My ex wife and I divorced 6 years ago. We married really young, she is very religious and there was pressure from her family to marry. I was young and dumb and had just left the military with no sense of direction.
We were very different people, but it didn’t come out as we only dated for 8 months before marrying. It felt very romantic to marry after such a short time, but after we wed and moved in together, it was clear we weren’t a good match.
We stuck it out for 8 years but it wasn’t working and we were both older, so the whole thing with living miserably to make other people happy (her and my parents) didn’t appeal anymore. I don’t blame her for any of it, I think we just didn’t understand what we wanted at the time and did things to please other people.
We had an amicable divorce and our son lived with her until high school. He is with me for high school because we live near a top school and she lives in a small town without a good high school. He is suppose to stay summers and holidays with her and come here to during the school year.
My ex wife got diagnosed with cervical cancer last month and it was caught late so, it’s already spread. The long term survival rate isn’t great and I want my son to visit his mother in a week or 2 before she goes through her hysterectomy.
My vacation time renews every June 30th. I had saved 2 weeks to go to Hawaii this winter break. However, with this situation, I want to take a week or 2 to go with my son to be there for him. His mom won’t be able to cook and clean for him and he also wants for me to drive them up to the next city to visit his grandparents.
The other issue is, my son might have to stay with us for this winter break (he is suppose to go to his mom’s but it’s unlikely now depending on her treatment schedule) and I don’t want to go on vacation with him home alone with all of this happening.
My girlfriend is not happy because we have winter break set up to go to Hawaii and our flights have been booked. I called the airline and they said they would switch our flights to a later one for $600, which I offered to cover so we could rebook the vacation for next fall instead.
But, she thinks my son should be able to go back alone and thinks I’m wasting my vacation going with him when we already have plans. My son does go on flights by himself (he is almost 16) however this time my ex isn’t going to physically be able to take care of our son.
There are also a lot of things to be done in prep for my son and my ex before she goes through chemo and surgery. My girlfriend is upset I’m prioritizing my ex over her but I think I need to go because my son might lose his mom.
NTA - You would not be postponing for your ex, you would be postponing for your son. My mother died of cancer when I was 13, and was diagnosed while I was spending the summer with my dad and his girlfriend (now wife.)
When we got the news my dad made the plans to immediately drive me from CO to OH and stayed there with me until she passed, even though my step-dad, grandparents, and countless aunts and uncles were there too.
Never once was my dad's GF anything but supportive of him being there with me while I was going through the hardest thing in my life. If she had, I can promise you neither of us would have ever had anything to do with her again.
And we would have been 100% correct in that stance. Please hear me when I tell you, your son in the ONLY thing that matters right now, and if your GF can't see that, she is not the one.
"Never once was my dad's GF anything but supportive of him being there with me while I was going through the hardest thing in my life."
This right here is all that needs to be said. Your sons mother is DYING. Nothing else matters. How is she expecting him to cook clean and do his own laundry when all he is thinking about it is how long does his mother have left? That is just cruel.
Doing that as an adult is hard enough. Thinking about him being on a plane alone, having to find his way from the airport to her house, and then sitting at the hospital alone is heartbreaking. OP needs a real partner who can sympathise.
Oh wow your current girlfriend is cold and heartless. NTA. You’re doing the right thing by your son. He’s going to experience tragedy and your girlfriend is more concerned about her vacation plans.
NTA. Your gf is jealous of what might be a dying woman. I cannot imagine being so insecure that I pout over my partner wanting to be there for his child during such a difficult time. I’d be proud to be dating someone so caring and compassionate.
You really need to ask yourself if this woman is really who you want to be with, especially since you have a son to think about. You want to date someone who’s this callous to your kid?? (Also, make sure your son’s mother is okay with this plan you’ve come up with.)
His mom wants me up there because she needs someone to drive her to and from the hospital as well as up to her parents place post surgery to recover. She lives alone so I’m going to drive our son and her up and we will leave from another airport.
NTA, not even remotely. Yes, he’s old enough to feed himself, so his own laundry, and travel by himself, but this is a huge visit and he needs your emotional support, as well as help with the basics and to go see his grandparents.
I get that your gf is super excited about Hawaii in the winter, but this is a huge moment for your son and he needs to come first. If she can’t understand that… well, only you know what needs to be considered.