Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to cut baby's dad out of her life and move on.
On our AITA Facebook page a woman shared her story asked for advice when she started getting mixed messages about her relationship with the father of her impending child. Here's her story...
After nearly 3 years being single (didn’t even date), with 3 children… I met someone in May… got pregnant with baby #4 by June, and I am now 19 weeks pregnant this week.
It was extremely stressful in the beginning (He is younger, still lives at home with his mom, virtually no responsibility at all, and still hangs out with his friends daily).. where as I am older, established, own my home and my business and have already been a single parent to 3 children for almost 7 years.
His family did not approve of me from the get-go because of the “lifestyle and family I come from” (we grew up in North Philadelphia, very poor… my Father is in prison for the last 10 years with 2 to go and made front page of the paper.
Both my younger siblings ages 19, and 20 [are also in prison and] made it into the paper. My mother has been absent and I aged out of foster care at 16, dropped out of high school at 18 to work 3 jobs and get my brothers out of the system ect.
I have two different fathers of my children)- all of this to his family screams “not good enough for my son” (they are cut from WAY different cloth, established, never worried a day I’m their life, they are all successful and well off)….
Throughout the last 4.5 months things were GREAT between me and their son.. despite all of the snarky comments (like, “we want a DNA test when the baby is born”)…. And being uninvited to gatherings (like weddings, bbqs, and hanging out by the pool during the summer)...
I’ve tried to look beyond all of this but, I drew the line when mentions of custody, and ”other options” were brought up to me.
I immediately addressed this with their son and after he conversated with his family; the end result was “We are better off as friends” (this broke my heart in a MILLION pieces because he has established a close relationship with my children, and was SO EXCITED to be apart of all of this with me; and then out of NOWHERE did an entire 180.
I’m talking limited contact to the point of MAYBE 1 text every 3-4 days… one word answers…hasn’t seen me in going on 3 weeks… doesn’t ask me how I’m feeling… isn’t concerned about the baby… skipped the JBF sale with me…
...changed his relationship status to “single”… removed all of our photos we had together… and remains adamant on “this is the RIGHT thing to do” (give this baby a broken home from jump street???)…
when I say all of this is OUT OF NOWHERE; I literally mean, Labor Day weekend (my kids were with their father) we went out on a date, had sex, stayed up all night watching movies, he sent me so many sweet texts on his way down which is his usual, he spent the night and things were amazing..) the VERY NEXT DAY, This behavior (above) starts…
I’ve asked him if he fell out of love with me, lost feelings or if me and my children were “too much” for him; and he denies all of that; claims he still loves me and the kids very much, but doesn’t think we are going to work out.. (but, we’ve worked out just fine since spring).
This past weekend I asked him if he was busy Sunday and if not, could we talk in person (he said he doesn’t think that’s best as he’s trying to get over everything and it will only make things harder, that he just thinks we should be friends) that was Friday, and I haven’t heard from him since…
I DO KNOW he’s been out with his friends, Philly trips, started all of a sudden working out, and living his best life…
At this point, I’m alone in this pregnancy, he came to ONE appointment, none recently…. He lives an hour away from me (North) and I am due this winter… chances are LIKELY he won’t be with me in labor because of distance and weather (and at this point, do I really want him to be?)…
...my labors seem to get shorter and shorter the more children I have (my last baby was born in under an hour from the time my water broke)…
The baby was supposed to be a junior, but lately all of my feelings about everything have changed. We are no longer a family “unit” and I don’t see me being able to co-parent with HIM (I will likely end up co-parenting with his parents) because he doesn’t have a “say”.
I offered to put their negativity up on a pedestal and get a PRENATAL dna test done to put all of their snarky remarks to end BEFORE the baby is here but nobody took me up on that offer and truthfully, I don’t have $800 lying around to prove something me AND their son are 100% sure of.
I‘ve already started putting together my sons nursery and buying everything he needs, I’m very fortunate to run my own business and be able to stay home with my kids to rule out childcare expenses…
I feel the most alone I’ve ever felt in my entire life (and you’re talking to someone who was raised very poor and very alone throughout my childhood) I know I am hormonal, and emotional but how can I get through all of this by myself?
I have so much resentment and anger because when I found out I was pregnant I said “look, I already have 3 children and my life is full… if you don’t think you can handle this or aren’t ready for this, NO SHAME, just tell me.
We don’t have to do this right now, we can enjoy life and if a baby is in our future down the line we can talk about it then, but there are options right now (since I was literally 3 weeks with no yolk sac yet)…
he SWORE up down and around; he wanted this SO MUCH and this was all he ever dreamed of having (a home, a good woman, a family, and goals and a career ahead of him)…. He made me feel so much relief in the beginning… and now here we are… and I couldn’t possibly feel more stupid, lied to, used, unloved…
I feel like I never even existed. It’s so debilitating. (He knows I don’t have family, and I gave friends and parties and social life up when I chose to be a mother and start my life)…. So now plans of a baby shower, and inclusive labor and having people WANTING to be apart of my sons life.. all of it is out the window.
Please tell me it gets easier…
I just want to know if I’m the AH for giving up trying, and moving forward with my pregnancy, labor, naming my son myself and coming home; alone. (I guess to deal with custody/court afterwards)?
Some of the advice she got:
From CK
I know I'm gonna get hell for this but why didn't you take precautions before sex? You already have 3 kids & sound young. You don't seem to have yourself together as you say. And BTW, 'conversated' is not a word. Ok, on to the so called BF. He's gone. You won't see the likes of him until you see him in family court for child support.
And take the DNA test. Makes it easier to get child support. Don't forget he will want visitation rights. Next time you 'fall in love' with a guy, be smarter. Don't hop in bed right away.
From JN
Get that DNA test after the baby's born, and get that child-support; he's already made it clear that he won't be around for you or the baby.
From IB
I just want to say that you're amazing. Let him know you're done if this is what he really wants and move on with your life. Don't force him into something he doesn't want or it'll do even more damage to the kiddos. Let him go and keep showing those babies what a hard working boss bitch their mommy is!
From JCW
Lawyer up. Immediately. Sounds to me like his family is going to try to get this baby away from you.
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