My fiancé and I have been looking to buy our first house. We recently had an offer accepted on a house. She was given $25k from a parent to go towards the down payment. The remaining down payment amount is $20k.
I, perhaps unfairly, assumed that we would put down the $25k and then both put $10k from our own savings. She wants to split the $45k so she puts $22.5k from her dads ‘gift’ and nothing from her personal savings and I put $22.5k which is almost 100% of my savings.
I can see both sides but can’t help but feel it’s unfair to put me in that position. So WIBTA for asking to put the $25k down and split the remaining $20k in half?
Edits & Info:
I want to add some clarity on my point of view. It is not that I don’t want to pay my $22.5k share, it’s just a bit suffocating when it is 95% of my savings. Perhaps agreeing on a payment plan between us could be an option.
The gift, indeed was given to her, but was vocalized as “I want to help you two start in life/get on the property ladder…” I guess I unfairly took that to mean it was, to some extent, a gift to help us both..
It seems a lot of people seem to think I am talking about the entire payments. I am not. we would pay the monthly mortgage 50:50. So out of $450,000 total, we are talking about $45,000 down payment. And of that, a difference of $10k Vs $22.5k
The date set for wedding next summer. 10% possible as first time buyers loan. We earn very similarly and split 50:50. No debts for either of us right now. Perhaps lack of clarity is true regarding gift.
But I was given the impression it was more for ‘us to buy first home’ than a cash gift to her. When I asked her dad for blessing to propose, he mentioned in that conversation wanting to help us out move forward in starting our lives like this.
Did her dad give her the money before or after you were engaged? Because if it was after you were engaged, it was money to get BOTH of you a house, not just her. It's a gift to a couple, not an individual. In this case, it makes sense to split the remaining 10k.
Unless he expects you to head towards divorce soon and wants the house to be hers and not yours (plural)? If it was given to her when you were just a boyfriend, then its all hers and splitting the full down payment 50/50 makes sense.
WhoAmIMate OP says:
It was after. The conversation came up after I asked him for his blessing.
Doesn't change that fact that unless otherwise stated it was a gift to the daughter and the daughter alone. It's as much her money as earned income.
He's not a husband yet though. Still a fiancé. And why should she contribute more?
I disagree. Family gave a gift to help with down payment, the rest should be split 50/50. OOP is NTA.
Well damn. I couldn’t imagine wanting to marry and start a life with someone that has the mindset of you being poor and not having rich parents is not my problem.