Woman's fiancé ignores her for not saying 'I love you;' she ends up in hospital. AITA?
"AITA for not apologizing to my fiancé during a medical emergency??"
I (24f) and my fiancé (24m) were on a road trip to the Midwest, and for a bit of background we stopped in Iowa to visit an old high school friend of his who we will call T. In the past it wasn’t uncommon for me to have UTIs frequently and on this trip I forgot my medication.
Earlier in the day I felt some discomfort and recognized what was happening and did the usual drink lots of water, heating pad, and any other at home remedies. While hanging out with my fiancé, T, and T’s girlfriend we started up conversation and without me noticing my fiancé said “I love you”, but I didn’t hear it.
I felt a bit more uncomfortable later on in the conversation and the abdominal pain got worse so everyone left the room except for my fiancé.
He was watching TikTok’s and as I tried to talk to him he kept ignoring me, wouldn’t make eye contact, and every time he would say something it would be one word. I was trying to get his attention because something seriously felt wrong.
Soon I was on the floor, crouched over, feeling lightheaded, nauseated, and trying to text one of my friends who works as an ICU nurse. I felt very weak and could barely lift my head up. My fiancé is still ignoring me and now it’s been about 25 minutes of me struggling to get his attention just being 5 feet away.
Finally, he tells me that he’s mad at me and that he knows I can guess why. I truly had no clue what was going on. He erupts and says I ignored him when he said “I love you” and he doesn’t want to be around someone who won’t say it back.
He told me he has no problem finding another way getting back home and I can go make the 13 hour drive back alone. I tried to reassure him saying I love you ect but he wouldn’t budge. At this point I’m going in and out of consciousness.
T comes in and sees me on the floor slumped over and asks if I’m okay. My fiancé answers before I can and tells him and says everything is fine. T questions him again and asks if he’s hiding anything, my fiancé declines.
Once T left the room my fiancé finally comes over to me and tries to carry me to the bathroom so I’ll throw up in the toilet. Carries me back over to the bedroom and tucks me in, then goes into the living room to drink beer and watch the game with his friends. T comes in the bedroom and finds me not responsive. I’m taken to the hospital.
Found out the UTI made its way up to my kidneys. My fiancé said he thought I was just faking to get out of the argument and said if I just said sorry it wouldn’t have gotten to that point. I barely remember the discussion and I’m going off of his memory.
I do feel bad for not hearing him say I love you but I’m upset he didn’t look after me when I wasn’t okay and needed help. I’m not sure if I’m being a tad narcissistic here, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
VarnishedTruths
NTA NTA NTA! Why would you marry someone who's willing to leave you to die because his fee-fees are hurt?
The OP then responded:
ThrowRa122344338919
Yeah.. I feel a bit angry how he handled things but wasn’t sure if my feelings were valid.
Ok_Professional_3581
UTIs frequently can be caused by your partner.
prosperosniece
I was thinking the same thing. Wouldn’t surprise me if OP’s UTI’s stop once she breaks up with fiancé.
Gingerinotrio
Even if you weren't having a medical emergency, it would be a huge red flag for your fiancé to ignore you because you didn't respond to something they said.
NTA. And you wouldn't be one even if you had been well. Please, please, please, consider if you want your marriage to look like that. There either needs to be a lot of work done or you need to get out.
CymruB
It’s telling that the friend felt there was something wrong and knew there was something wrong with Fiancé’s energy. This was a bad situation OP.
CrabbiestAsp
NTA. Me and my hubby don't hear each other say I love you all the time. The way your fiance has acted is disgusting. He behaved like a child.
moreKEYTAR
This incident is so disturbing. The fact he said OP was just trying to get attention makes my blood run cold. It is not just being dismissive and selfish…there is an underlying distrust and almost hatred underneath that sentiment.
And there is so much to call out in this post besides that: waving off T and preventing him from helping her, silent treatment, pettiness, insecurity, inability to discuss his hurt feelings, jumping to conclusions… OP, he is NOT a catch. And I don’t think you should marry anyone (let alone him) until you can have better boundaries about acceptable behavior. Protect thyself!
Safe_Ad_7777
NTA 100 times. Your fiance is TA. He acts like THAT because you missed a single "I love you"?? Instead of using his words like a grown up, just says "You know what you did" when obviously you don't? It's left to a near stranger to notice you're having a medical emergency? He says the whole thing is your fault? And you wonder if YOU'RE narcissistic???
My love, this is a very VERY big red flag, and I doubt it's the first one. He's actually got you believing you might be in the wrong here, which is plain bonkers. Please, please rethink this relationship very carefully. Google emotional abuse. Talk to trusted friends. You deserve so much better than walking on eggshells every day.
No_Noise_5733
Big red flag . You ended up in hospital because of his total disregard. He knows your past history and actively CHOSE to.let you suffer plus lied to his friend. Your kidneys could have been seriously damaged and he wants I love you. He belongs in a kindergarden.