'My neighbor told me a woman has been visiting my BF when I'm gone.' UPDATED
"My (22F) neighbor (70sF) told me about a woman (20sF) visiting my boyfriend (22M) when I'm gone."
Been together with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he moved in with me last year. I was already living here for a year or so, and developed a friendship with my lovely neighbor. She's retired and a really sweet lady, she basically knows everyone in the neighborhood and sits at home most of the day.
Today she came up to me and said that she had something to tell me, but that I shouldn't get mad at her. I told her I would never get angry with her and to go ahead. She said that when I've been gone (probably a late shift or when I'm visiting someone idk) she has seen a woman come into my house and leave before I come back.
I pressed her for more details and she said that as far as she knows she's seen her come by 3 times, and that she thought I should know. When she leaves she hugs/kisses my boyfriend and she believes she stays for at least an hour or two. Got some generic details from her appearance but nothing specific.
Of course all alarm bells are going off in my head. There are no signs my boyfriend is cheating and we've talked about how we would rather end things instead. He did start working overtime more but I have a friend at his company who talked about this too and he's bringing in bigger paychecks so that adds up. I don't want to jump to conclusions.
How do I approach this. What do I do and how do I confront my boyfriend. I don't know anything for sure and it could be anything at this point. I'm really freaking out right now.
This is what people had to say to OP:
CampusTour 1813 said:
1.) "Hey, who's your friend that visits while I'm gone?"
2.) "I know about the other woman you're seeing. You have one chance to sit down, right here, right now, and come clean 100 percent, otherwise, you're moving out, and you're moving out now. One lie, one omission, and you're gone."
If you in any way fear his reaction, or plan on throwing him out anyway, I'd have a few friends on standby.
ibelieveinkarma 311 said:
Give neighbor your number. Ask her to call you when she sees the visitor. What if she is seeing you going to work not realizing its you..
OP responded:
She would definitely recognize me and the woman has a different hair color so I know for sure it's someone else. I don't have enough patience for this option though, it's eating me alive.
TheChoochLord 231 said:
Do the crazy thing and install hidden cameras
OP responded:
This is pretty useful, thanks. I think I'm going with number 1 and work towards 2 if it doesn't check out. I'm confronting him tomorrow.
And frockofseagulls 123 said:
Just be direct. Don’t play a bunch of games. Sit down with him and tell him what happened. “Mary said she’s being seeing a strange woman here when I’m at work. I believe her. What’s going on?” Then decide what to do from there. He’ll either confess or lie, and you’ll know what to do. Be strong.
Three days later, OP shared this update:
I almost didn't make this post because I feel so stupid, but there were so many people who wanted an update so why not. Thanks to everyone who gave advice last time.
The next morning I decided to confront my boyfriend. I wanted the truth from him, I was very upset to say the least. So I asked him who the woman was that was coming over when I was gone. He looked kind of confused, and then started chuckling. I asked him why he was laughing, and that I wasn't joking around.
He's been preparing to propose to me and one of my best friends came over to look at rings and talk about how and where he should do it. I felt really guilty for assuming that he was cheating, but even he admitted that it didn't look very good. He showed me some of the plans they had made and the texts between them, but that he is going to change things up now that I know.
I kind of ruined ruined the surprise, but oh well. I called my friend afterwards and she couldn't believe what happened and we shared a few laughs. He's been working overtime to get me a ring and I don't know how I missed all the signs. She only came over twice so I guess my neighbor is not that sharp anymore, lol.
Looking back it all makes so much sense. My friend has been low-key asking about getting engaged, what kind of ring I would like etc. I feel really stupid and bad for assuming the worst, but my boyfriend doesn't hold it against me and said he would probably have handled it the same way.
I'm SO happy that we're cool now, the thought of cheating was so tough on me I already called in sick Monday. For anyone wondering, I already told him I'm going to say yes :)