad attempts at shredding on my electric guitar 20 years too late.