My (24F) husband (31M) and I have three children, our sons look exactly like him (dark skin and dark eyes and hair) but our daughter doesn't.
She looks exactly like my great grandparents (really pale, blonde and green eyed), but apparently he didn't think it was possible that our daughter could look like my great grandparents, and from the moment he saw her he told me he wanted a paternity test.
At first I refused because I felt it was humiliating and because I didn't think it was necessary because I never cheated on him and I hoped he would trust me but he didn't and for the first two months of our daughter's life he made my life hell.
He didn't want to hold her even if she cried desperately while I was doing something else, he never woke up at night to help me with her, he never helped me with anything and that hurt me so much because with our boys he was completely different.
He helped me all the time with absolutely everything and he was always there for me after giving birth, but this time he left me alone and it was the worst experience of my life. I have no family here and his entire family from the moment they saw my daughter turned their backs on me, I don't have any friends here either so it was just my daughter and me.
She is a colicky baby so it was very difficult for me to do everything alone and on top of that help with our sons.
I decided to do the paternity test because one day his entire family came to our house to celebrate my son's birthday and no one spoke to me and they didn't want to include my daughter in the photos that my in laws took of all the grandchildren.
So I knew it was stupid to keep waiting for them to come to their senses.
Well, the paternity test came back positive and everyone was shocked and of course they felt guilty for not having believed in me. Everyone apologized and my husband even cried when he held our daughter in his arms for the first time and I know that his apologies were genuine and that's why I forgave him but I don't know if I can forgive his family.
They treated me really badly and said horrible things about me just a few days after giving birth and I can't forget their insults or violence.
My husband knows that I don't want to see his family nor do I want them near any of our children and he told his family, so these last three months it has been just the five of us, but it doesn't feel as good as I expected.
My husband is constantly apologizing and crying every time he holds our daughter and I am getting tired of this situation. I want us to be happy as we were before. So how can we move on? My husband suggested that we should start couples therapy, how much can therapy help?
Excuse me, "insults or VIOLENCE"???? Insults are bad enough but wtf. There is no going back.
What violence happened?
his sister pulled my hair during a fight (a one sided fight btw because I never responded to her insults) and his mother also did it on another occasion. I'm planning to go visit my family in a few months.
Your husband is a cruel person. Could you really move on from that? I know I couldn't.
Have you ever broken a piece of pottery and then tried to glue it back together? It’s never the same.
Just the way he treated your daughter would be hard to get over. Even if he thought she wasn't his, that wouldn't have been her fault. Cruelty to a child is pretty inexcusable. How old were you when you got together?
Asking because you must've started very young to have 3 kids by 24. Given his maturity level, I guess it would make sense that he went for someone much younger.
I was 18 [when we got together]
I would've stapled the paternity test and divorce papers together. I'm so sorry this happened to you but I'd not forgive any of them. If anything your husband is the worst of the bunch. He's your husband and he dropped the ball massively. Not only that, but he then gave his family that ball to throw at you and your daughter. It's a no from me.
It's weird you are forgiving him and not them for the same behavior. His was far worse because as your husband he should have your back and trust you. His family doesn't owe you nearly the loyalty your husband does. They all suck but him worst of all.
He got you pregnant three times before the age of twenty-four? And you're isolated with no friends or family?
He knows you didn't cheat. This is about control over you and you're allowing him to fake cry his way into taking no responsibility.
Are you going to submit or stick up for yourself?
Get on birth control too, and stop letting him get you pregnant for God's sake.
You can never go back.