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OP tricked into thinking BF cheated; he says he's married now but she wants him back. BOTH POST

OP tricked into thinking BF cheated; he says he's married now but she wants him back. BOTH POST

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"My (29F) girlfriends tricked me into breaking up with the one that got away (30M) eight years ago. I have an opportunity to reconnect with him now, should I?"

I knew Bo(not real name, 30M) since we were both 11 years old. We both grew up in a small town, and our families were neighbors and became very close friends. We were the next door neighbor best friends that started dating in our junior year of high school.

He took me to prom, to homecoming dance, and we both picked a college that was in the state that had majors we were both interested in.

Him, I, our families, friends, our preacher, everyone expected us to get married when we went off to college. The college we went to was three hours from our town, and it was closer to a major city in our state(about half an hour from the big city), and it was a bit of a culture shock for the two of us.

Bo had issues at first making new friends, but I sort of jived with the gals in class. My new friends didn't think much of Bo. They kept telling me I could do better than Bo.

They thought Bo was slow-witted(he's not; he's just shy with new people). They thought he was too religious(he never was in their faces; he asked only once if they could recommend a church in the area). They said Bo would just pull me back down to our small town, anchor me with children, and we'd both be stuck as hicks.

It reached the boiling point on my 21st birthday. Two of my girlfriends came to me claiming they saw Bo cheating on me. They were stone-faced, they kept to their stories, and I foolishly believed them. I confronted Bo and started screaming at him.

Bo didn't apologize, he didn't beg and plead. Instead, he got cold and mad. He said that he never trusted my friends, that they were playing me, and he thought I was better than this.

I didn't believe him and I let him walk away. He promised that if I took their word without even looking at them critically, that we were over. And, he kept his word. From that day, he wouldn't even look at me. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't acknowledge I existed. For the rest of college, he never dated anyone. He just worked, went to class, and graduated early.

My friends, they set me up on a ton of dates. I had a bit of a wild college ride, something I am a bit ashamed of now, honestly. Once I graduated, I tried to get established in life, but my college friends, they kept just wanting to hang out, chill, or party. It honestly got tiring, and I couldn't believe I would have the to energy to do this for nearly 4 years while getting an education!

It was when I was 23 that one of the girls called me a stick in the mud and said something along the lines of 'I can't believe we went through the effort of breaking you up with Bo if you were just going to become a wallflower!' I couldn't believe it. She went into detail about how easy it was, and I felt disgusted.

I didn't give Bo another thought after the break-up. I thought he was a cheater, and I told my family, who told his family and it strained his relationship with his mom for many years. But after that point, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I told my family the truth about what happened with Bo. This apparently helped repair the relationship Bo had with his mother.

Apparently, Bo's mom liked me quite a bit, and she went out of her way to sabotage Bo's relationships with any girl he brought over to meet the parents. My mom said Bo's mom did it very discreetly, but after finding out the truth, Bo's mom came clean and Bo nearly cut her out of his life. She apparently begged and pleaded, and was able to eventually work it out from there.

I have many unfinished drafts of emails to Bo; some saying I wish to catch up, others begging for forgiveness and pleading for him to come back to me. But any news I got on Bo after the blow up with his mom has been sparse. Bo doesn't do social media, and I had no idea where he lived.

I found out this year that Bo has been married for three years, and has a two year old son. He has moved back to our home town, and I saw him at the grocery store when I went to visit my parents two weeks ago. He didn't see me, or at least I think he didn't. But, there he was with his wife and child and I instantly felt a swirl of emotions. Jealously, rage, regret, depression.

Even now seeing him with his full family, I still want to beg him for a chance, which makes me feel awful, but at the same time I feel like I should at least say my piece. I talked to my mom about it, and all she said was 'The chicken's come home to roost. Don't make trouble for Bo.'

I just know that if I can't talk to Bo one last time, I will regret it for the rest of my life. What do I do? Should I contact Bo?

The OP edited in the same post to add more information:

'Hi Bo, it's me, Amy! I know it's been years since we talked, and I wanted to apologize for how we broke up. I also want to apologize for how it spread back to our families. I know now that Tracy and Stephanie were hellbent on breaking us up anyway they could, and I can't begin to apologize for the hurt it has caused you.

I'll be back in town in a few weeks and was wondering if we could have a coffee and catch up. I want to know what's been going on with you in your life.'

'This morning I got a reply from Bo.'

'Amy, I want you to know that I have forgiven you years ago. I hope you are doing well, but I would have to say no to coffee or catching up. My wife and I have a strict rule that neither of us hang out with exes. I hope you understand.'

I tried emailing him to say he could for sure bring his wife with him, but he's not replied since. I guess you were right, there was no chance to reconnect.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

sanguinare12

'I found out this year that Bo has been married for three years, and has a two year old son.'

And that's where you need to leave it. Seriously. He's had people on both sides sabotaging his relationships for so long. Your friends, his mom... and at this point your desire to seek another go with him will be more of the same. He's married, he's settled, he has a family. While shit happened, there's no undoing it and at this point you must deal.

Roadgoddess

Leave……him……alone! Anything you would do would be strictly for your own gratification. You Everyone around him spent so much time messing up his life, just leave him alone. You need to go to counselling and work on dealing with the ramifications for your actions.

whomever608

'I have an opportunity to reconnect' how do you figure? Because I don't think that you do.

Correct_Math_296

This. OP, I don’t think that word means what you think it means. Also, you know exactly why you “believed” your friends flimsy accusations and so does your ex. Leave this family alone.

4 days later, we found a post from the OP's ex Bo regarding this interaction:

ThrowRA_joetastic

Posted elsewhere, but was told to post here instead since it involves familiar relationships. Lurker, posted on a throwaway. When I was young, I had a girlfriend that was my best friend long before we dated. We had a break-up midway through college where she said some vile things to me. It was hard, but I made it a choice to walk away.

I became the butt-end of the joke after the break-up, and honestly the mocking and teasing I got from other students in college was enough that I fast tracked my way to a degree, much to the detriment to my health. Seeing how she moved on quickly made me question our childhood friendship too, so there was that.

It took a few years and I moved on with my life. Got married just a few years ago and have a son. About a month ago, my ex emailed me with an apology over the break-up and asking if we could catch up. I thanked her for the apology, but said that I think meeting up is not a good idea. Since then, she's been emailing me every few days.

Both our families are friends, and my younger sister has been pressuring me to give my ex a face-to-face for 'closure'. No one else in my family is so insistent. My sister, when we were younger, looked up to my ex as an 'older sister', but last I heard it's been years since they talked. One thing is for sure, I don't want to talk to my ex, but I also want to keep my relationship with my sister.

How do you suggest I navigate my relationship with my sister?

ETA: My wife saw every email as they came in. Nothing was hidden from her. I blocked the ex this morning, and my wife is a little bummed out because she was enjoying reading my ex's emails and how strange they were. I shared the thread with my sister; no response yet.

And someone found a thread on reddit that has a lot of details similar to my ex. I'm 50/50 if it's her, but it reads way too unhinged to be the woman I once knew, plus some details are off. But some Redditors think it was for plausible deniability. The poster messaged me and it might be her. I can't imagine she's this unhinged.

A second edit arrived a day later:

My sister

My sister read the thread and read the other post that I'm still 50/50 being the ex(it feels too unhinged which is what makes me not sure, plus some of the details). First off, my sister said she has cut my ex off.

She thought that a final conversation was good etiquette with old friends, even if they chose to not be friends. After reading the other post, which my sister is also 50/50 on, she said 'even if it's not her, it's close enough that I'm freaked'.

She never really understood my pain from that situation, since I was pretty bottled up about it while it was happening. I didn't set ultimatums to cut off family members back then and maybe I should have. Might have saved some pain. I did get apologies as well. We're good now.

The Other Redditor

To clarify - I blocked the woman that posted the other thread, since she seemed unhinged, even if she was or wasn't the ex. The details seemed off too.

The details

Our hometown isn't a major metropolitan area, but I wouldn't say we were hicks or rednecks. We certainly didn't grow up in the boonies. We grew up in the suburbs. If anything, I think the college was in a town that technically had a smaller population than our hometown.

Yes, I do go to church, but I never mention it since religion could be a hot button topic to people you just met, and even back then there was Google. I wouldn't ask where a church was in a new town.

Both emails she posted, the gist is the same? But the formatting is different.

The Break-up

I didn't like my ex's college friends, that is true, but the 'confrontation' was not me being some stone-faced terminator. I was angry-crying throughout it. And it was emotionally draining. She first said she heard I was making out with some girl.

I asked when and with who. She said she didn't know. I asked who saw it. She said 'Wouldn't you like to know?' Any attempt to say where I was when this happened was her claiming I was 'gaslighting' her. It. was. EXHAUSTING.

I said something like I didn't like what college was turning her into and we both shouted we were done. More or less. It was almost a decade ago, and like I said, it was emotionally exhausting. She immediately was seen with this other dude, who seemed to enjoy humiliating me.

Rumors spread about either/both of us cheating, and other dude even said that I watched once, which was humiliating. He one time even put his hand on my shoulder all buddy-buddy going 'No hard feelings'.

I was living in the dorms, my parents put money on a food plan at the dining hall, so I had to stay on campus when I wasn't working. I signed up for extra courses whenever I could and fast-tracked my way to a degree to get out of hell.

My family

My mother did take my ex's side. I don't know what type of story she got, and she never confronted me about it. I did get disapproving looks at Thanksgiving and Christmas. And she never approved of any girl I brought over for a while either.

My mom did call me a few years ago apologizing for not even asking my side of the story and said that my ex was dead to her, so that part of the other post kind of lines up.

My mother has made a considerable amounts of effort to fix our relationship. She's very welcoming to my wife and child, she doesn't even utter the name of my ex in the house. We're not at 100%, but she's making the effort.

My Wife

My wife saw every email from my ex. Nothing was ever hidden from her. My wife and I were both 100% against going to meet the ex, together or separate. She was enjoying reading the ex's emails, but understood when the fun had to stop. So for now, I think this is a happy ending?

Here were the top rated from comments after reading the likely ex's side of the story:

Kcoin

Just the fact that she wanted a married man to “give her a second chance” means she’s not mature enough yet to deserve a Bo.

R011_5af3_yeah

Believing friends with literally no proof or asking questions was it for me. I wouldn't get back with her if she was Cleopatra.

cageytalker

I identify with Bo’s wife. I would be all over those emails cause I’m petty. But clearly Amy is off her rocker so sometimes the fun must come to an end. Just hope it doesn’t end up with a bunny boiler.

Toni164

What is with the people in Bo’s life sabotaging his relationships ? And i hope op can move on.

Stephenallen1977

OP: 'I accused you of cheating on flimsy evidence, tarnishing your reputation, caused major family issues, and then screwed every man I could find. You moved on, got married and have a child. But I might still have a chance?' Please.

Odd_Welcome7940

She literally only saw everything from her side. She then ruined his life and moved on just concerned about her. She then realized she was wrong, and her first thought was what she lost. Then, she was willing to ruin a family.

What a terrible, self-centered, and narcissistic woman. I genuinely hope no good man ever gives her a chance. This dude seems like a great guy surrounded by nothing but narcissistic women. I am amazed he has the calm, fair, and decent nature he has. His mom is terrible, his ex is a nightmare, and his sister isn't much better if she is at all. Poor guy.

So, do you think this couple's time has passed and she needs to just let it go or could they have a chance to rekindle what they once had?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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