Man demands paternity test; says 'timeline doesn't add up, I was in jail.' CONCLUDED
"My 37F partner 36M wants a paternity test and I'm devastated."
I 37(f) just had a beautiful daughter with my partner 36(m) last Tuesday. She is perfect and we absolutely adore her. My partner is so happy and was very supportive during pregnancy and labor. Everything was perfect or so I thought.
We have only been together for 18 months and things moved quickly for us. We started living together after only 3 months and have been inseparable since. Even working in the same factory together until I went on maternity leave.
My partner and I are both recovering addicts. I have 3 years and he has 2 1/2 years sober. We have completely turned our lives around and have the life I never thought possible. There has never been cheating on either side but yes there can be some jealousy issues.
Now that you have some history here is the problem..we came home from the hospital Friday and I was exhausted so he took the baby while I slept. When I wake up he says, 'you know I love you right?'
I immediately get worried. Then he says he wants a DNA test because he counted the days and, when I got pregnant he was in jail. (he is still on probation and was driving without a license). This is not true. I got pregnant 2 months after he got home and the cherry on top is we were actively trying to have a baby.
I'm absolutely devastated and automatically felt different about him. I was tired and emotional so I just cried. He is saying he doesn't trust me and I am angry now. We went yesterday to take the test and he paid $200.
I'm not working and that's money we need. Our baby has jet black hair and he has blonde hair and blue eyes. Mine is dirty blonde. He says he just wants to be sure and has issues because of past relationships.
I feel lost and unsure if i will ever feel the same about him. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because I am embarrassed, so I came here. Thank you for any advice. Sorry if this is too long.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Heisman1481
If he did the math. And he was in jail during that time and you said you got pregnant two months after he got out then someone’s math is clearly wrong. Y’all shouldn’t be that far apart on mathed out time.
lonelyhrtsclubband
My best guess is that he subtracted 40 weeks from the due date without realizing that weeks 1 and 2 are before ovulation, but even then it would only be 2 weeks off, not 2 months off. Something ain’t right on that math.
bayleebugs
Another discrepancy in the timing could be if she came early. If he's going by birth date and not due date he could be getting extra time aswell.
zookeepng
My sister was born with black hair and now she is natural blonde, hair color is weird.
mahamagee
Our baby had jet black hair for the first 6 months and is now the exact same shade of dirty blonde as me. She also has blue eyes, despite me and husband having green. Genetics are weird.
BadBookBitch
With your mutual history of addiction and traumas that likely led to said addiction, along with his questionable judgment (re driving without a license while on probation), it’s unsurprising he doesn’t trust you.
My guess is the life you’ve both lived in the past was not conducive to building trust. If you’re truly in a great place otherwise and you’ve turned your lives around together, give him the benefit of the doubt and try to move on from it, for the sake of your baby, once you get the results. If he continues to have trust issues, try therapy before moving on.
Also, men are notoriously bad at pregnancy math.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update:
WarningIntelligent25
Hello everyone, I decided to make another post. Hopefully it works if not you can find my first post in my profile. Also, I'm trying to feed the baby and using my phone so forgive any mistakes. So the results are in and 'YOU ARE THE FATHER'... LOL sorry couldn't resist.
Obviously I'm not surprised and it felt really good to be right. We found out right before he was going to work and plan to talk about it this weekend. After he left he called and said please marry me. This is something we have wanted to do but didn't have the money for.
I do want to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. Posting on here really let me look at the situation from so many angles. Most people said therapy or leave him but there were a lot of great and helpful comments in there. Thank you everyone I am grateful for all the advice.
I have decided to move past this because he never treated me and my daughter any differently, he has provided everything we need, this is the first real issue we have had. I do believe that a DNA test should be standard, then no one has to get their feelings hurt.
He says he trusts me and, other than this, his actions have shown that and I could see it was very hard for him to ask when he could have done it without me knowing. Relationships take work and understanding.
We still have a lot to work on and I lost trust in him over this. Now, if this sort of behavior continues, then that's a whole other story. So thx again and if anyone has any questions I will answer.
Here were the top rated comments after the latest update from the OP:
Slytherin125
So your boyfriend accused you of cheating on him but it's fine because the baby is his, an now you're fine with just marrying him after he accused you of being a cheater, yeah this is going to end real well, what are you going to do the next time he accuses you of cheating.
Similar-Shame7517
Wait, they're both recovering addicts? And he was in jail less than a year ago? Oooh girl, this is not yet over.
David_Apollonius
Also, they moved in together after 3 months and she got pregnant after 9 months. They got a DNA test they couldn't afford because dad couldn't count.
They are so ready for kids.
Solid_Chemist_3485
And then this dude “proposes” over the phone? So cheap and weak.
Rokeon
I need an explanation of what kind of gestation lengths they're both using. He's got conception worked out to the day but her math is different by two months?
eknowles
My guess is that he's bad at math. Most 1st born babies are born after their due date. He sees 40+ weeks, thinks 4 weeks a month, and goes back 10 months.
She is thinking about her menstrual cycle and ovulation and knows that the 40 week starts counting at her last period. So she ovulated 2-3 weeks after that and had sex sometime after that. She said they were trying so it's likely she was tracking her cycles. She ends up going back to 8 months.