'My husband is cheating on me with my BFF, I sent him screenshots of his convo with her.' UPDATED

Finding out a partner is cheating can be deeply shattering, how you respond, is entirely situational. But outside opinions can sometimes help you stand strong in your convictions.

In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a woman shared the saga of discovering her husband cheated. She wrote:

"My husband is cheating on me with my best friend. I sent him screenshots of his conversation with her AND my conversation with the tinder guy I’m meeting on Friday."

I (F29) had to move for a few months to a different city for my studies. I moved in September and I will stay here until June. My sister called me to say that she saw him with my best friend. We wouldn’t have thought anything about it if my sister didn’t say that she had the sense that they looked caught. I logged into his phone. I saw the texts including the ones discussing the interaction with my sister.

I sent him all the screenshots. I also made Tinder account and started talking with a guy. We got flirty and planned to meet on Friday and I took screenshots and sent them to my husband too. He has been calling and texting me since yesterday. "Please baby don’t do it," he said. But I don’t think I hurt him as much as he hurt me.

Redditors had a lot of thoughts.

newusernamebcimdumb wrote:

I think if you plan on divorcing you’ll have more of a leg to stand on if you don’t provide evidence of your Friday tryst. Totally get it in an emotional level though. Sorry this is happening, devastating.

Ozammy wrote:

Just beware that you'll never hurt him like he hurt you. He doesn't love you or respect you, if he did, he wouldn't have cheated with YOUR friend. I understand that you want to hurt him. The best way is to not let him know ANYTHING of what you're doing. THAT will kill him. Make sure you do respect yourself. Stick to doing things that show self love and respect.

DimTimfromKew wrote:

Once you have done it, tell him all about how better Tinder guy was and that the Divorce papers will be sent to him shortly. Then tell your ex-BFF to enjoy your soon to be ex. And go and have some fun OP.

And OP responded:

I will definitely send him the post nut texts.

I will deal with bff after Friday. I don’t want distractions now.

gidgetcocoa2 wrote:

Well, not a chess move I'd make, but this is your game. Play anyway you'd like. No one is going through this but yall, and no one can tell you how to feel, what to think, or how you should react. The high road is overrated.

Chart-trader wrote:

They are all talking bulls#$t. You can file for divorce in all 50 states. Go for your date but stay safe! And your friend stinks.

A few days later, OP jumped on with a major update.

Here is my update.

I have found out more about the cheating and I guess my husband thought an explanation would make it better in any way. It just ended up making it worse. Much much worse.

Of course I haven’t spoken to him in person because that is what he wants and that is what I won’t give him. I have just been reading his frantic messages that he’s been sending me because I don’t pick up. I live in another city for my last semester of school. It was something that we both believed “we can manage” and let’s face it. Real couples who share real love do manage it.

I visit home every other weekend and he comes here every other weekend. The weeks that I only have lectures that don’t require physical presence I stay with him and do them online. I knew it was going to be hard. Because it is hard to be apart from your loved one. But never did I think that he would cheat and use being “lonely” and missing me as an excuse but that was his excuse.

That this was harder than he expected and that he missed me all the time. He met my best friend on coincidence one day and he lamented how much he missed me and hated being apart and she was supportive and understanding. Then it happened. All because he missed me.

Can you imagine leaving your home and the people you know and love to be stuck in a city where you don’t know anyone and have no family and friends and read your husband make that excuse? I called my best friend’s husband on Friday and told him everything. I wanted to know everything before I ruined another marriage especially because she and her husband have two children.

I apologized to him and told him that I wasn’t sure if he wanted to know or not but that he would probably eventually hear about it and maybe it is better that he heard it from me rather than gossipy acquaintances. He was shocked and devastated but he thanked me. We ended up talking for 4 hours trying to remember if we missed any red flags and how stupid we must’ve been not noticing any.

I have heard that he has moved out with his children. The only text I got from her was that I was vindictive and not to worry. Her husband loves her and that I didn’t succeed in my revenge. I have been living in an airbnb these past few days because I knew that my husband would try to visit me and I was right. He is currently in my apartment. I ended up meeting the tinder guy for drinks.

He knows that I am “newly single” and only in town for a few months and that I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I shared a picture of our drinks on insta story and made sure that his arm showed. My phone went mental with texts and calls from my husband (over 100 calls and 100 texts). To be honest I felt that I needed to meet someone to talk to anyway.

While I know a few people here I don’t really have any friends so it was nice to just meet and talk to someone. He is very good looking too so I will definitely keep in touch and he texted me yesterday about meeting again. So nothing happened on Friday eventually it will.

I know that I will never hurt my husband the way he hurt me because I don’t believe he ever loved me like I loved him. He hurt me because I love him. I hurt him because he loves himself.

People had a lot of strong responses to the update.

onetrickpony4u wrote:

Don't ever go back to your husband and your ex bf is a POS too. I hope her husband divorces her.

OP responded:

He will. I have heard the gossip and he actually spilled all the tea. He doesn’t think she is worth saving a marriage for 🤭☕️

ayymahi wrote:

I hope your ex best friend's husband leaves her. Hopefully she ends up with your sh#$ty ex, so they don’t go ruining more marriages.

OP responded:

I don’t know if they end up together or not. It would rid the world of two AHs if they ended up together and stop hurting others

Dear_Parsnip_6802 wrote:

That will be the best revenge. No proper closure for him will eat away at him and his ego. When you heal be sure to enjoy your new found freedom. I wish you luck and happiness 😊

And OP responded:

Thanks ❤️ I will be subleasing a new apartment and he can’t find my new address online because the lease is not in my name. When I’m finished with school I will start looking for a place to buy. Since we have no children together I will never have to see him again.

HellhoundsAteMyBaby wrote:

True, but he can meekly surrender or drag you through an ugly court process and waste your time and money and energy on lawyers and legal fees, all to end up with the same result. I would wait to have those papers signed before he turns angry and vengeful. The guy you thought you knew doesn’t exist anymore- there’s no telling what he might do to get back at you.

OP responded:

We don’t have children and only an apartment and some savings. There is no dragging the divorce either.

Simple_Carpet_9946 wrote:

Who knows if you don’t end up with tinder guy? You’re young and it looks like going home will be harder.

OP responded:

I wont end up with him no because he lives here and I will be moving when I’m finished with my education. And he doesn’t want a new relationship because he has two children and newly divorced too so he doesn’t want a new woman in the children’s life which is just adorable.

BUT I have no doubt we will see each other again. I didn’t sleep with him on Friday because I realized that I wanted to have sex for my own sake not for revenge plus it was enough that my husband thinks I did.

ravenlyran wrote:

Good! Damn, that me fact that she said that your vindictive and to not worry, that HER husband loves HER? Psycho, I would screen shot that and send that to her ex-husband just to reinforce that she knew what she was doing….

OP responded:

I don’t think her husband will take her back, not the way he talked anyway. We talked for hours and he was very hurt and he talked about his parents and upbringing. I was crying the whole time for him and the children (I’m the godmother for her daughter).

Even if they stayed together, my purpose was not to ruin her relationship. Her husband needed to know and make informed decision because he is a victim in this too.

Hopefully, once she's healed from the heartbreak, OP can begin a new season that outshadows any time with her husband.