On Reddit's Am I the A**hole, there's never a ceiling on family drama. In a viral post from this morning, a woman writes in about the long-lasting family feud between her brother and parents — rather than let it simmer, she couldn't help but stir the pot a little bit. She writes:
AITA for telling my brother he's wrong to hold a grudge over our parents kicking him out eight years ago?
My (20F) brother (26M) got kicked out by our parents at 18 because he dropped out of high school and refused to work. Our parents gave him three days after his birthday to leave, and told him not to contact them for money or to ask them to change their minds.
He didn't contact us for four years, which is when he had my niece, and told our parents they'd never get to meet her.
He kept his word, and to this day our parents have never met their granddaughter. He had contact with me though, he'd pick me up to visit sometimes, but that stopped when I was 18 and still said I supported what my parents did.
He's married now, and he does welding or something along those lines, So I think getting kicked out was the best thing that could've happened to him.
To this day he has never said a word to our parents, and has told my niece that they're dead. He refuses to attend any family gathering if they're there, and never brings his family. He makes post online about how parents who kick their kids out at 18 are terrible, and how he'll never do the same.
I had enough of him disrespecting the people who took care of him, so I went over there to 'visit' and lost it at him. I said he deserved to get kicked out for being a lazy freeloading brat, and his daughter wouldn't exist if he hadn't been.
I accused him of hating our parents for being right more than he loves his daughter. He told me to get out and not come back, and said that I'm just like our parents.
I don't think I was wrong, but my BF said that I'm rubbing salt in the wound, and making things worse for no reason.
Does it feel a little like a side-drama compared to the main event? Well, this is what we've got.
I mean. In this day and age needing to find a place to live at 18 is unreasonable. A lot of 25 year olds today are still living at home because the economy is sh*t. YTA for telling your brother how to feel about his parents kicking him out when he was just a teen. 3 days is no time at all to find a job or anything. He could’ve been guided in a way that would’ve been more beneficial.
I don't know the full story. What I see is a kid who got kicked out of his parents home at the age of 18 for being challenging. And with three days notice, and your parents are the ones who said to not contact them for money or to change their minds.
So, on that count, he respected their wishes. He's not contacting them. Your parents are the ones who changed their minds, and he's supposed to come back full of forgiveness? And since you think being kicked out and losing contact with your parents was the best thing that could've happened to him, he's just carrying that forward now, isn't he.
Even if I believe everything you wrote about him, he deserved better. And you can't blame him for cutting off contact with the people who threw him out. And, you shouldn't be surprised when he cuts contact with the person who agrees with what happened.
And remember how I said I don't know the full story. You were 12 when he got thrown out. I bet there's a lot you don't know either. And since then? Your parents have been feeding you whatever bullshit they tell themselves to be able to sleep at night.
Your BF is right, and YTA
YTA. If your brother is smart, he'll just keep his parents AND his toxic sister out of his life and the life of his kid permanently.
And for the record, your parents didn't do anything generous for giving him a place to live until he was 18. They did the bare minimum at best.
YTA. You called him 'a lazy freeloading brat'. He was barely an adult legally and then got thrown out in the cold. Parents are supposed to take care of and support their children.
If we focus on that the parents are supposed to support of their children at least until they're 18, your brother was 'freeloading' exactly 3 days before being kicked out. It sounds like you are just listening and copying the toxic stuff your parents have been saying.
YTA. You do not know what happened as you were only 12 when it happened. you do not know the details, were not privy to everything going on at that time in his life for you to have any opinion on what he feels and why he feels that about your parents.
Stick to your own lane and stay out of it. As of now you just got yourself kicked out of your niece's life and deservedly so.
YTA. He's allowed to hold grudges for whatever he wants, and his parents are not entitled to his time nor his own family.
Also, they didn't 'take care' of him for 18 years, they bore the responsibility of having a child for 18 years, they brought him into the world without consent, he owes them nothing for that time. You're free to disagree with him, but going over there to start a scene is crossing a line.